Chewing the Fat on Skinny: One More Try

This picture reminds me of a time (2005) when I was trying (yet failing) to get control of my weight. I was going to Weight Watchers meetings with a friend during lunch. I was doing the right things (well in my mind I was) but the scale wouldn’t move.

I wanted to write about how I was feeling during that time to encourage you that you can move past whatever you’re facing right now to get to where you want to be. WALK THROUGH THE FEAR.

“You can’t let one moment in time define your LIFE time!” – Steve Harvey

When I was a Weight Watchers leader, I saw many people get within 10-15 pounds of their goal and they got so frustrated they stopped. PLEASE NEVER EVER STOP.

From about 2005-2010, I was relentless in my pursuit of wellness (well in my mind I was a rock star). I visited a bunch of Weight Watchers locations (because clearly it wasn’t me, it was the leader) and tried every exercise fad out there. Yet the scale only moved upwards.

As the scale increased my frustration and discouragement did too. I started the talk of shame.

“I’m probably just destined to be a little fluffy. Many of my family members are heavy. It’s in my genes, why fight it? I was a heavy kid, I’ll most likely be a heavy adult. I’m tired of trying. Tired! Losing weight is hard. Why can’t I be naturally thin? Food tastes so good. I hate feeling deprived. Why am I hungry all the time? How can I succeed at everything else except weight loss? I’m so weak. I’m embarrassed that I gained my weight back. I hate shopping in the plus size section. I can’t believe that I went up another size. I’m a failure.”

If you are having this dialogue with yourself, I feel you. My heart hurts for you. The pain is real. The struggle is real. The shame is real. I’ve binged. I’ve hidden food. I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry. And then I’ve eaten afterwards to make myself feel better.

I wish I could say that in 2010 I had this magical transformation experience or a specific moment that set me on my wellness journey. If you’ve been following my blog since then you know that I started the blog as a desperate measure to make my weight loss struggle public to be held accountable.

A magic bullet didn’t get me here- hard work, persistence and consistence got me here. NEVER GIVING UP got me here. Making small changes to my daily routine got me here. Giving it just ONE MORE TRY got me here. Believing that I was worth the work got me here.

During one of my Weight Watchers meetings, I shared with them my weight trajectory from 2005-2010 and even though I was going to Weight Watchers my weight either plateaued or went up. I remember seeing some dropped jaws in the room. My message to them was that if I would have stopped, I wouldn’t be standing there at goal, maintaining a 40 pound weight loss.