Friday, August 28, 2015

Lost and Found

Have you ever gone through a time in your life when you felt a little lost? Maybe you’re there now?  Like a sailboat missing its sails, or even worse that you’re up the creek without a paddle?

Stranded. Stuck. Aimlessly drifting.

That’s the way I felt about six months ago and it continued on for quite some time. Not only did I feel like I was stranded, stuck and aimlessly drifting; I felt like I was flailing about, not sure how or where to expend my energy.

I blogged about it. I cried about it. I prayed about it. I whined about it. I festered about it. I prayed about it some more. I asked God to give me some direction. I listened for him in the quiet places- and nothing.

I became frustrated. I felt like there was something really fantastic in store for me, that it was within my grasp, but I couldn’t find it. I felt really lost (and a little sad and a lot agitated).

This past spring, Leanne Stolpe came to speak to a Moms Group that I was involved in. Leanne is a Life Purpose Coach, to learn more about how she can help you, click here.

Leanne’s group session was truly a God send to me. It was just what I needed and didn’t even know I needed it. That night, after the session, I could not get to sleep. My mind was reeling. I was jazzed up! Ready to make a change! My heart was aflutter! That night, into the wee hours of the morning, I grabbed a note book and drafted a five-phased plan on how I wanted to get my life back on track.

If we can pause here, my husband cracked up that I didn’t just start with a Phase 1, that I went all the way to Phase 5 which spans several years. That’s just me and how I got my nickname “over the top Tara”.

While I was writing fast and furiously, I realized that I knew what I wanted all along. I know where my areas of passion are. I know what inspires me. I was stranded, stuck and aimlessly drifting for a few reasons:

1- My departure from being a Weight Watchers leader shattered my confidence.
2- My fear of failure stopped me in my tracks from trying something new.
3- I became overwhelmed by the big picture of change and didn’t know where to start.

One of my favorite wellness sayings is that “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. I had a purpose (we all have many of them), what I needed was a plan.  

Fast forward to today, and I am thrilled to share that I’ve achieved Phase 1 and Phase 2 of my plan! The rest remain on my vision board, in plain sight where I can keep my goals in front of me.


It’s funny, I was trying so hard to tune into God’s plan for me that I missed out on the fact that God can take us only so far- we need to actually do the hard work to make our dreams a reality.

I am so thankful to have found my way again, to be feeling energized, focused , motivated and ready to help others to feel the same.

Your journey does not have to define you, let it refine you. If you feel lost at sea, may hard work and perseverance keep you moving in the right direction and faith in God and yourself be the beacon lights your way.  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. MAKE A PLAN! Ask for help. Continue with courage.
  
Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Dear Holley-

You don’t know me, but I’ve been praying for you all week. Your fundraiser came through my Facebook newsfeed and because I also have Trigeminal Neuralgia, I wanted to learn about your story. Holley, my heart aches for you as you are living my worst nightmare and greatest fear. That you have reached the point where you need to put your life on hold and explore repeated surgical options for relief.

I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia in 2002 at age 29 which is young for the illness. At the time my daughter was 9 and my son was 2. My illness has run the spectrum over the years, from less severe atypical facial pain- numbness, spasms, slight stabbing- to the earth shattering lightning bolts of pain that just take your breath away and seemingly take your life away.

One day when I was sobbing in his office, my neurologist said to me “no-one will ever understand your pain” and that was so validating because no word could ever capture the severity of the pain, or the gravity of the toll it takes on not only your life, but the life of your loved ones.

Today I am blessed to have a pain mitigation regimen that is working for me. It is a combination of acupuncture, exercise, eating right, meditation, prayer, positive thinking and prescription meds.  Because of what I’ve faced, I am truly grateful and mindfully present in every pain free day that God gives me.

I also know that there might be a time when my illness regresses and I am back to the point where I was in 2010, in constant severe pain, at the edge of my rope. Trying any form of treatment that might work- desperate for relief. Taking heavy meds that made me lose my mind and my memory. Attending a support group that was more depressing than uplifting. Wondering if I would have to quit my job. Feeling guilty because my husband had to do everything for me and our kids. Having days where I could not move from bed and would not move my head for fear of triggering new pain. I remember going to church one day and wanting to sing with the hymn but I couldn’t open my jaw so I just let the tears silently roll down my cheeks. There were days when I could not eat. There were days when I wondered how I could continue living that way.

I write a wellness blog and every once and a while I write about my neuralgia, because it has a direct impact on my mental and physical well-being.  In my latest post I touch on one of the worst pain attacks I’ve had in years: http://chewingthefatonskinny.blogspot.com/2015/07/share-your-selfie.html. It also talks about hope in the face of suffering.

It is my prayer that this post gives you encouragement.  Please know that even people that don’t know you are praying for you.

To my blog readers, please take a moment to read Holley’s story, lift her up in prayer and consider donating to help cover the costs of her medical expenses: http://www.gofundme.com/pesinafam.

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE Holley, it is the greatest gift that God offers us. With Him in our lives, there is always hope. Even on the days when I lie in bed in pain and all I can do is cry, I say thank you Jesus, because I’m still alive.  He gave me another day.

Many people with this illness become crippled by fear- afraid to do anything that might cause them pain. Afraid to live life. I work really hard to live out my mantra- I choose faith over fear.

Praying that God sends you relief in the form of this surgery and alternative treatment options and that He gives you the strength and courage to live your best life through it all.

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara