In April I sat down with my practitioner and said "I'm kind of embarrassed to say this but...I've been feeling very anxious recently." In her office I had an out of body experience because I heard myself saying I was embarrassed to talk about mental health and I was disappointed that I spoke those words out loud. Argh! I openly talk with my (young adult) kids about depression and anxiety yet here I was feeling a certain way that I was feeling a certain way. Sigh.
I've been seeing my practitioner for 10 years and we have a high trust relationship. She knows me very well. So when I told her I was feeling anxious and that my normal coping mechanisms (a combination of diet, exercise, meditation, CBD oil, prayer, journaling) weren't doing anything she took me seriously and listened with empathy. We talked for a while and she had me fill out a mental health assessment/questionnaire. And what came next was surprising...it could be menopause. Yikes! At 49 it probably seems naïve that I hadn't considered I was going through "the change". I've had some night sweats and hot flashes but nothing life disrupting. But here's the deal and why I'm penning this post, nobody talks about mental health and menopause, specifically anxiety and menopause. And it's for real.
While I've dealt with levels of anxiety in the past, I've never until now experienced a full blown panic attack. It was hard to express to my practitioner how I was feeling except that I was having irrational fears in normal every day circumstances. These fears left me gasping for air. I felt trapped and like I wanted to run away. My fight or flight reflexes were in full force. My mind was reeling and wouldn't stop with the "what if's" and feelings of dread. As I started this blog 10 years ago with the promise to keep it real, here goes with a few examples of what I experienced.
During a work meeting with colleges that I trust and have worked with for years I suddenly felt like I couldn't finish the call and that I needed to drop off of Zoom. We were discussing a topic I was well versed about yet I felt extremely overwhelmed. I started to sweat and felt like I couldn't breathe.
While out walking my dog I felt anxious about other dogs in my neighborhood that I've known for 17 years. I know full well that they have electric fences yet I felt leery like they were going to break through the fence. I couldn't relax and stop worrying. I just wanted to get home.
During a work presentation, once again where I knew the topic well, I panicked and lost my train of thought. Instead of being able to mentally regroup (I was with a trusted group of peers), I felt like I needed to end the call. It was a completely irrational need to flee.
These are a few examples of how I was feeling.
After doing hormone testing we determined I was in full blown menopause and that my progesterone is low and my estrogen is high. As an aside (and probably TMI) I couldn't use my period as a gauge because I had an ablation years ago and don't get my period. The mental health assessment questions I checked as "yes" were all mostly focused in the GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) section of the brain. Progesterone helps to create GABA which blocks certain brain signals producing a calming effect in the brain. See more about this in the articles at the bottom of this post.
I was relieved to learn that what I am experiencing is potentially due to my change in hormones. One article I read called progesterone an anti-anxiety hormone and when it's low, anxiety is high.
Because I see a holistic MD and practitioner, we decided to try 2 natural hormone balancing supplements:
1- Balance by Ortho Molecular Products
2- L'Theanine by Integrative Therapeutics
She jokingly called Balance the "marriage saver" because it has helped her patients so much. I'm only in my first month of taking the supplements and it could take up to 90 days for my body to level out, but I'll keep you posted on how I'm progressing.
I wanted to share my experience because while I hear people make jokes about mood and menopause, I've never really heard anyone talk about it seriously and how fluctuating hormones can impact our daily lives. If you're feeling a certain way (menopause or not), talk with someone about it. What you're feeling is real and valid and important. And medication or supplements or therapy can help. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone is enough. Don't try and go it alone. You are loved and beloved. Asking for help is self care and in some cases survival.
Continue with courage.
XO,
Tara
More on menopause, anxiety and panic attacks:
https://mysecondspring.ie/menopause-symptoms/menopausal-anxiety-and-panic-attacks
https://www.rosewellness.com/signs-of-low-progesterone-hormone/
https://www.healthywomen.org/your-health/menopause-aging-well/menopause-and-anxiety-whats-connection
