A Father's Love

If you’re looking for a weight loss or wellness inspiration, you might want to check out one of my previous posts. The fact that I’m writing at well after my bedtime tells me this one’s going to be a little bit different.

I’ve been kicking around a book idea. The story is a love triangle of sorts. It’s about seeking and not receiving love from a family member. It’s about receiving and not wanting love from a family member and ultimately it’s about knowing that the greatest love that I can ever need or want is from my heavenly father.

It’s been tough to write. I’ve stopped and started many times; mostly because some of it is just too darned painful and raw and some of it is fresh. Usually writing brings healing and clarity to me and this time it’s not, which tells me that I haven’t quite found my direction.

While part of my book will be about the complexity of broken family relationships and the need for healing, my intent is to share the hope God gives me now and how he found and repaired me as a lost little girl.

My parents divorced when I was a toddler and I went to live with my paternal grandparents. I lived with them until my grandmother died when I was in middle school and then I went to live with my Dad and Stepmother’s #1 then #2. In high school Stepmother #2 and I didn’t get along so well (that’s putting it lightly) so I went to live with my Aunt and Uncle. There's a whole lot of entertaining family drama in between there. 

As a little girl I often wondered what was wrong with me. I never quite felt like I fit in. I wondered why my Mom and Dad didn’t love me enough to want me to live with them. I felt rejected and alone. I wanted a “normal” family with a Mom and Dad and siblings. Even though I had a wonderful extended family who loved me to pieces, I felt like an outsider. Many times I thought it was surely because I was a bad little girl, and then one day I met Jesus.

I first met Jesus through the love and kindness of the women who worked and volunteered at the Marshallton United Methodist Church, women with great old fashioned names such as Honey, Alice and Florence.  These women hugged me to their chests and told me over and over again how much I was loved by this man named Jesus. I remember how excited I was to be dropped off at preschool or Sunday school. Today, almost forty years later, I can still feel the love that radiated out of those women and that place.

God found me there.

When I got dropped off, all of my troubles went away. I wasn’t a lost child looking for love, I was found. I wasn’t a confused child wondering what my future would bring, my worries were quieted. I wasn’t broken, I was whole.

There is absolutely no explanation as to how I remember exactly how I felt when I was less than five years old during that time and that to this day I can conjure up that feeling of wholeness, of stillness, of belonging. I guess it really is the peace that passes understanding.

I remember standing in the preschool room one day and it seemed as though the world stood still. We were learning the song “this little light of mine” and I was especially enjoying the hand motions that went along with the song. What can I say, I had a flair for the dramatic. I remember how it felt to blow out the pretend candle (my index finger), how that little breath of wind sailed out through my teeth.

Every time I blew out the candle, my heart swelled bigger and bigger. God’s love for me filled me up. I always left there feeling hopeful, almost giddy with his great love for me.  I would run out of the building, braids flying, knowing that I was loved, no matter what. And in that time of great complexity in my life, the simplicity and pureness of that love was enough.

That my friends is what I want to write about. How over and over again, in the lightest and darkest times in my life, God continues to pursue me. I see him in the beauty of a stained glass window. I feel him in the comfort of friend’s arms. I know him through the laughter of my children or the loving gaze of my husband. I hear his quiet whispers. I sense his urgency. I see him in the gifts of others. I feel him in the warmth of the sun. I know him through the pain in this life. I hear him reminding me to keep going. I sense his protection. I am overwhelmed by his grace and mercy.

After all of these years, I finally have finally come to realize that the love of my heavenly father is more than enough. It's a love story that I can't wait to share with you.  

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Holiday Ho-Ho-Ho’s

It’s only December 2^nd, and with a mere 23 days left until Christmas, I can already feel my stress levels rising. Is it me or is there simply not enough time in the day to get everything done? Getting everything done, ha! That’s almost as much of an oxymoron as work-life balance.  The reality is that we will not get everything done, and we need to be at peace with that. Instead of stressing about getting everything done, we need to take a deep breath and refocus our energy on what matters most.

When push comes to shove and we’re prioritizing our daily to do lists, does our health matter most? Does eating right, exercising, meditation/prayer/reflection become the very last items on your list that usually get task forwarded to tomorrow?

Over the years I have learned just how critical it is to take care of myself- my health depends on it. Everything I mentioned above, eating right, exercising, meditation/prayer/reflection- they are like medicine to me. Being well, both mentally and physically helps me to mediate my trigeminal neuralgia symptoms. So even though I need to work, take care of my kids, spouse, household duties, volunteer responsibilities, and the added holiday pressures of shopping, cooking, cleaning, visiting, hosting, decorating- I must still find a way to carve out wellness time just for me- and you do too! No, you don’t need to carve out time for me, but for y-o-u!

We’ve all heard the cliché “in the case of a flight emergency, you must put on your own oxygen mask before you help the person next to you.” We need to be able to breathe to maintain that hectic schedule of ours, or just like the plane, we’re going to crash and burn. Taking the time to be well boosts our immune systems (especially critical during cold and flu season), increases our energy levels and reduces the release of distress induced hormones such as cortisol and adrenalin.

So how do we not let the holiday ho-ho-ho’s ruin our wellness mo-jo?

1) Schedule in some wellness time. Treat your appointment with the gym, a meditation download or spiritual book as a non-negotiable appointment. There is no reason why we cannot take thirty minutes for ourselves, every single day. What we value is where we spend our time. Invest in yourself so that you can invest in others. To do this, you will have to embrace #2.

2) Learn to say no. This is the most difficult time of year to say that one little word. Everyone wants a piece of us. Already this week I have said no to two social events and I’m just fine with it. My friends and family know that I still love them and want to be with them.  No-one is going to want to hang out with me when I’m overextended, tired, sick or cranky. 

3) Take short cuts. I have dedicated full blog posts to this- I am a perfectionist. Everything I do has to be done just right and a certain way. Ain’t nobody got time for that! When my daughter was younger, she belonged to a certain gymnastics team. The team asserted that the baked goods for the meets must be home made. Hells- no no to the ho ho! I will not be made to feel less than because I had to buy baked goods, you got your baked goods and mine came from Giant- got it? Mission accomplished. OK, so this was many many years ago, in the words of Frozen, I’m letting it go. For some reason, especially during this holiday season, we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others. Everything has to be done just so (I blame Martha Stewart). Do your best with what you have on hand and move to #4.

4) Delegate.  When in a supervisory role, I was an effective delegator. I realized that this was crucial to the success of my team and department. I needed to understand my and my team member’s strengths and weaknesses and delegate tasks out accordingly to achieve maximum productivity. At home, I am not the best at this. This goes back to the perfectionist gene- nobody does it quite like me. However, I have come to realize that I simply cannot do it all and stay well. I need to ask for help. Things might not get done the way I want them to, but they get done!

5) Plan and prepare. Usually when we’re overloaded, planning and preparation go out the window. I know that your weekends from now through the new year are most likely over scheduled and a blur. Is it feasible that you take a few hours from Saturday and Sunday to set yourself up for a successful week ahead? For me this means having a house stocked with healthy groceries and having a general idea of my meal plan for the week so that I can make a few meals ahead or at least prep them (with the help of my husband of course). I have also found that taking ten minutes each evening to map out the day I have ahead of me helps tremendously. I look at the next day and evening. Then I figure out how I’m going to manage to eat well, squeeze in some activity and prayer. Sometimes this leads to shuffling around events (if possible), delegating or even saying no.

When I lay my head down on my pillow at night and have my quiet time with God, it’s not often that I thank him for the gift of a painful neurological illness that can pop up whenever it so pleases and ruin my best laid plans. However I do thank him for my life and for the gift of another day and I do my best to make the most of it. For me this means looking for a positive in my illness. My neuralgia has forced me to live well, to want to be well, on the good and bad days.

Remember, God has given you the gift of life- take the time to slow down and handle it with care- it is precious cargo and the only one you've got. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Cracked Vessel

Ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years- that you KNOW, you ab-so-lute-ly know that God is working in you? Isn’t it crazy to think that you are on the mind and in the heart of our Creator every single hour of every single day? That he’s setting things up and putting people around you to love you, shape you, comfort you, lead you, redirect you and maybe even push you out of your comfort zone? Humbling isn’t it?

This past month has been one of those times for me.  Even today as I was on the treadmill and listening to a new song by the Rhett Walker Band called Vessel, God was working in me.

There’s a crack in this vessel, the fabric is torn.

And the ship is staring down, the barrel of the storm.

When you’re drowning in this water with no place left to go.

Can’t you see that you belong to me?

Check it out on iTunes, it rocks!

Anyway…this song revealed to me something that’s been rattling around in my heart and mind for weeks. Something that’s been nagging at me. Something that’s been building through various interactions with different people that have been placed in my life at just the right time.  

That we’re all cracked vessels, we’re imperfect, we’re broken. We long to be whole, for something or someone to fill us up. We just want to be loved, for who we are, for where we are at this junction in our lives. For us humans this is a tall order, yet God, he’s got this!

The other day, one of my new(er) friends commented on how I’m always so well put together. It made me laugh and made me think about one of my best friends Cathy. Cathy and I worked in the same office together during the time when my neuralgia was at its peak, a very dark time for me. She caught on to the fact that on the days that I really didn’t feel well, I dressed extra nice. Perhaps it was the one thing I could control for the day? Plus, I just like fashion!

It’s important for us to allow others in, to let them see our cracks. To let them know that beyond the surface, we have serious and sometimes not so serious items that are in need of repair. If we don’t open up and talk with each other, we’re going to be sitting in our own messes comparing our cracked lives with the shiny and smooth lives that (we think) surround us or even worse becoming drawn into the allure of (un)reality TV and Hollywood. And when this happens we will never be able to measure up.

• I might be put together on the outside, but on the inside I’m:
• Doubting my abilities at work and at home
• A painful introvert that is nervous in social situations
• Struggling with body image
• Trying to keep up with this thing called life
• Comparing myself to others
• Judging
• Working hard to keep the past in the past
• A perfectionist
• Overly sensitive to what people think or say about me
• An awful cook (not even God can help with this one)

I could go on and on. I have cracks, yet I’m not damaged beyond repair. My cracks add character. They make me who I am. They don’t define me, they refine me.

The beauty of having a relationship with God is that I know I’m good. I know that every crack is intentional. In spite of all of my imperfections, I’m content. He fills my vessel and it’s overflowing with his grace, his love, his peace, his understanding, his forgiveness, his knowledge of me- of who I am- of who he wants me to be.

I encourage you this week to open yourself to God, let him pour into you. Open up to others, pour into them.  Embrace your cracks; know that someday you will be whole. Until then, trust the artist who made you, he makes no mistakes.  He’ll turn our shattered pieces into the most beautiful and remarkable mosaic.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Reframe to Maintain

I reached my goal weight (for the second time around) in 2012. Since then, I’ve not only maintained, I’m eleven pounds below that goal weight.

When talking with a friend this week, I mentioned that I am struggling with my weight. She said something to the tune of “you’re so teeny, you can afford to gain a little weight.” And while I love being called teeny and I probably can afford a gain, I am terrified that that gain will lead to another and another and suddenly I’ve gained all of my weight back and then some.

I know that I’m not the only one who has this fear. I’ve read some behavioral books that imply that this is one of the main reasons that people don’t reach their goal, not just a weight loss goal, but any type of goal. Not just the fear of failure, but the fear of succeeding. Because after we succeed we have to maintain that success.  

You know how it goes, you see someone who has lost weight and notice they are gaining it back and you shake your head and cluck your tongue thinking “what a shame, doesn’t he/she know better?” Well of course we know better, that doesn't make it easy.

Most of us know what to do and have the tools to get there. That whole doing it part- actually making it happen- yeah- that’s the challenge. I’ve been a Weight Watchers lifetime member for seventeen years and I still haven’t mastered this weight loss thing. Granted, I’ve come a long LONG way and I’ve implemented some permanent changes in my life that allow me to be at and stay at my goal weight. Yet sometimes I think it would be so easy to go back to my old ways because…well…I love food!

Maintaining weight loss is just as hard (if not harder) than losing the weight. Not trying to be a downer here, just keeping it real.  Pounds are sneaky and they creep back on, even when we don’t see them. Pounds are like the lint in your dryer trap. You just keep going about your day to day as they quietly build up and at some point your equipment isn’t working as good as it used to. And then voila- you open the dryer trap and what started out as a little piece of lint is slowing down the whole works. But you didn’t notice it until you really took a good look.  

How easily does this cycle take place? You weigh in and you’ve gained a pound. You get angry. You eat. You brush yourself off and start again. You give your best effort. You gain a pound. You get even angrier. You eat. You quit. You say you’ll come back to it. A month goes by. You weigh in. You’re up five pounds. You say you’ll start next month. Next month turns to next season. Next season turns to next year. Not so suddenly (yet it seems sudden), you’re up forty pounds. This is no joke people, it happens all the time to the best of us with the most sincere intentions.

I am in the very beginning stage of this cycle right now. Over the past month the scale has crept upward. The challenging part is that I still feel great, my clothes fit nicely. I’m still within my healthy goal range. Having a hard time feeling sorry for me? Want to smack me? I get it. Yet I beg you to hear me out. I am in the danger zone, the zone of indifference.

The zone of indifference looks a little something like this. I’ve gained a few pounds. Not enough to be overly concerned, but enough to be mildly alarmed.  Living in this zone is not a fun place to be, yet it’s a natural place to fall into when you’ve been doing something for a long time- whether it’s a job, a relationship, a sport, a skill.

Although I might be feeling indifferent, I know one thing for sure. I am not the Tara that I used to be and I am NOT going back. It’s not even an option. I've come too far and have worked too hard to get here.

I started this blog back in 2011 because I was struggling to lose weight and I needed a public forum to hold me accountable for me actions. And here I am again. Thank goodness not forty pounds heavier, but struggling none-the-less.

Over the next few weeks I will be posting about what I’m doing reinvent, renew and get myself back on track. I hope that my journey in some way helps you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Above the Clouds

I took this picture when flying back from Utah last week. As I was taking it, I wondered to myself “what would life be like to live above the clouds? To have the perspective that only God has, to be able to see things from a different point of view. To know with every ounce of our being that everything will be OK, to live with that feeling of comfort and reassurance.”

When we go through a dark period in our lives, and all we can see are clouds day after day after day, it wears us down and makes us want to give up. While we logically know that the sun is still there, we can only feel the cold reality of our seemingly hopeless situation and we long for warmth.

I remember reading a book about how the teenage brain works. How the frontal lobe of their brain does not develop until their early twenties. The frontal lobe is the decision making, thinking and planning part of the brain. The book went on to explain why it seems like teens believe that whatever situation they’re in is so traumatic, they have yet to develop perspective.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years this fall since I turned my life around. When I was there- sick, fearful, tired, sad, edgy, anxious, defeated; I would have never guessed that I could be here- well, strong, content, joyful, healthy, grateful. Last night I was thinking about how overwhelming it can be to make a change when you don’t seem to have the wherewithal within to even get started. Change on our best days can feel daunting and on our worst days- impossible.

As I write this I am incredibly thankful that I worked my way through with determination, perseverance and the faith that God’s perspective and plan is far greater than mine. Now that I’ve dug my way out of darkness, I wanted to share a few things that I did that helped me to find my way.

1- Try something different. I tried the same treatment for my neuralgia for nine years. I was (and am) in the hands of a wonderful neurologist. While the meds might have differed, the treatment plan was the same, western medicine. As I neared the end of my rope, in constant pain, losing the battle and wondering if this life was worth living, I had an Aha moment- why not try something different. This is what led me to acupuncture. Acupuncture has forged my path to overall wellness and has grown into a treatment plan that combines eastern and western medicine with exercise, eating well, living well, meditation and prayer. I have never felt better!

2- Ask for help. For a strong, independent person (man or woman), this is not an easy task. For some reason, asking for help made me feel less than; like I was weak, a failure. This cannot be farther from the truth. Asking for help means you’re human. We are designed to need each other, to get well with each other. Reach out to a person you trust. Bare your soul. Bring them along with you on this journey.

3- Have an attitude of gratitude. There were days when I was bedridden. I could not move, any movement, including moving my head, mouth, jaw, even my eyes would create lightning bolts of pain. Some nights I would lie in bed and silently cry. Yet as I laid there I would praise God and thank him for the gift of life. I would ask him for a chance at another day.  When I could move, I kept a gratitude journal. I would write down five things I was grateful for. Even in our darkest time, life is abundant; beauty is around and within us.  There is always something to be thankful for, big or small.

 

4- Live for today. Living with an illness, whether it is chronic, mental or physical can bring about fear. Fear of the unknown- will I get worse? Fear of the next diagnosis- am I getting better? Fear of pain- will I hurt more tomorrow? I have a mantra that I started then and still use now- I choose faith over fear.  Fear is an emotion that we can have power over and we can win. It’s not easy to choose faith, yet I choose it over fear every single time. Choose to live in and with your current reality. Don’t lament over what could have been, or escape to what could be. Live now. Accept now. During one of my sessions with my neurologist, I sobbed to him saying “I am sick and tired of fighting this illness!!!” He said to me “stop fighting, start living.” It made me see that I will most likely have this illness for life, so I need to find a way to live my best life with it.

5- Celebrate the small wins and build on them.  When I started my path to wellness in the fall of 2010, I never would have guessed that I would- lose 44 pounds, gain confidence- lose my fear of public speaking, gain the ability to lead Weight Watchers- lose my fear of living, gain my trust in life- lose my fear of failure- gain a new career- lose caring what others think, gain caring about others- lose anger of the past, gain appreciation for the present. Every time I make a positive change and master it, I push myself to make another small change.

Change didn’t and won’t happen overnight, we just need to believe that it is possible. I think that’s what living above the clouds is all about. It’s about knowing that there is great potential within ourselves and others and taking small steps to achieve greatness together.

Live above the clouds. Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Make Your Own Finish Line

Today was a great day! Some of my Weight Watchers members and I met to walk or run a 5k. Since I’m not a runner (unless I missed the ice cream truck), I knew I was walking it. When we got there, several ladies in our group were feeling spry and decided to do the 10k. Since I had a spring in my step, I thought to myself- why not?

The funny thing about this race was that it was- well- a race. It wasn’t a walk, it wasn’t a fun run, it was a race. There were serious athletes there, set out to achieve their best times. The start of the race was a flurry of activity, we held back to let the runners go (or they plowed through us) and then we started on our brisk walk. Honestly, I was just there for some fresh air, warm sunshine, to get my body moving and to connect with some really fun gals, in no particular order.

The scenery at Gring’s Mill in Reading is breathtaking. The park consists of several covered bridges, an old mill, an abundance of wild flowers, gorgeous old stone buildings, tall and lazy shade trees and a winding trail that runs along the river. I must say that I enjoyed the scenery as much as the company.

As the morning went on, our group split up as some ran, some jogged/walked and some walked. While we all might be at different fitness levels, we all have one thing in common- the desire to be well. As we were strolling along the trail at a reasonably good clip, the 10k runners had since turned around and were now passing us on their way back. I enjoyed watching their muscles move and their faces set with determination. I also appreciated that these focused runners took the time to cheer us on as we kept on keeping on.  

As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t really think about the fact that this was a race or that if we walked it, we’d come in dead last- which we did. The race was done by the time we finished our 6.5 miles, yet who cares? We finished.

There are two really hard things about exercise- the starting and the finishing.

One of my team mates shared what an 81 year old run/walker said as he was walking along “it doesn't matter how fast you walk but that you are out here doing it. You’re a step ahead of those still in bed.” Can I get an amen here?

Start somewhere.

It doesn’t matter where. If we spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, we won’t even begin because we’ll think that our best is not good enough.

You’re good enough.

You are here to delight in your potential. You are here to do only the things that you can do.

Every time that you decide to make a small change, you’re investing in your potential. It doesn’t matter where you end, it matters that you began.

Finish anywhere.

You can make your own finish line.

Choose goals that are right for you. Make sure they’re stretch goals, push yourself slightly more than the last time. The only person you should be measuring yourself against is your best you.

As my team mate and I crossed the finish line, dead last, we gave a little victory shout along with a giggle. We finished what we had set out to do and we had a darn good time doing it.

Start somewhere. Finish anywhere. You're good enough. Make your own finish line.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Authentically Y-O-U

My evening walk tonight turned into an interesting social experiment- in the words of Seinfeld- “who knew?” It was a chillier than usual summer evening, so I donned my beanie hat. I need to wear it because of my neuralgia, so that my ears and neck stay warm when it’s windy. I used to be self-conscious about it and would not wear a hat, thus landing myself with a neuralgia migraine all because I was too vain to wear some protection. Foolishness!

So tonight, even though it’s summer, I proudly put my hat on and got my walk on. As I was walking along, minding my own business, I realized that several folks crossed to the other side of the road. What? Does this nerdy suburban mama transform into a gangsta thug when I wear my beanie?

I mean really…these are probably the same people that cast judgment on the heavy people at the gym. I used to be the heavy person at the gym. Give a sistah a break here. It was hard enough to muster up the energy and the confidence to get dressed into something that semi-fits and covers up all of me. Don’t forget about the baby power needed for my thighs and arms for the sweat and chafing- and that was before I even got out the door. How about you worry about being the best you and I’ll worry about being the best me?  

I am no stranger to judgment.  One of the (several) downsides to being a perfectionist is that you tend to judge others. I don’t mean the physical, I mean everything. Because I hold myself to sometimes unreasonably high standards, I also hold those around me to those standards. It’s something I’m still working on and am very aware of. Unreasonable expectations of others (and me) can lead to constant and unnecessary disappointment. I’m working really hard to see people for who they are and to meet them where they are.

I’m also working on just being me, authentically me. Not who I see in the reflections of the eyes of others. Not who I see in comparison to the nip-tucked, emaciated, spray tanned, teeth whitened Hollywood reality stars. Not who I see in the mirror, the person that I see beyond the mirror, the person within.

This week, I set out to buy a slip with a built in bra to wear with a few maxi dresses. I did not want shapewear. This girl does not do shapewear. I want to be able to breath and move in my clothing.  I could not find anything without firm or moderate control. What the heck is wrong with this picture? Even some of my daughter’s friends wear Spanx and they have these cute little shapes and it’s not good enough.

Have you ever met a person that just radiates from the inside out? A person that by Hollywood standards is not beautiful yet you’re drawn to him/her because of the confidence he/she exudes? Someone that’s just comfortable in their own skin? Most people I meet like this have no idea just how amazing they are because they’re so focused on helping others to feel amazing.

This week, I challenge you to take the focus off of you. Remove the pressure. Drop the need for perfection, for performance, to impress, to be greater than. Stop the pretense.

Just be authentically you.

Moody, classy and slightly sassy. Funny, crazy and sometimes lazy. Grateful, overzealous and on occasion jealous. Joyful, cheerful yet sometimes fearful. Beanie-cap wearing, oh dear Lord I hope that’s not a hair on my chin…y-o-u.

"You are eternal, beautiful, and real." - Vironika Tugaleva

When you keep it real, you allow others to let their guards down. Love. Kindness. Grace. Acceptance. These are gifts that you can give to yourself and to others that are absolutely free.

You’ll be amazed at the people that you can impact by just being yourself.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

One Size Fits All

Last night I was lying in bed and my mind was running. Have you ever had one of those nights when you just couldn't shut things off? I had long finished work, did some housework, watched a little TV and read some of my book, yet it was after midnight and my mind was reeling. The more it reeled, the more overwhelmed I felt.  With the everyday pressures of life, I do my best to unplug and recharge my batteries daily. I’ve learned that to mitigate my neuralgia it’s important to put healthy fuels in my body, to move at least 30 minutes a day and to meditate/pray at least 15 minutes a day. This, along with a mantra or two, usually keeps me feeling well.  My mantra lately has been “I will remain present minded and positive.”  Last night, I didn’t do so hot with that.

I rehashed my work day, going through a few less than stellar scenarios along with stressing about upcoming project deadlines and what needed to happen to get those done. Then I moved on to my kids. If you’re a parent of teens or young adults I’m sure that you can relate that parenting this age group comes with a whole new set of adult-sized worries. I have awesome kids (if I do say so myself), yet there are still issues to counsel and coach our kids on and let’s face it, the on the job training has been minimal and the pay even less. Once I did my best to turn these worries over to God, I moved on to some family stresses- aging and ailing in-laws, wondering how we’re going to manage to take care of them when they really get ill; nursing strained relationships- you know the like.  Since I had myself wide awake at that point, I moved on to the fact that I’m sick and tired of my neuralgia, of missing out of certain life events because I don’t feel well or the weather (too hot or too cold) is not cooperating. And lastly, while I was piling on, I got good and angry about my constant and seemingly endless struggle with my weight.

It was a pisser (as they say in England), a bloody pisser. While this post might seem like a big downer, hang with me here as I’m about to get to the good part.

As I was silently lamenting (while tossing and turning and keeping my husband up), God and I had ourselves a little moment.  He placed this thought in my heart- I am a one size fits all God. This reminder was as refreshing as a peppermint patty. Have you ever been out shopping and picked up a piece of clothing that said- one size fits most? Those labels are stupid and I declare them stupid because for the majority of my life I was- the other- not- the most. I was the one who didn’t fit into the label. I wasn’t- the most.

Yet last night, as God so kindly reminded me, He is a one size fits all God.  

All of me. All of you. All of us.

He loves us all, just the way we are.

He wants us all, just for who we are.

He seeks us all, in exactly the place that we are.

It’s like the John Legend song- “’Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me. I’ll give my all to you.”

And in that moment, when God reminded me that He is my one size fits all God…

My negativity disappeared.

My worries lessened.

My anger deflated.

My mind was taken over by His peace and love. 

My heart swelled with gratitude. 

Who am I? This lowly sinner, a whiner and complainer; yet His grace is bigger and it covers me. 

He is my one size fits all God. I am not- the other. I do not need to be- the most.

His love is the perfect fit.  He is not just my one size fits all God, He is my all.

Holding tight to that hope, I finally closed my eyes and got some rest.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

MUSU

A few years back when my family and I went on a missions trip to Guatemala, a Watson family phrase was coined- MUSU- or as we know it “man up- suck it up.” It started when one of us would whine about something during the trip. Most days we were bone tired from physical labor, the showers were cold, the food was less than desirable and the beds were hard as a rock. And so, like the spoiled rotten Americans we were, we whined. Given the fact that we were on this trip to build a home for a family in need, a family that lived in a sugar cane hut with a tin roof the size of a garden shed with no windows or doors, no electric or running water- our attitudes were truly pathetic. So our kids coined the phrase MUSU and whenever someone started to complain, one of us would say “MUSU”! It was a great reminder to bring us back to reality.

When was the last time you manned up to a fear? Looked it in the eyes and stared it down? MUSUing (if I may take the liberty to turn this imaginary word into verb form) is easier said than done.

Isn’t it much easier to remain complacent, to bury stuff, to take the easy path, to maybe not even try?

I’ve been at this weight loss gig for 17 years and I still find one thing very difficult, to MUSU on the scale. For years, the mighty scale has had this relentless power over me. When I went to weigh-in and I lost weight, I was giddy with excitement. Look at me!!! Ya-freakin-hoo!!! I’m dabomb.com diggity! Nothing could bring me down. And when I gained weight, well, let’s just say I was a “tad” bitchy for the rest of the day [understatement of the year]. Up until only a few years ago, when I gained, I completely derailed. My wellness train jumped the tracks and headed to Hostess Town or Tastycake Station.  My frame of mind? Well- since I already gained I might as well do it up good, REAL good. I’ll go ahead and eat whatever I want for the rest of the day. I’ll get back on track tomorrow. Sound familiar?

It’s a vicious cycle because often times, tomorrow never comes. One day of indulgence leads to the next and then we say we’ll get back to it next week, yet often times next week never comes. So we rationalize and tell ourselves that we’ll be back in the saddle next season, when life is less busy, overloaded, chaotic [insert your adjective here]. The scary part is, that seasons fly by, and as fast as we can blink we’ve suddenly gained 25, 50, 75 pounds and have no idea how it happened.

It happened because we weren’t willing to MUSU. Instead of acknowledgement we chose avoidance. Instead of acceptance we chose denial. Instead of accountability we chose recklessness. We weren’t willing to man up and face the scale.

This week, I experienced just how this could happen. I had a wretched week of eating and I knew it. While I ate very poorly, the good news is that I tracked every item. I KNEW just how badly I did; the results on the scale weren’t going to be a shocker. If I can take a moment to share how this parallels with Dave Ramsay’s teachings in Financial Peace University. Mr. Ramsay recommends that folks purchase items using cash, so that they can feel the pain of the purchase. It makes them think twice about spending. Tracking, or food journaling, even when we’ve had a bad week allows us to feel the pain of the gain. Every item I wrote down that was an indulgence, or an unwise choice, I felt it. This gave me pause and I slowed down to really consider the choices I was making. I kept going (with the poor choices) but they weren’t as bad as the old days. In addition, as an offset, I made sure that I exercised every day. Alas, I still posted a gain.

Since I’m a WW lifetime member and a leader, I only have to weigh in once a month. I could have skipped this weigh in and told myself I’ll get back on track next week. Yet I know, I’m in the middle of a struggle and the best thing I can do is to MUSU and face the scale- every single week- acknowledging, accepting and being accountable for the good, the bad and the downright ugly choices and results.

I truly believe that this change in mindset is how I’ve been able to maintain my 40+ pound weight loss over the past few years. It not that I like food any less I just like being healthy and fit more.  I know that to be healthy and fit, I must remain in this frame of mind where an occasional gain is OK. This means letting go of perfectionism, black and white thinking and acknowledging, accepting and being accountable for my actions- knowing that I have the power to change them at all times.

Man up! Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Sweet Victory

One of the most disheartening things about being a Weight Watchers leader is watching a member slowly give up the fight.  Whether battling our weight or perhaps a more personal challenge, we’ve all been there. Pushing and climbing, clamoring and slipping, breathing and refocusing, struggling and digging, forging forward and then falling behind, maybe flat on our a$$es. Yet we get back up, first on our knees then on our feet; trudging, begrudging, mumbling, and fumbling. Some days trying our best, some days not trying at all. Yet we fight, for that which eludes us, haunts us, taunts us- the satisfyingly sweet taste of victory.

The fight makes us weary. For some (including myself) it’s been the battle of a lifetime. It wears us down and breaks our spirit. Soon we lose our perspective, we forget what we’re doing this for and lose sight of how far we’ve come. We can only see our failure and our inability to get the scale to move- again.

I can see it in people’s eyes, when they lose the spark. I want to take them by the shoulders, look them in the eyes and tell them that the victory is worth the battle.  I want to beg and plead with them to never give up.  DO NOT QUIT.

I want them to know that I hear them. I feel them. I’ve been there, so…many…times…

My heart aches for them. My spirit wills them to press on.  

Over the past month, I’ve watched my weight slowly creep upwards and as the scale increased, so did my frustration. To take a step back (and a deep breath) I broke out all of my Weight Watchers records from 1996 to today and I charted them. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to those who really know me and my anal retentive ways.

The chart was very telling. For most of the last 17 years, I maintained a healthy body weight. While I wasn’t at goal the entire time, I was well.

Yet there were several years that I seriously struggled, the numbers speak for themselves. It began around 2006. I was attending Weight Watchers during my lunch break with a friend. I remember that time very clearly.

In 2006, I regularly attended WW and gained a total of 3 pounds. Looking back, although I might have attended, I only half participated. Really I was dilly-dallying with the program. Some weeks I stayed on plan, and some weeks I didn’t. The effort (or lack thereof) showed.

In 2007 I stopped going because I was stressed and frustrated. I was going to school at night, working full time and the company I worked for was going out of business- soon I would need to change careers. These are not excuses, just circumstances.

In 2008 I regularly attended WW and gained a total of 8 pounds. Once again, I didn’t make a serious effort. Some weeks I was a WW rock star, and other weeks, I just could not focus on the task at hand. Yet I kept going.

In 2009 I regularly attended WW and gained a total of 3 pounds over that year.

In 2010 I stopped going because I was sad and sick from neuralgia. I must pause here and say that 2009 and 2010 were the worst years of my trigeminal neuralgia that had since 2001. I’ve written full blog posts about it. The pain took over every single aspect my life.  I was on heavy medications and pretty much at the end of my rope.  Stick with me because this is where it all turns around.

Near the end of 2010 I found hope and pain relief through acupuncture. Those years of non-stop pain helped me to appreciate the gift of good health.

I praised God for giving me my health back and I promised to honor Him with my body, mind and spirit.

I took a brand new approach to wellness. I dropped my all or nothing mentality. I left behind my black and white thinking. I pledged to make small, subtle changes that would lead to achievable and maintainable results. I started my blog to keep motivated and on track, walked back through those Weight Watchers doors, and here I am.

In 2011 I went back to WW and lost 10 pounds.

In 2012 I kept going to WW and lost 11 pounds.

In 2012 I got back to goal weight!!!

In 2013 I kept going to WW and lost 7 pounds.

In 2014 I kept going to WW and lost 5 pounds.

I am now 13 pounds BELOW goal!!!

The victory is worth the battle. It’s worth the pushing and climbing, clamoring and slipping, breathing and refocusing, struggling and digging, forging forward and then falling behind, maybe flat on our a$$es. It’s worth the trudging, begrudging, mumbling, and fumbling.

Some days we’ll try our best and some days we might not try at all.

Yet we fight, for that which eludes us, haunts us, taunts us- the sweet victory that’s ours for the taking.

There is a warrior inside of us who will not quit!  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Something Amazing Awaits

The illness I have, trigeminal neuralgia, is a battle of the wills. I’ve faced and overcome a lot of serious challenges in my life, yet when I find myself being overtaken with pain so severe that death seems a welcome alternative, it’s sometimes hard to dig deep and stay the course. 

Hazel Grace, the main character (and one of my fictional heroines) in John Green’s book The Fault In Our Stars describes it best. “There was nothing they could do to dim the supernovae exploding inside my brain, an endless chain of intracranial firecrackers that made me think that I was once and for all going, and I told myself- as I’ve told myself before- that the body shuts down when the pain gets too bad, that consciousness is temporary, that this will pass. But just like always, I didn’t slip away. I was left on the shore with waves washing over me, unable to drown.”

I know so many people who are suffering right now, from physical and emotional pain. Suffering heartaches and trauma, dealing with illnesses and loss that must be so overwhelming that much like Hazel Grace, they find it hard to fill their lungs and just breathe. One after another, those relentless waves of pain wrack their bodies, making it hard to come up for air. It’s during those moments that they question their existence, God’s existence. They long for just one moment of rest and peace.

This past week I suffered not one, but two severe neuralgia attacks. For the most part, my neuralgia is manageable, and on a pain level of 1-10 (10 being the highest) I can keep my pain to a 5 or less. However these attacks, they brought about pain levels of 100+. Pain that feels like the devil himself brought it on and hand delivered right to my head. Pain when all you can do is hold still and try to breathe through it, while silently praying to God for mercy. As I was lying there the one night, riding through the pain and waiting for the meds to take over, the news story came on about the tragedy and devastation of the Washington state mudslides. Amazingly, my whole perspective changed. Here were people who lost all or most of their families.  Lone survivors who lost children, spouses and parents that would somehow, day by day, do their best to move beyond the pain. And in that moment, I was simply grateful to be alive, to have been given the gift of another day.

For centuries, many including myself have asked the question where is the Almighty during our times of suffering? While I don’t proclaim to have THE answer, I have my answer. This week, I turned to many things for comfort, one of which was my bible. I re-read the book of Genesis and was provided with this. “And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.” – Genesis 9:12-15.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I see a rainbow, a sunrise or a sunset, I am struck by the sheer magnitude of creation. I am awed and humbled by those gifts of beauty that God places before us. I am overwhelmed by God’s promise of hope, the offering of life now and life everlasting. I am reminded that in our darkest times of despair, when we think that we simply cannot make it through another day, that the sun is always shining behind the clouds. There are days when we cannot feel its warmth and cannot see its light, but it is there, reaching for us, drawing us in.

Spring reminds me of this hope, a season of fresh starts and second chances. Just think about the courage and perseverance it takes for a seed to break through the hard, cold ground. In faith it presses upwards, before it can ever see the light, reaching, straining, longing, yearning for something that it cannot see, but knows is there. Working, trusting, believing that its time will come. And then it happens, in sheer determination it breaks through the surface, blooming in all of its glory, basking in the radiance of the sun that was always there, patiently waiting for its arrival. Illuminating a path so brilliant and so remarkable that it makes us question why we ever wondered if we’d make it through.

No matter what pain you’re facing right now- DO NOT give up. During this battle of the wills, this test of your every mettle, this seemingly never-ending trial, the ground is warming. You are being prepared for your time of glory. 

DO NOT give up before it’s your time to break through, something amazing awaits you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Work in Progress

Sometimes, when leading a Weight Watchers meeting, I am amused by the looks that I get from new members. I can tell by their body language that they are giving me the once over and deciding whether or not I can be trusted. Even after I share with them that I’ve been a lifetime member since 1997 and have lost 40+ pounds, I can still see the doubt in their eyes. Some take a long time to win over and some move on to another class that suits them better.  It’s a tough sell to be at goal, standing in front of folks that desperately want to be well. I can see the looks on some of their faces that convey “yeah, this is easy for her to say, she’s already where she wants to be.”

Your message is heard, understood, and respected- because I’ve been in that seat.  It is my hope, when sharing my stories each week that those same folks begin to learn that I struggle just as much as they do. Just because I’m at goal, doesn’t mean I’ve reached some magical level of mastery. When it comes to any type of addiction, and mine just happens to be food, we are fooling ourselves if we think we’ve arrived.  While I may never be the master of my addiction, I am the master of my choices.

As I mentioned in my last post, the past few weeks have been a struggle for me. The scale is slowly creeping upwards, .2 here, .7 there, .5 here. Those small gains can add up if we don’t take swift action to reverse them.  I’m still amazed that after 17 years of establishing a mostly good wellness routine and practicing many behavior changes, I can fall off the wagon.  For me, one of the hardest parts of the weight loss and maintenance journey is knowing how to redirect myself when I’m stuck or begin to slip up.

My husband says I’m one of the most self-aware people he knows. He’s probably right. On occasion this is to my detriment as I can be a bit hard on myself.  Yet when it comes to losing and maintaining my weight, ongoing self-inspection has been a tool that continues to propel me forward.  When I’m stuck (as I am right now) I take a hard look at some of the things that might be getting in my way. And believe me honey, there are many behaviors that have blocked my road to wellness. Today I will focus on three:

1. All-or-nothing thinking- here’s how this works. We blow it. We eat something we shouldn’t have and now we’re peeved, disgusted, discouraged.  So we think “what the heck, I’ve already messed up. I might as well eat whatever I want for the rest of the day and I’ll start fresh tomorrow.”  And then we go on a gorge fest. Yet for some of us, tomorrow never comes and we let this thinking derail our entire week. We say things like “well, I have four events this week, there is no way I’ll be able to stay on track. I’ll start next week.” Yet for some of us, next week never comes because we’re entering a busy or stressful season.  So we start to rationalize “I’ll get started after my son’s baseball season or once my Mom gets better or after I finish my degree or when work slows down…because I just can’t deal with this right now.” And all of the sudden we find ourselves exactly where I did in 1996 when I stepped on that Weight Watchers scale wondering how I had gained 40+ pounds. How on earth did that happen?

I spent years as an all-or-nothing thinker because I was so overwhelmed with the task at hand. It wasn’t until I realized that I needed to tackle my wellness one day at a time, one change at a time, that I was able to begin to erase this thinking. Let's break it down even smaller. How about instead of taking it one day at a time, we take it one meal at a time? The best corrective action is immediate. If you eat something you shouldn’t have or more than you wanted to- start fresh with the next meal- that same day. If you missed a workout and now you’re berating yourself- take a few minutes to fit in a little bit of activity. A few minutes of activity is better than none at all.

Blaming- Oh man, I was famous for this one. Being overweight was everyone’s fault but my own. It was my grandmother’s fault because she used to put sugar on everything and now I need to put sugar on everything. It’s my family’s fault because we always had dessert after every meal and now I need to eat something sweet after every meal. I was an overweight child so I’m destined to be an overweight adult.  How about these? My husband brought home the cherry Pop Tarts so now I must eat them. My Aunt made me my favorite (high fat) meal; I can’t let her down by not eating it. My daughter wanted to go to McDonald’s, how could I say no? Or the ultimate crutch, it’s in my genes; many of my family members are heavy so I’m bound to be heavy too.

Blaming my genes was my all-time favorite. Dr. Amen writes in his book The Amen Solution: The Brain Healthy Way to Get Thinner, Smarter, Happier “…your genes are not your destiny…genes are not the whole story. It also has to do with how much you eat and other habits.”  To change our bodies, we need to not only change our behaviors, but take ownership of them.

I’m currently re-reading Change Your Brain Change Your Body by Dr. Amen. The portion of this book that covers blame was just the kick in the pants that I needed. In this book he states in part “Blaming others for your problems and taking no responsibility for your own successes and failures is toxic thinking…Whenever you begin a sentence with “It is your fault…” it ruins your life. These ANTS make you a victim. And when you are a victim, you are powerless to change your behavior.”  As I teach my kids (or try to when I think they might be listening), every action has a consequence. You are responsible for YOUR choices that will lead to YOUR actions that will result in YOUR consequences. Start taking personal responsibility for your behavior, right now.

Wearing Rose Colored Glasses- Life is so much prettier when it’s doused in pink. When it comes to regressing back to old behaviors, wearing rose colored glasses is an easy routine to slip back into. Sometimes I sit down after a Weight Watchers meeting with a member who is stuck or frustrated. During that one-on-one time, we walk through a (hopefully) valuable discussion about what took place over the past week. I try to identify areas that might be looking a little too rosy. One of these areas is simply paying attention to and being honest about what we’re eating. Often, when we’ve been at a wellness routine for a long period, we start to slack in the portion control department. We start to think “we’ve got this”, so we eyeball, we guesstimate, we stop reading labels. Slowly the number on the scale starts move up and we can’t figure out why.  I realize that over the past few weeks, this is one of the places where I’ve lost my focus. I stopped weighing and measuring my food and I was a selective tracker (meaning I didn’t write down the bad stuff). You can’t measure what you don’t track. It’s amazing how a ½ cup can quickly become a whole cup of food or how a bite here and a sip there can add up to mindless calories.

I don’t know about you, but if I don’t write down exactly what I’ve eaten at the time I eat it, I find it easier to fib a little. All of the sudden I start to “forget” about that extra Snickers bar or second helping and what’s even scarier is that I start to believe myself.  Looking at what I eat through a distorted lens is not doing me any favors. It can lead to a slow, but startling weight increase. Make the time to weigh and measure your food. Take the time to read the labels. Honestly write down everything you eat and drink each day.

I started this post as a way to get myself back on track. As I mentioned, the scale has started to creep back up and it is time to put a stop to it. It was helpful to take some time to examine where I might be falling short and I hope it helped you too.     

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage. 

And remember that you are a magnificent work in progress.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Be Intentional

Last week my husband and I both agreed to do a two week wellness challenge. You might be thinking, two weeks, really? Yes, two weeks. Sometimes long term goals can be completely overwhelming. I like to set short term goals that get me closer to my desired results. Once I complete this two week challenge, I will evaluate my progress, recalibrate and move forward.

There was nothing fancy about this challenge, the ground rules were simple. For two weeks we would:

• Eat well, staying at or under our Weight Watchers points ranges.
• Get moving, performing 30 minutes or more of daily activity. The only exercise excuse allowed was illness.
• Not bring any baked goods into the house (we had reverted back to some of our old ways).
• We also identified our trigger foods and agreed not to purchase them.

In addition, I added a mental wellness component:

• To take a minimum of 15 minutes each day for prayer, reflection or meditation.

This really got me asking the question "am I being intentional about how I spend my time?" Let’s say we’re awake for 16 hours a day (give or take).  If we factor in an 8 hour work day and a 2 hour commute (an hour each way), that leaves us with 6 hours. If we take away 3 hours to care for loved ones and tend to our many personal/household responsibilities, that leaves 3 hours of leisure time. Phew, that sounded way too much like a math problem, my head hurts. 

Often I hear people say that they cannot possibly find the time to work out or eat healthily. I used to believe the same, until I started to look at how I was spending my time. I realized that conservatively I was spending two hours a night watching TV. Sure, I work hard and that is well-deserved down time. Sometimes it feels good just to veg out. However, I came to realize that I have much more energy as well as much more of myself to offer to others if I spend some of that time taking care of me.  

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you will find a way to make it happen? 

For three years, I attended an accelerated degree program to get my bachelor’s degree. I worked in an office setting full time and had two younger kids with busy schedules. Somehow, I made it work, because I wanted to (and I can’t deny I had an awesome support system in my husband, friends and a flexible employer).

A little over a year ago, I decided to train to become a Weight Watchers leader. I led two classes a week on top of a full time job. Shortly thereafter my husband took a travel assignment and maintaining a life balance became a little more challenging for me. Yet I made it work because I wanted to and I got by with a little help from my friends.

Neither example is meant to toot my own horn. Every day I am in awe of people around me making life work in superhero fashion- going back to school, volunteering, working long days, taking care of elderly parents or sick children, working two jobs, helping others.  Whether you’re in these roles by choice or by default- please remember that you have the ability and the power to take control of your life.

What have you wanted to try that you can’t find the time for? What have you been meaning to do? Who have you thought about that you’d like to spend time with?

What can you sacrifice in your day or who can you ask for help to make it happen?

Dave Ramsey, as part of his Financial Peace University teachings, instructs that we have the power to tell our money where to go.

We also have the power to make the most of our time. While there may be seasons in our life where this might not be or might not seem possible; I believe that in all seasons, life presents us with choices.

Whatever your goal- getting healthier, trying something new, reaching out to someone, starting a second career, forgiving a hurt, going back to school- make the choice to do it, because you want to. Don’t let the choice overwhelm you. Write down your goal and break it into smaller more manageable steps. Pull your resources; you might be surprised to realize that there are people in your life that are ready and willing to help you, if only you’d ask.

You’ll be amazed at what you can and WILL accomplish.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage. Be intentional. 

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Love Your Selfie

This week, my friend Cathy posted a beautiful picture of Marilyn Monroe that got me thinking about body image. That picture, along with the Today Show’s theme this week- #LoveYourSelfie prompted me to write this post.

When I was a little girl, I used to stand shirtless in front of the mirror and check myself out. Don’t laugh, you know you used to do it too, and hey you still might. I had the coolest feature that was unique only to me. The veins in my chest formed an awesome looking bald eagle. I remember staring at myself, grinning, flexing and simply loving my selfie that I saw in the mirror. Plain and simple-I rocked!

As I grew up (and out), looking in the mirror turned into scrutinizing my every feature. We didn’t even have the Internet back in the day, but we had magazines and of course TV. Everywhere I looked, there was someone thinner, prettier, taller [fill in your own adjective here] than me. I fretted about everything from my freckles to my figure, and soon, I became my own worst enemy.   I began to view myself through the lens of a society that created an illusion of perfection; much like those fun house mirrors that distort your features.

Raising my young adult daughter and teenage son in our currently appearance obsessed culture combined with the explosion of social media has proved to be an ongoing challenge. What’s a Mom to do? We want our kids to be confident yet humble. Healthy yet not focused on their weight. We want them to be kind and compassionate toward others as we tune into the latest reality shows that value rapid weight loss, nip-tucks, wife-swapping and smack talking that are so far from reality it’s mind-blowing. How can we expect our kids to not feel the need to measure up if that’s the crap that we’re measuring ourselves by?

I’m guilty as charged. I’ve watched every single season of the Biggest Loser, knowing that their pace of weight loss is not healthy and sustainable. I used to love the show Extreme Makeover even though they performed such radical cosmetic surgeries that the participants didn’t even come close to resembling their old selves. On occasion I ponder what it would be like to do a lighter version of Extreme Makeover- some hair extensions, tanning, teeth whitening, a little body sculpting and then I wonder- what the heck am I thinking? If I did all of that, I wouldn’t be me. I’d be Tara trying to be someone else.

It has taken me years to accept the fact that when God made me, he knew what he was doing. He had a plan, and the plan was me, just as I am. With my short torso and legs, I’m not likely to be that leggy model on the Chico’s so slimming jeans commercial. Side rant- Chico’s I stopped shopping at your store when you started airing those ridiculous commercials. Those women don't need slimming jeans. OK- side rant over.

I’m 5’3” with a not-so-petite frame.  I have broad-ish shoulders. I used to fret about my freckles, now I love them. They make me look younger and hey, they cover my age spots. I always wanted to be the teen that shopped at the 5-7-9 store. Remember that store? Well, I kind of skipped right over those sizes. Now days, instead of focusing on a size, I focus on my health and how I feel. And do you know what? I feel great! 

I feel strong and energized. I feel blessed to be alive and healthy.

In part, being a parent has helped me to change my lens. As a parent, we want our kids to see their own truth. We want them to see themselves like we do. We want them to love themselves as much as we do and we love them so much, it hurts. That got me started on this mantra a few years back- I will honor God with my body. If God my creator, my heavenly Father, thinks that I am lovely just the way I am- who am I to argue? Instead I will give thanks for who I am, just the way I am. 

Even on the days when I’m tempted to use a filter, I will love my selfie, honoring God by believing that He created me to be--- me. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Olympic-sized Heart

In my previous post I wrote that I truly treasure being able to move more, and for the most part, I do. Yet there are weeks when:

·         I’m not quite sure when I will find the time to exercise.

·         I’m exhausted or not well.

·         I just don’t feel like it.

Last week was one of those weeks. I was sick for 3 out of 7 days and when I wasn’t sick we were over-scheduled with activities or I worked long days (10+ hours). So what’s a girl to do? How do I find my get up and go that seems to have gotten up and went?

I’ve heard some people say that “no-one can motivate you but you”, what do you think of that statement? While I do feel that drive comes from within, I also believe that we draw inspiration from all around us.

My first inspiration came when watching Alex Bilodeau, the Olympic gold medalist mogul skier, credit his win to his brother Frederic who has cerebral palsy. It was so beautiful to watch him grab his brother from the crowd and share his winning moment with him. After he won the gold, he talked about how lucky he was that he had the chance and the ability to go after his dreams. I love it when he says that his brother Frederic has the heart of an athlete.  In the video I posted below, Alex goes on to say “when I just complain it’s raining outside and I don’t want to go train. I’m just like what if I didn’t have that chance go train today? I have that chance and I will go.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQgSNl84KAU

Alex’s words reminded me of my gift of good health, and how important it is to live each day with the knowledge of what it means to feel well, to do well, to be well.

After I saw their story, I wrote this reminder on my exercise board.

As long as I can- I will!

It’s there to remind me that I have the physical ability to move- to strengthen and nurture my body- to take care of my heart, lungs, brain. I have the ability to lift and stretch, to jump and run, to dance and leap. It’s my responsibility to take the best care of me. Response-ability. To be responsible means to be accountable for something within one’s power. I am responsible for my choices. If I want to be well, I can be.

My second inspiration came from a gentleman in a wheelchair at the YMCA. As I was watching my son’s basketball game, there was a gentleman in a wheelchair rounding the track for his exercise. He pumped his arms on that wheelchair for the entire time we were there. I thought about what it must have taken just for him to get to the Y. Navigating in and out of his home and his vehicle, or relying on a ride. Then making his way into the gym when we have 12+ inches on the ground and it’s hard enough to walk around on let alone to maneuver a wheelchair. I admire him having the courage to wheel around the track under the potentially judgmental eyes of others.

I watched several interviews with Alex and Frederic Bilodeau and it was interesting to hear both brothers use the word determination.

It reminds me that you don’t need to win a medal to have an Olympic-sized heart.

As long as I can- I will! Will you?

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara