Just Hold On

Last week it was time to say goodbye to my good old laptop. I was filtering through and saving the most important stuff, my pictures, and came across this one. I remember how I really hated taking the pic, but I needed to create a work profile pic so I didn’t really have a choice. It’s amazing how that one pic can jolt me back to how I felt at that time in my life.

I was barely holding on. Only those truly close to me probably knew it and most I’m guessing didn’t. I was completely and utterly lost and defeated. My chronic neurological illness had beaten me down to where I started to lose hope. And I’m a rather hopeful person so it takes a bunch of crap to break me down. Besides being in almost daily physical pain, topped with the lightning bolt pain that comes with my neuralgia, my life wasn’t panning out the way I wanted it to. My job? While I was thankful for it, I was far from doing what I enjoyed but honestly I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do with myself when I grew up. I was struggling big time to lose even a pound of weight. I was disgusted that I had gained almost everything back I had lost on Weight Watchers. And while I kept trying to get the scale to move, it just wouldn’t budge.

Of course I had many blessings in my life. My husband and kids, family and friends, an awesome church family. Our finances were pretty solid. Overall good health (minus the neuralgia part). Yet I was feeling pretty restless and unsatisfied. My kids were in their pinnacle of busyness, multiple sports and activities per kid made our week nights and weekends a blur. I had gotten so caught up in the idea of being Ashlee and Josh’s Mom that I didn’t realize I had lost who I was and what I wanted. I wasn’t even really sure what I wanted, I just knew that there were some great things in store for me, I could just feel it.

I remember sitting in my acupuncturist’s office for my first appointment. I just broke out in a sob because I was so darned exhausted. I said to her “I just can’t do this anymore. I am at the edge of my rope.” At the time I didn’t realize that I was talking about more than my chronic pain. Life wasn’t working for me, but I couldn’t figure out what wasn’t working or really what I wanted.

If you’ve followed my blog at all, or know me well. You know how far I’ve come since that time. I am absolutely incredulous at how the pieces of my life have fallen into place since then to make this new me. This is the part that’s hard to explain, how it feels. It feels peaceful yet energizing. I am at complete peace with the person I am yet driven to keep getting better. I’m not a sports person (by far) but this must be what I feels like when an athlete is in the zone. When all of their training leads to their moment.

What I realize now is that it’s a culmination of everyday moments that lead to these big moments. I could not see it then, but everything (even the super crappy stuff) was breaking me down to build me up into someone stronger. The career path I’ve taken, the friendships I’ve made. Growing my faith through church groups and missions. Learning to focus on my health, being willing to explore holistic treatment options. Writing this blog, writing for Grace & Such. Taking control of my eating and behaviors. Becoming a Weight Watchers leader and now becoming a Beachbody Coach, helping others while learning how to run my own business. 

I’m so ecstatic about this life I’m living that some people might want to smack the enthusiasm right out of me. Maybe you’re one of them- LOL. But if you know me, you know, I’ve worked my ass off to get here. 

I’m writing this because I want this for you. If you’re feeling lost, stuck or at the end of your rope- just hold on. Hold on for dear life dear friend. What you may not realize is that in this tug of war called life, people are pulling for you. Dig in your heels, and pull hard in the direction of your dreams.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Arrivederci Weight Watchers

In the summer of 1996, a year after getting married at my heaviest weight, I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting. I was 24, exhausted and depressed, a lost soul. I had no idea if the program was going to work for me or if I’d be willing to put in the work. Six months later I was 40 pounds lighter and I not only fell in love with how I felt as a new healthy me, I fell in love with Weight Watchers.

I’ve been a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers since 1997, now that’s some program staying power. As many of you know, I’ve been somewhat of a Weight Watchers evangelist. Those who know me know that there are two things I get really excited about- Jesus and Weight Watchers. Of course over the span of 20 years I wasn’t always able to maintain my weight. That thing called life happened on occasion. In 2011 I went back on the program, got back to my goal weight and have been maintaining ever since.

Since then, I’ve blogged about how Weight Watchers has changed my life and indeed it has, not just physically but emotionally. One of the biggest changes that came with my (more recent) weight loss is my willingness to take risks. Deciding to become a Weight Watchers leader was a HUGE leap for me. I’m an introvert so standing in front of that room could have equaled pure torture- yet instead it led to pure bliss. I found out that I kind of (shhh- don’t tell anyone) like public speaking. More importantly, I LOVE helping people to reach their goals. I love seeing the light come on in their eyes and in their souls when they realize what they can accomplish. When they begin to see what’s possible for them.

When Weight Watchers let me go as a Leader because I couldn’t lead in the winter due to my neurological illness I was devastated. Devastated! I had finally found the thing that makes my heart sing. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I cried about it. I blogged about it. I got good and angry about it. I prayed about it and was met with silence.

If you know me, you know that I’m a little impatient. Because I’m a mover and a shaker (on most days), I expect things to happen. Waiting a year or more for something to happen, well…that’s simply unthinkable. So I started writing down goals on my vision board. I truly believe that you can think something into existence. By speaking your goals out loud, by writing them down, by keeping them in front of you.

Suddenly, I went from feeling stuck to feeling incredulous at what began to unfold in my life. I began to co-lead a weight loss support group at my church. While the group remained small, I met some truly amazing women who continue to have an impact in my life. One of the women who came to my group is my current Beachbody Coach Erica. She came and shared her successes and struggles and also talked about Beachbody. She led a Cize (dance workout) for the group and brought in some Shakeology samples.

While I was curious about Beachbody, I wasn’t overly eager to learn more about it because being a Weight Watcher had been ingrained in me for 20 years and it was working for me. Erica and I kept in touch over Facebook and I watched her continued success on the program. I loved her enthusiasm and energy and what I really started to get intrigued about were the workouts. While Weight Watchers has a solid nutrition plan and they encourage you to be active, they do not offer a fitness component as part of the plan. Since I was already at goal, I really wanted to start to transform my body, changing fat into muscle.

Fast forward several months from when Erica came to my weight loss support group…and all it took was one ask…Erica asked me if I wanted to join a Beachbody challenge group. While I was hesitant (I blogged about my entire 21 Day Fix experience here), I decided to give it a go to get rid of some winter weight gain and to start to tone my body. I was intoxicated by the results. So much so that my addiction to feeling fit and healthy is now overpowering my addiction to food (and I LOVE food). That’s a statement right there folks.

I believe in the program so much that after my first challenge group I decided to become a Coach. Can I tell you what a blessing it is to be able to help people again? It lights my soul up from the inside out. Can I tell you what a God thing this is? That I found a program that I love as much (if not more) than Weight Watchers, that allows me to help myself, to help others, to run my own business, to make a profit and to do it at my own pace and on my own schedule? A-maz-ing! Beachbody is an incredible company that provides ongoing support, motivation, personal and professional development. In the short month that I’ve been a Coach I’ve received more training, development and recognition than I ever did at Weight Watchers (as an employee). And the people---they are passionate, driven and inclusive. It’s like having an instant wellness family.

I’m a firm believer that everything (I mean everything, even the super crummy stuff) happens for a reason and that many times it doesn’t happen at your desired time, but it happens at the right time.

Weight Watchers will always be my first love. Just like when you think back to your first love, you get that nostalgic feeling and maybe breathe a heart-filled sigh, that’s what Weight Watchers will always be to me.

This is why I’m saying arrivederci (until we see each other again) to Weight Watchers. It’s a part of who I am. The behavior changes and the friendships I made during my time as a Weight Watcher will always be with me. I’m just packing them in my suitcase and bringing them along on this new adventure. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Continue with courage. 

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

New Day New Way

Last night we watched Eddie the Eagle. I was enthralled with the main character Eddie- his never quit mentality and his consistently sunshiny outlook. Come to find out that Nate (my hubby) felt this way, direct quote- “I was looking for a sharp object to dag my eyes out.” Well, I guess we had two different takes on the movie.  None-the-less it inspired some wellness related thoughts for this post.

Starting a wellness journey, whether to lose weight, transform your body, or both can seem like a task of Olympic-sized proportions. Especially if say, you’ve been there and done that before, perhaps again and again only to never reach your goal. At some point in that vicious cycle of self defeat, you may decide “why bother” and you settle for a life that’s “good enough” because it takes too much out of you to consider trying again.

I get that. I’ve been there. Several times. But I’m so glad that for some reason this time around I decided to see it through and I think that one of the biggest reasons why I was successful was a change in my mindset.  

Mindset is more important than skill set.

Eddie, who decided he was going to be an Olympic ski jumper, had no training or skills to be a ski jumper. Yet he got in his mind that he was GOING to be a ski jumper and that nothing was going to get in his way. He may not have had the skills but he had the right frame of mind. Skills can be taught, a positive mindset comes from within. When you decide to have a positive frame of mind, you start to take control of your choices. You become the victor not the victim. Every day you wake up you can make the choice to be well. Will there be obstacles? Yes. Will there be crappy a$$ days? Hell yes. Getting healthy is hard work and it comes from consistently and persistently making one small choice that leads to one small action that leads to one small choice that leads to one small action that eventually, EVENTUALLY can lead to your Olympic-sized change.

Glory comes from seeing that the everyday moments are actually the big moments in the making.

At one point in the story Eddie’s coach tells him that he’s settling. That in choosing to do the 70m jump in the moment rather than training longer and working harder toward the 90m jump, he’s selling himself short. This one I agree and disagree with. Of course you’re going to shoot for that big moment- whatever that moment is for you. Getting to your goal weight. Running a half marathon. Being a certain size again (or for the first time). Doing a triathlon. Whatever it is, you know that it’s within your reach AND it’s going to take a lot of sweat and tears (and perhaps good cry here and there) to reach it. It’s important to keep our eyes on that big moment so we stay focused, but we don’t want to miss out on the everyday moments that are getting us there.

Preparing a healthy meal. Exercising when we don’t feel like it. Trying a new food. Starting fresh when we screw up. Increasing the weights or reps during a workout. Noticing that our clothes fit looser than they did before. Baking food instead of frying it. Cooking something at home instead of eating out. Passing on the bread bowl while eating out. Drinking water instead of soda. Having a single scoop ice cream cone instead of a double. Swapping out white bread for whole grain bread. THESE are the moments, that require determination, that require resourcefulness. These MOMENTS lead to the big moments. Don’t forget to celebrate these small wins.  

Your past does not determine your present.

Eddie was surrounded by naysayers, but that did not stop him. Eddie knew that doing his best was his only option and that’s how he approached each day. He decided to prove people wrong. He decided to prove himself wrong. *movie spoiler alert* That state of mind is what got him to the Olympics.

Just because you’ve always been overweight doesn’t mean you always have to be. Just because you always stress eat doesn’t mean you have to be a stress eater. Just because you always try and fail on a “diet” doesn’t mean you have to fail this time. Eddie said these words out loud “I am a ski jumper” before he even was one and then he did what it took to make it happen.

What would happen if you started saying things like “I am fit” or “I make good choices” or “I am an athlete” or “I am strong” or “I am healthy”?

A new day can equal a new way, if you so choose.  Face your fears head on and give it a go. Sometimes you just have to take that first jump.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara