Sweet Victory

One of the most disheartening things about being a Weight Watchers leader is watching a member slowly give up the fight.  Whether battling our weight or perhaps a more personal challenge, we’ve all been there. Pushing and climbing, clamoring and slipping, breathing and refocusing, struggling and digging, forging forward and then falling behind, maybe flat on our a$$es. Yet we get back up, first on our knees then on our feet; trudging, begrudging, mumbling, and fumbling. Some days trying our best, some days not trying at all. Yet we fight, for that which eludes us, haunts us, taunts us- the satisfyingly sweet taste of victory.

The fight makes us weary. For some (including myself) it’s been the battle of a lifetime. It wears us down and breaks our spirit. Soon we lose our perspective, we forget what we’re doing this for and lose sight of how far we’ve come. We can only see our failure and our inability to get the scale to move- again.

I can see it in people’s eyes, when they lose the spark. I want to take them by the shoulders, look them in the eyes and tell them that the victory is worth the battle.  I want to beg and plead with them to never give up.  DO NOT QUIT.

I want them to know that I hear them. I feel them. I’ve been there, so…many…times…

My heart aches for them. My spirit wills them to press on.  

Over the past month, I’ve watched my weight slowly creep upwards and as the scale increased, so did my frustration. To take a step back (and a deep breath) I broke out all of my Weight Watchers records from 1996 to today and I charted them. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to those who really know me and my anal retentive ways.

The chart was very telling. For most of the last 17 years, I maintained a healthy body weight. While I wasn’t at goal the entire time, I was well.

Yet there were several years that I seriously struggled, the numbers speak for themselves. It began around 2006. I was attending Weight Watchers during my lunch break with a friend. I remember that time very clearly.

In 2006, I regularly attended WW and gained a total of 3 pounds. Looking back, although I might have attended, I only half participated. Really I was dilly-dallying with the program. Some weeks I stayed on plan, and some weeks I didn’t. The effort (or lack thereof) showed.

In 2007 I stopped going because I was stressed and frustrated. I was going to school at night, working full time and the company I worked for was going out of business- soon I would need to change careers. These are not excuses, just circumstances.

In 2008 I regularly attended WW and gained a total of 8 pounds. Once again, I didn’t make a serious effort. Some weeks I was a WW rock star, and other weeks, I just could not focus on the task at hand. Yet I kept going.

In 2009 I regularly attended WW and gained a total of 3 pounds over that year.

In 2010 I stopped going because I was sad and sick from neuralgia. I must pause here and say that 2009 and 2010 were the worst years of my trigeminal neuralgia that had since 2001. I’ve written full blog posts about it. The pain took over every single aspect my life.  I was on heavy medications and pretty much at the end of my rope.  Stick with me because this is where it all turns around.

Near the end of 2010 I found hope and pain relief through acupuncture. Those years of non-stop pain helped me to appreciate the gift of good health.

I praised God for giving me my health back and I promised to honor Him with my body, mind and spirit.

I took a brand new approach to wellness. I dropped my all or nothing mentality. I left behind my black and white thinking. I pledged to make small, subtle changes that would lead to achievable and maintainable results. I started my blog to keep motivated and on track, walked back through those Weight Watchers doors, and here I am.

In 2011 I went back to WW and lost 10 pounds.

In 2012 I kept going to WW and lost 11 pounds.

In 2012 I got back to goal weight!!!

In 2013 I kept going to WW and lost 7 pounds.

In 2014 I kept going to WW and lost 5 pounds.

I am now 13 pounds BELOW goal!!!

The victory is worth the battle. It’s worth the pushing and climbing, clamoring and slipping, breathing and refocusing, struggling and digging, forging forward and then falling behind, maybe flat on our a$$es. It’s worth the trudging, begrudging, mumbling, and fumbling.

Some days we’ll try our best and some days we might not try at all.

Yet we fight, for that which eludes us, haunts us, taunts us- the sweet victory that’s ours for the taking.

There is a warrior inside of us who will not quit!  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara