The Rabbit Hole

I have been a real pisser over the past few days. To my husband who I know is reading this, thanks for loving me anyway. It started earlier in the week. We have contractors here finishing the basement and I’m so excited to see the finished product! What I didn’t realized is how much the noise from the tools would trigger my trigeminal neuralgia- this week has brought pain and pain and more pain. I started to get angry and have a little pity party for myself. What kind of life is this? I can’t even be in my own home because noise equals pain. But I can’t go outside and work somewhere else either because cold equals pain. And so it went, my negative thoughts took me deeper and deeper down a mental funk rabbit hole until the light seemed so far away.

Yet this time around the rabbit hole looked and felt different to me. It wasn’t as closed in because I left room in there for people to find me. It wasn’t as deep because I could still see the light. So why was it different this time? 

My Beachbody Family. This week I struggled to make good choices because I wasn’t feeling well and I usually soothe with food. However my Beachbody family kept me going. The love and support that I receive from my coach and my challengers and people that I’m just meeting in challenge groups, it makes me want to be a better me. On those days when I didn’t want to push through, I did. I kept my body moving and pushed play because I know, I KNOW how good exercise is for me physically and mentally. And while I wasn’t perfect with my eating I know, I KNOW how good it feels to remain in control of my choices event when I don’t feel well.

Personal Development. Last night was the low point to my week. My neuralgia got really bad and I had to rest and take prescription meds. Because the outside temperatures were going to be brutal cold today (Saturday) I had to move my daughter’s wedding dress fitting and cancel dinner with my daughter and her fiancé. So besides the physical pain, that left me feeling glum. That glum feeling led to my overeating but at one point in the evening I stopped myself and asked- what can I do to self soothe besides eat? I remembered one of my fellow coaches posting about the Tony Robbins documentary on Netflix- I am not your guru. If you have not watched this. Do it. This weekend. The healing energy from that documentary went deep down into my soul. I’ll be doing a blog post about it, stay tuned.

It is crazy how God (or the universe or whatever you believe in) strings moments of hope and encouragement together just when we need it most.

My Beachbody Family. This morning I woke up to some really encouraging messages from my Beachbody challengers. One challenger posted that she’s gone from loose fitting size 18 work pants to a comfortable size 14; she’s in the middle of her second round of the 21 Day Fix. Seeing other people light up, that lights me up too. I received a phone call from one of my challengers just to say that she appreciated my welcome card/gift that I sent her in the mail. A phone call, I mean who calls anyone anymore? How wonderful is that? I get so much joy from helpings other succeed. So.much.joy.

My family. I could write paragraph upon paragraph about my husband of 22 years and how amazing and understanding he is about my illness. He cares for me and our kids beyond measure. He is one of the most giving and selfless men I know. He gives and he never complains, ever. My love for him grows every single day.

This morning I woke up to a text message from my daughter. It was her singing and playing guitar to Made New by the Jordan Howerton band. She could have been agitated that I had to cancel on her today, instead she blessed me with a song. 

All the pour in spirit, mourning weary ones.

There is a savior who has come.

So rest and know the promise of his love.

Take heart and know you’re not alone.

Through his death and resurrection we are not who we’ve been.

We are made new again.

Here’s a link to her singing: https://youtu.be/WMc_7xe8vrU

My God. Man oh man did I need those song lyrics this morning. God’s unconditional love is like a healing balm to my soul. He’s the light at the end of my rabbit hole, guiding me back by putting people and events in my life that show me that everything is going to be OK.

It’s not the big leaps that get you out of the rabbit hole, it’s recognizing hope in the everyday moments of your life. It’s knowing that you are loved just the way you are. It’s accepting help when you don’t want to ask for it. It’s having the faith that one day things be better. It’s resting when you are weary and working your a$$ of when you’re not.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and friendship,

Tara