I reached my goal weight (for the second time around) in
2012. Since then, I’ve not only maintained, I’m eleven pounds below that goal
weight.
When talking with a friend this week, I mentioned that I am
struggling with my weight. She said something to the tune of “you’re so teeny,
you can afford to gain a little weight.” And while I love being called teeny
and I probably can afford a gain, I am terrified that that gain will lead to
another and another and suddenly I’ve gained all of my weight back and then
some.
I know that I’m not the only one who has this fear. I’ve
read some behavioral books that imply that this is one of the main reasons that
people don’t reach their goal, not just a weight loss goal, but any type of
goal. Not just the fear of failure, but the fear of succeeding. Because after
we succeed we have to maintain that success.
You know how it goes, you see someone who has lost weight
and notice they are gaining it back and you shake your head and cluck your
tongue thinking “what a shame, doesn’t he/she know better?” Well of course we
know better, that doesn't make it easy.
Most of us know what to do and have the tools to get there.
That whole doing it part- actually making it happen- yeah- that’s the
challenge. I’ve been a Weight Watchers lifetime member for seventeen years and
I still haven’t mastered this weight loss thing. Granted, I’ve come a long LONG
way and I’ve implemented some permanent changes in my life that allow me to be
at and stay at my goal weight. Yet sometimes I think it would be so easy to go
back to my old ways because…well…I love food!
Maintaining weight loss is just as hard (if not harder) than
losing the weight. Not trying to be a downer here, just keeping it real. Pounds are sneaky and they creep back on,
even when we don’t see them. Pounds are like the lint in your dryer trap. You
just keep going about your day to day as they quietly build up and at some
point your equipment isn’t working as good as it used to. And then voila- you
open the dryer trap and what started out as a little piece of lint is slowing
down the whole works. But you didn’t notice it until you really took a good
look.
How easily does this cycle take place? You weigh in and you’ve
gained a pound. You get angry. You eat. You brush yourself off and start again.
You give your best effort. You gain a pound. You get even angrier. You eat. You
quit. You say you’ll come back to it. A month goes by. You weigh in. You’re up
five pounds. You say you’ll start next month. Next month turns to next season.
Next season turns to next year. Not so suddenly (yet it seems sudden), you’re
up forty pounds. This is no joke people, it happens all the time to the best of
us with the most sincere intentions.
I am in the very beginning stage of this cycle right now.
Over the past month the scale has crept upward. The challenging part is that I
still feel great, my clothes fit nicely. I’m still within my healthy goal
range. Having a hard time feeling sorry for me? Want to smack me? I get it. Yet
I beg you to hear me out. I am in the danger zone, the zone of indifference.
The zone of indifference looks a little something like this.
I’ve gained a few pounds. Not enough to be overly concerned, but enough to be mildly
alarmed. Living in this zone is not a
fun place to be, yet it’s a natural place to fall into when you’ve been doing
something for a long time- whether it’s a job, a relationship, a sport, a
skill.
Although I might be feeling indifferent, I know one thing
for sure. I am not the Tara that I used to be and I am NOT going back. It’s not
even an option. I've come too far and have worked too hard to get here.
I started this blog back in 2011 because I was struggling to
lose weight and I needed a public forum to hold me accountable for me actions. And
here I am again. Thank goodness not forty pounds heavier, but struggling
none-the-less.
Over the next few weeks I will be posting about what I’m
doing reinvent, renew and get myself back on track. I hope that my journey in
some way helps you.
Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help.
Continue with courage.
Hugs and Friendship,
Tara
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