This past week, lots of people went gaga over Valentine’s Day. I know many-a-Mom who made little goodie bags or got special treats for their kids. The news featured couples tying the knot on this lovely day. Kids (though mine are too old) exchanged paper valentines with their class mates. Perplexed husbands wandered the stores looking for that special gift while most likely muttering under their breath “stupid Hallmark made up holiday”. Wives (myself included) took a few moments to jot down their sentiments on a card. I ran into people adorned in red and pink clothing coordinated with some heart shaped jewelry (of course). And it seemed that every other commercial was an advertisement for flowers or chocolate. What’s not to love?
How about yourself? Did you give yourself any Valentine’s love?
Valentine’s Day got me thinking about the words we say to ourselves. I know…I know…I’ve posted before about positive affirmation and what can I say? I’m a big fan. So I thought I’d do a different take on positive affirmation this time around, exploring a love letter that only we can write.
Imagine for a moment, writing the below note to your child, spouse or friend.
Dear (loved one),
You were just terrible in your (insert activity here) today. I was appalled at your lack of intensity. You said you were trying, but obviously it wasn’t enough. Maybe you should consider giving up? And while I’m at it, you look like heck. Did you even look in the mirror before you walked out the door? Could you perhaps put a little more effort into it next time? And you know that dream you’ve been holding on to, pluueease…give it a rest. It’s out of your reach. You are not smart enough, ambitious enough or talented enough to achieve it. Plus, there are many people out there that are better than you so, how about just quitting while you’re ahead pal? You’re not good enough and quite frankly you don’t deserve it. I say this all with loving candor.
XOXOXO,
Me
Can you imagine writing this letter to that special someone in your life? I hope not.
Yet, too often, we say those exact words to ourselves. How many times have you been hard on yourself for your work performance? We compare ourselves to a colleague or maybe our own previous work efforts. We wonder why we didn’t get the promotion or that oh so perfect job we interviewed for. Driving ourselves crazy with the notion that we're not doing what we're supposed to be doing or what we want to be doing. We begin to self-doubt. Our shoulders start to slump, and we think twice before we put ourselves out there again. How about appearance? Who can scrutinize our stray chin hairs, droopy jaw lines, frumpy figures, out of season wardrobes, pointed/round/upturned/freckled noses and not quite-so-right bodies better than we can? And occasionally, whether subconscious or intentional, we sabotage our dreams. Somewhere along the line we make up our minds that we don’t have “the stuff”. You know, that magical stuff that others are made of, but not us.
When we repeat these words over and over to ourselves, we begin to believe them. And for some, the unkind words grow into an ugly reality that they just won’t let themselves break free from.
Why is it that we’re so afraid to love ourselves? Are we afraid we’ll appear over confident, even cocky?
Have you ever been in the presence of someone who truly loves themself? Someone who is comfortable in their own skin? You can feel it when you are with them. It’s in their smile, their posture, their…dare I say…swagger. J I have a few good friends like this and I cherish being with them because their positive energy bounces off them and on to me, and it makes me see myself in a different light.
Take a few minutes right now to write yourself a love letter. It doesn’t have to be lengthy, just a few sentences. It doesn’t have to be poetic, just honest. It doesn’t have to be sugary sweet with a cherry on top. Take a moment to appreciate one thing about you. Just ONE thing. C'mon, I know you can come up with something. If God were writing a love letter just for you, what would He say?
Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.
Hugs and friendship,
Tara
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