Authentically Y-O-U

My evening walk tonight turned into an interesting social experiment- in the words of Seinfeld- “who knew?” It was a chillier than usual summer evening, so I donned my beanie hat. I need to wear it because of my neuralgia, so that my ears and neck stay warm when it’s windy. I used to be self-conscious about it and would not wear a hat, thus landing myself with a neuralgia migraine all because I was too vain to wear some protection. Foolishness!

So tonight, even though it’s summer, I proudly put my hat on and got my walk on. As I was walking along, minding my own business, I realized that several folks crossed to the other side of the road. What? Does this nerdy suburban mama transform into a gangsta thug when I wear my beanie?

I mean really…these are probably the same people that cast judgment on the heavy people at the gym. I used to be the heavy person at the gym. Give a sistah a break here. It was hard enough to muster up the energy and the confidence to get dressed into something that semi-fits and covers up all of me. Don’t forget about the baby power needed for my thighs and arms for the sweat and chafing- and that was before I even got out the door. How about you worry about being the best you and I’ll worry about being the best me?  

I am no stranger to judgment.  One of the (several) downsides to being a perfectionist is that you tend to judge others. I don’t mean the physical, I mean everything. Because I hold myself to sometimes unreasonably high standards, I also hold those around me to those standards. It’s something I’m still working on and am very aware of. Unreasonable expectations of others (and me) can lead to constant and unnecessary disappointment. I’m working really hard to see people for who they are and to meet them where they are.

I’m also working on just being me, authentically me. Not who I see in the reflections of the eyes of others. Not who I see in comparison to the nip-tucked, emaciated, spray tanned, teeth whitened Hollywood reality stars. Not who I see in the mirror, the person that I see beyond the mirror, the person within.

This week, I set out to buy a slip with a built in bra to wear with a few maxi dresses. I did not want shapewear. This girl does not do shapewear. I want to be able to breath and move in my clothing.  I could not find anything without firm or moderate control. What the heck is wrong with this picture? Even some of my daughter’s friends wear Spanx and they have these cute little shapes and it’s not good enough.

Have you ever met a person that just radiates from the inside out? A person that by Hollywood standards is not beautiful yet you’re drawn to him/her because of the confidence he/she exudes? Someone that’s just comfortable in their own skin? Most people I meet like this have no idea just how amazing they are because they’re so focused on helping others to feel amazing.

This week, I challenge you to take the focus off of you. Remove the pressure. Drop the need for perfection, for performance, to impress, to be greater than. Stop the pretense.

Just be authentically you.

Moody, classy and slightly sassy. Funny, crazy and sometimes lazy. Grateful, overzealous and on occasion jealous. Joyful, cheerful yet sometimes fearful. Beanie-cap wearing, oh dear Lord I hope that’s not a hair on my chin…y-o-u.

"You are eternal, beautiful, and real." - Vironika Tugaleva

When you keep it real, you allow others to let their guards down. Love. Kindness. Grace. Acceptance. These are gifts that you can give to yourself and to others that are absolutely free.

You’ll be amazed at the people that you can impact by just being yourself.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara