The Land of (Doctor) Oz

A few weeks ago, my acupuncturist referred me to a Producer from the Dr. Oz show. The Dr. Oz show was looking for people who transformed their lives using holistic medicine.  I needed to submit a brief write up about how acupuncture transformed my life, along with a picture. At first, I was frozen by a fear of the unknown. What if they like my story? What if they choose me? What would I say on camera? Would I be good enough? Then, I was frozen by a fear of failure. What if they don’t like my story? What if they don’t choose me? And then I decided, why not?

So I wrote up my summary and e-mailed it and my picture to the Producer. And much to my surprise, the Producer wrote back the same day. Long story short, they were changing the direction of the show to feature people who lost weight due to acupuncture. The Producer and I wrote back and forth and while I agree that acupuncture made me feel well enough to want to lose weight, I cannot attribute my weight loss solely to acupuncture and blah, blah, blah. The Producer did write “you sound like an amazing story regardless and I’d love to try to get you onto the show if we can” and that was cool enough for me. And while it seems like my story didn’t quite fit into their programming, it was neat to be considered; fun to dream for a moment about being a guest on the show.

In my next post, I will share the transformation letter I wrote to the show. Why would I dare to share this very personal letter that I’ve only share with a few friends and family? For several reasons-

#1- Because the Tara of a year ago would not have even written the letter to the Dr. Oz show. She would have proclaimed defeat before even trying something new. Letting her fears take over before giving something new a chance.

#2- I believe that when you share the deepest part of yourself, there is a possibility that you could help someone along the way. I honestly believe that’s one of the reasons why God places obstacles in our paths.

#3- Acupuncture, whether you believe in it or not, has truly changed my life. If you are out there reading this blog, and are at the end of your rope due to physical, chronic or emotional pain, what have you got to lose? Open yourself up and try an alternative treatment.

#4- With great risks comes great rewards. Trying something new is so scary. I’m not a risk-taker, I’m a rule follower. I do the speed limit. I read the warning labels on my medications. I used to cut my kids grapes in half because they were the #2 choking hazard. J  And I don’t know about you, but my life is chaotic enough, I like predictable. I like to have an even-keel kind of day. Yet lately, I’m feeling like there is so much out there I could be missing by not taking a chance. So I’m doing it! I’m facing it! I’m trying it! Some days with great zeal, and some days with great trepidation.

Whether it’s a small change or a life altering change you’ve been considering, ask yourself why not? And then put on your helmet and safety goggles and go for it!

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

The Gambler

Sing along with me, “you gotta know when to hold em’, know when to fold em’, know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table, there’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done.” I don’t even like country music and I think I know all of the words to The Gambler.

Growing up, my Mom-Mom was a huge Kenny Roger’s fan, and while she wasn’t often a person that showed her joy, when a Kenny Roger’s song was playing, she couldn’t help but to sing along.

This week, when I was playing my weight loss hand, and I was ready to fold, I was reminded that there is nothing wrong with holding. At this point in my journey, I don’t want to walk away and I don’t want to run (well, maybe sometimes). I am at a point where perseverance and patience is needed. Now I can persevere until the cows come home, but patience has never been my strong point.

I am struggling with these last few pounds to goal. And life has thrown a few obstacles in my way to keep things entertaining. I haven’t been able to exercise due to hurting my lower back. And exercise is paramount for me for many different reasons. Exercise not only helps me physically, it helps me mentally and it helps to ward off my neuralgia. And just as I was ready to jump start my exercise…another obstacle.

Last Thursday when I was walking on the treadmill at a slow pace, 2.1 when I usually walk 3.7, I started to become short of breath. I couldn’t sing to my iPod or catch my breath. My neck became tight, my arms and legs became tingly and I just didn’t feel right, so I stopped. I felt pretty rotten that night and into the next day so I went to the doctor’s. After a joy-filled day of EKG’s and a chest CAT scan, I was sent home to rest. So far all of the tests have come back clear (praise God) and now they need to run some blood work. But until the blood work comes back, I’m not allowed to exercise. L

Certainly there are far worse things in life than not being able to exercise, but I’m feeling frustrated and stuck. Being this close to my goal, I need to be able to exercise to get the scale to move. Since patience is not my strong point, I would ordinarily decide that I’ve come far enough in my journey and I would quit. I’d fold my cards, walk away, maybe even run as fast as I could (to another delicious slice of birthday cake).

But I’m not that girl anymore, I’m not letting this (or any) obstacle stop me. I need to accept and understand that sometimes even the best laid out plans get put on hold. But that doesn’t mean quit. It means doing the best you can with the situation you’ve been given and on occasion something really cool can happen. What’s important to remember is the last sentence of the chorus, “there’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done.”

Well, my dealin’s not done, so don’t count me out just yet. I KNOW that patience and perseverance pays off. So no matter what you’re facing this week, don’t give up! Hold when you need to, but don’t fold, you’re worth so much more than that!

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Forty, the new Twenty?

Since when did 40 become the new 20? Let me tell you, I’m about to celebrate my 40^th birthday and I’m not anywhere near 20. And do you know what? I don’t want to be.  

A while back, our pastor did a sermon about chasing carrots. He talked about the fact that especially in the greater-Philadelphia area, the carrots people chase are more money, more things and a more youthful physical appearance. PS- It was a really great message and if you want to listen to it, click here. 

OK, so who wouldn’t want more money, more things and a more youthful physical appearance? Guilty as charged. But the beauty of being 40 and not 20 is that life experience has taught me that more money, more things and a more youthful physical appearance does not lead to a content life.

Now wait a minute Tara, your blog is about losing weight. Yes, true. But hopefully by now you’ve realized it’s about a lot more than losing weight. I’m not chasing my 20-something body, I just want to be healthy and fit. I will probably never see the waist-line that I had in college. For me to try to attain that size again might be reachable, but’s it’s not maintainable for me if I want to live and enjoy life.

This is why I kinda like the idea of being 40. Being 40 means that I have the wisdom to not sweat the small stuff as much. It means not beating myself up if I don’t get a workout in on a busy day. Forty means allowing myself to indulge in some delicious food while going out with friends.  Forty means valuing people over things. It means self-forgiveness and self- love. Not self-love in the “dang I’m all that and a bag of chips love”. But being able to look in the mirror and accept who you are and where you are in your life.

I was watching Mark Nepo on OWN the other day and he said something to the effect of “when you don’t trust in yourself. You’re not trusting in the wisdom of the person who created you”.  It was such a powerful statement for me, I wrote it down. And it made me think, if I don’t love me, I’m not accepting the love of the one who created me.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made by a creator that loves us more than we could ever imagine. And although I want to get better in several areas of my life, I also need to enjoy being right where I am, because that’s where God chooses to love me.

So bring it 40, I’m ready for you!!!

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

She's a Maniac

Ok, you know you’re now singing that song from Flashdance and your toes are tapping and you want to get up and dance. Well…maybe not, but I sure do.

But at this point, I can’t even tap my toes. I am down for the count. I pulled something in my lower right back that hurts all the way up my side and down into my right hamstring. How did I do it? I over did it with my fitness routine.

These past few weeks, I have really kicked it up a notch with my exercise regimen. And I think my mind forgot to tell my body that I’m not as young as I once was. As I get closer to my goal weight, I have found the need to exercise more to get the scale to move. And as I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’ve realized that the light is not an oncoming train, I am pushing harder and harder to reach my goal. So I’ve been working out like a maniac with a laser focus on my goal.

Balanced behavior? Not really. According to the World English Dictionary, a maniac is:

1- a wild disorderly person

2- a person who has a great craving or enthusiasm for something

I truly chuckled at the first definition. As much as I’d like to be a wild disorderly person, I’m the consummate rule follower. But the second definition got me thinking. What’s wrong with being a person who has a great craving or enthusiasm for something? I have great enthusiasm for many things- God, my family and friends, building relationships, the outdoors, reading, the power of education, art, poetry.

I love rubbing elbows with someone who is really passionate about something. Their enthusiasm is contagious and makes me want to be the best I can be.

Being down for the count this week with my back was a wake-up call for me that over the past few weeks, I have been a maniac, but not in a good way. I lost my balanced approach to wellness. My black and white, all or nothing thinking had gotten the best of me. With my fitness and eating, it was either full steam ahead or not at all.

So even though this back pain is literally a pain in the a$$, I give thanks for it because it gave me the down time I needed to reflect and re-group on my wellness path.

One of the goals of this blog is to be transparent, to help others to see that we are not perfect and that’s OK, we are not meant to be. Thanks for coming along in this up and down life journey with me and for embracing me just the way I am, maniac and all. ;)

What I learned this week is that it’s wonderful to have a great craving or enthusiasm for something, as long as it doesn’t take you over. 

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Fit Family

This is one of my favorite pictures of our family, not because it’s the best picture, but because of the memories that come with it. This picture was taken by a passerby on the Beehive trail at Acadia National Park in Maine. We had just finished the trail and were feeling quite accomplished. I’m so glad that random stranger asked if we wanted a family picture taken as I treasure it for many reasons.

Our week in Maine was an outdoorsy, adventurous vacation and we all loved it! We hiked a new trail at the park every day and our daughter Ashlee rock climbed over the rocky cliffs of the ocean. Side story, we were all supposed to rock climb; but after watching Ashlee, our nerves were shot, so we said “ahh, no thanks” and walked as fast as we could on our shaky little legs back to our car.

Given the fact that I am extremely afraid of heights, I can’t believe that my family talked me into doing the Beehive trail. It was pretty much a climb straight up the side of the mountain on a narrow trail that fit only one of us in width at a time. There were several sections that had iron rungs to climb up or to walk over. My husband Nate, who picked the trail with enthusiasm, neglected to tell me until after the hike that it was rated difficult and strenuous.

As we got about half way up, reality set in that there was no turning around because it would be even harder to climb back down, so we pushed upwards. Our kids were pretty young then, Ash was 12 and Josh was 7. And since my nickname is Sally Safety, I was totally freaked out about one of them falling off the edge. As we kept on climbing, our adventurous mood turned to silence, teamwork and concentration with Nate giving direction for us to “put our hand here, move our foot there or to hold his hand.”

Thankfully we made it to the top and sadly I don’t think we truly took time to appreciate the view from above because we were all pretty scared. Needless to say, the hike back down the mountain was quiet, mostly from relief and exhaustion.

Our mood changed when we got to the bottom, laughing and high-fiving that we made it; looking up to the top at those iron rungs and the mountain that we conquered together. And even though I was ready to beat my husband for not telling me beforehand that it was rated a strenuous and difficult hike, it is one of my favorite family memories because when I look at that picture I see that we were happy and healthy- a fit family.

I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t take the time to really appreciate the gift of good health.  Whether you have it now, or it’s something you’re working towards, take a moment to give thanks for that gift you’ve been given.

Each time I exercise now, instead of thinking of it as a burden, I try to remember that it is a gift and I say out loud “Thank you God that my lungs keep breathing, my heart keeps beating, my legs keep moving. Thank you for this gift".

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

You Are Enough

I was watching Elizabeth Gilbert (the author of Eat, Pray, Love) on Oprah’s Life Class, and I was really impacted by what she had to say. She spoke about a variety of topics but what really stuck with me was one of her daily mantras- you are enough. Gilbert is quoted in saying “The Yogic sages say that all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define our experience and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure... I'm lonely...) and we become monuments to them.”

How extremely powerful are the words we say and think. They can build us up or break us down. They can define us, refine us, limit us or set us free. Yet it’s not the words themselves, but the emotions behind the words, and this is especially true when it comes to how we talk and think about our physical appearance.

What if, no matter the stage of life we were in, we told ourselves that we were enough? Not good enough, smart enough or strong enough---simply enough.

Have you ever looked back at a picture and thought “wow, I looked really good then”? Yet at the time, you thought you could have looked better?

My husband always says if there is one gift that he could give me, it would be a big dose of confidence. I wonder about the people that appear confident. Are they truly confident or are they putting up a front? Maybe a little bit of both. Where does the belief that “I am enough” come from? From your parents/family? Does it depend on who you surround yourself with? Or is it cultivated from wisdom that can only come with age and experience?

I love the idea of waking up each day and saying to myself “I am enough”. Not thin enough, pretty enough, educated enough or whatever enough---simply enough.

“What the caterpillar thinks is the end of the world, the butterfly knows is only the beginning. ~ Anonymous

I am so appreciative of the perspective that I have this time around on my weight loss journey. I am not in a hurry and I am not using words to limit my progress. I’m doing my best to enjoy this journey because I know that whether I’m a caterpillar or a butterfly, I AM ENOUGH. And with every new thing I try or risk I take, I know that it's just the beginning of something really, really good.

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Pity Party- Table for One Please

This week’s post was supposed to be called “New Year, New Me” and be a reflection of the past year and to talk about where I’m headed. But in the spirit of always keeping it real, I did a 180.

Last night I had a very bad bout of neuralgia. It was triggered by the extreme cold and wind, one of my biggest pain triggers. You see, our dog was sick and I was the only one home with her so I had to make numerous potty trips outside with her. Add on to that a pressure-filled work day and the topper, my acupuncture appointment, which has been a God-send, actually made things worse.

Driving home from my acupuncture appointment, I was feeling pretty low. I had pain in the top of my head that felt like someone was tapping a nail into it. I had pain near my right cheekbone that felt like someone was pressing as hard as they could on my cheek and I had shooting pains up the back of my neck. These pains are nothing new to me, but I haven’t had them in a while and truthfully, I forgot how bad it hurt and how it made me feel.

As I drove through Valley Forge park, heat blaring in my car, scarf still wrapped around my head, I began to feel sad and angry. That’s just about the time I started to host a pity party, table for one, in my mind. I started to think, I am so tired of having to live my life like this. Will I really have to live the rest of my life like this? If so, it’s going to be a long long life.

When I got home, I grabbed a quick bit to eat and went up to bed. I turned out the lights, turned the TV on low, got my head to place where it was most comfortable and then I waited for the acupuncture to start doing its job and the pain to start going away. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I have to take my prescription medication. Acupuncture is not a cure, it’s meant to help reduce my pain frequency and duration.

And this is when the mental shift took place. We all deserve to indulge in a pity party every once in a while. A good cleansing cry. An angry fit. Whatever it takes to keep on keepin’ on. But what we cannot do is become a victim of our circumstances. If I choose to feel sorry for myself every time I don’t feel good, it is going to be a long long life, but if I choose instead to be grateful for every moment, the good and the bad, it’s going to be a long wonderful life, because that is what I choose to make it.

A few years ago, my cubicle buddy Debbie turned me on to this quote by Martha Washington- “I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition”.

I have always admired Deb’s sunshiny optimism, in spite of the circumstances she faced. It’s something I’ve tried to put this into practice whenever I can. Whatever you are facing this week, do not be a victim of your circumstance, be a champion of your destiny. The power is yours. The choice is yours. The chance is yours. The opportunity is yours. Every day is a fresh start- take it for all it’s worth and make it into something good.

Ask for help, make a choice, commit to the choice and continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara