Dear Holley-

You don’t know me, but I’ve been praying for you all week. Your fundraiser came through my Facebook newsfeed and because I also have Trigeminal Neuralgia, I wanted to learn about your story. Holley, my heart aches for you as you are living my worst nightmare and greatest fear. That you have reached the point where you need to put your life on hold and explore repeated surgical options for relief.

I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia in 2002 at age 29 which is young for the illness. At the time my daughter was 9 and my son was 2. My illness has run the spectrum over the years, from less severe atypical facial pain- numbness, spasms, slight stabbing- to the earth shattering lightning bolts of pain that just take your breath away and seemingly take your life away.

One day when I was sobbing in his office, my neurologist said to me “no-one will ever understand your pain” and that was so validating because no word could ever capture the severity of the pain, or the gravity of the toll it takes on not only your life, but the life of your loved ones.

Today I am blessed to have a pain mitigation regimen that is working for me. It is a combination of acupuncture, exercise, eating right, meditation, prayer, positive thinking and prescription meds.  Because of what I’ve faced, I am truly grateful and mindfully present in every pain free day that God gives me.

I also know that there might be a time when my illness regresses and I am back to the point where I was in 2010, in constant severe pain, at the edge of my rope. Trying any form of treatment that might work- desperate for relief. Taking heavy meds that made me lose my mind and my memory. Attending a support group that was more depressing than uplifting. Wondering if I would have to quit my job. Feeling guilty because my husband had to do everything for me and our kids. Having days where I could not move from bed and would not move my head for fear of triggering new pain. I remember going to church one day and wanting to sing with the hymn but I couldn’t open my jaw so I just let the tears silently roll down my cheeks. There were days when I could not eat. There were days when I wondered how I could continue living that way.

I write a wellness blog and every once and a while I write about my neuralgia, because it has a direct impact on my mental and physical well-being.  In my latest post I touch on one of the worst pain attacks I’ve had in years: http://chewingthefatonskinny.blogspot.com/2015/07/share-your-selfie.html. It also talks about hope in the face of suffering.

It is my prayer that this post gives you encouragement.  Please know that even people that don’t know you are praying for you.

To my blog readers, please take a moment to read Holley’s story, lift her up in prayer and consider donating to help cover the costs of her medical expenses: http://www.gofundme.com/pesinafam.

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE Holley, it is the greatest gift that God offers us. With Him in our lives, there is always hope. Even on the days when I lie in bed in pain and all I can do is cry, I say thank you Jesus, because I’m still alive.  He gave me another day.

Many people with this illness become crippled by fear- afraid to do anything that might cause them pain. Afraid to live life. I work really hard to live out my mantra- I choose faith over fear.

Praying that God sends you relief in the form of this surgery and alternative treatment options and that He gives you the strength and courage to live your best life through it all.

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara