Lost my Weigh

I started my love/hate relationship with the scale way, WAY back in the day. In elementary school I was aware that I was chunky, and by the time I hit middle school, I was already body conscious. I was a part of a baton twirling corps and it was basically my life. My husband is probably laughing as I read this but I had mad baton twirling skills and I had found my tribe. To be a part of the senior baton corps, there was a weight requirement. Gasp! Can you imagine if an organization did that now? The parental outrage. The thing is, it was just one weight requirement, they didn't base it on your height or body make up. On top of that, even though I am only 5'3", it was an unhealthy and unrealistic weight for me, about 15 pounds lower than what my body was meant to be. But of course, I was determined to be a part of the senior corps, so I lost the weight. I was only 13 and had no clue about fitness or healthy eating. So I drastically cut calories and did heavy cardio and the pounds came off. So began my obsession with the scale.

As an adult, I've lost 40 pounds twice, once through Weight Watchers in 1996 and again through Weight Watchers in 2011. In that 15 year span of gaining control of my wellness, I had a major fear of the scale. My Saturday morning weigh ins were angst provoking. I would fret all the way to my weigh in. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep the night before. If I lost weight (or maintained once I got to the maintenance phase), life was good. If I gained weight, even a quarter or a half of a pound, I would mope about it all day. Argh! It's kind of embarrassing to share this, but I share this knowing that many women (and men) have this kind of relationship with the scale.

Fast forward to 2016, in 2016 I started Beachbody and started a new relationship with the scale. Beachbody combines healthy eating, exercise, a positive mindset and group support. My thoughts about the scale started to shift. Because there is a strength training component to many of their programs, I was building lean muscle which meant that sometimes the scale wasn't giving a complete picture of my progress. I could be losing inches yet the scale wasn't moving. I began to focus more on how I felt and how my clothing fit. I weighed in after every program (basically every 21-30 days) and let me tell you, it was freeing to let go of the vice grip hold I had on the scale that was unhealthily linked to my self-perception. "I am more than a number" was my motto. In my mid-40's, I was healthier than I've ever been. Last summer I was able to rock a Mother of the Bride dress that I never dreamed possible.

 <Insert real life here>. Sometimes life comes at you hard. Late summer and fall of 2017 into the winter of 2018 has been a season of change. My daughter and her husband moved to the Middle Easter for work. My son went 5 hours away to his first year of college. I wasn't as prepared for the empty nest as I imagined I was. Change. I found out my job role was coming to an end. Fortunately I was able to continue to work for my company, but it was touch and go there for a while. I ended up in a brand new role, with a new boss and a new work team and getting there took some hustle. Change. My son had a rough start in his first semester and it was super stressful for my husband and me. Change. I injured my shoulder and it triggered my neurological illness so badly that 7 months later I'm still dealing with it. Change, like seriously, who needs it?!?

A month ago, I heard about this new Beachbody program called the 2B Mindset. It's a program that focuses solely on nutrition. I started to think, maybe this is perfect timing since I can't move my body much right now. I hesitated. Did I really have the mental capacity to start something new? I decided that sometimes what seems like the worst time to start something turns out to be the best time. I began the program on Monday and faced the scale for the first time in 10 months. Yep, you read right, 10 months. Ugh! I not only let go of the scale, I forgot all about it as it sadly gathered dust in the closet. To prep for the program, I weight, measured and took before pics (double ugh)!

My weight is up, my measurements are up and it's time to get my butt back into gear. I've got to say that I am loving this program so far, but there is one scary part that I am not quite ready for. Accepting that the scale is a tool and using it daily (yes daily) in combination with a food journal to analyze what went well, what did not and to recalibrate. I understand the principle, but I've worked so hard to not become so reliant on the scale that this is almost a turnoff to the program. I fear it could lead to obsessive behavior. The creator of the program suggests that in place of a daily weigh in (baby steps), you weigh in on Mondays to see how you did over the weekend and Fridays to see how you did during the week. And that's my plan.

Let's face it the scale IS a metric that I need to maintain a healthy weight and to check in. I kind of went too far when I neglected the scale. I'm above my comfortable weight range and without starting this program I may have continued to gain weight. Those pounds are sneaky, they come on a little bit at a time until OMG, I can't fit into my pants anymore.

So that's where I'm at. I am letting go of my fear of the scale and reminding myself that it's just a tool to get me to my goal. It doesn't define me, but it can help to refine me. I'll keep ya posted on my progress, here we go!

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Continue with courage.
Hugs & friendship,
Tara