Above the Clouds

I took this picture when flying back from Utah last week. As I was taking it, I wondered to myself “what would life be like to live above the clouds? To have the perspective that only God has, to be able to see things from a different point of view. To know with every ounce of our being that everything will be OK, to live with that feeling of comfort and reassurance.”

When we go through a dark period in our lives, and all we can see are clouds day after day after day, it wears us down and makes us want to give up. While we logically know that the sun is still there, we can only feel the cold reality of our seemingly hopeless situation and we long for warmth.

I remember reading a book about how the teenage brain works. How the frontal lobe of their brain does not develop until their early twenties. The frontal lobe is the decision making, thinking and planning part of the brain. The book went on to explain why it seems like teens believe that whatever situation they’re in is so traumatic, they have yet to develop perspective.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years this fall since I turned my life around. When I was there- sick, fearful, tired, sad, edgy, anxious, defeated; I would have never guessed that I could be here- well, strong, content, joyful, healthy, grateful. Last night I was thinking about how overwhelming it can be to make a change when you don’t seem to have the wherewithal within to even get started. Change on our best days can feel daunting and on our worst days- impossible.

As I write this I am incredibly thankful that I worked my way through with determination, perseverance and the faith that God’s perspective and plan is far greater than mine. Now that I’ve dug my way out of darkness, I wanted to share a few things that I did that helped me to find my way.

1- Try something different. I tried the same treatment for my neuralgia for nine years. I was (and am) in the hands of a wonderful neurologist. While the meds might have differed, the treatment plan was the same, western medicine. As I neared the end of my rope, in constant pain, losing the battle and wondering if this life was worth living, I had an Aha moment- why not try something different. This is what led me to acupuncture. Acupuncture has forged my path to overall wellness and has grown into a treatment plan that combines eastern and western medicine with exercise, eating well, living well, meditation and prayer. I have never felt better!

2- Ask for help. For a strong, independent person (man or woman), this is not an easy task. For some reason, asking for help made me feel less than; like I was weak, a failure. This cannot be farther from the truth. Asking for help means you’re human. We are designed to need each other, to get well with each other. Reach out to a person you trust. Bare your soul. Bring them along with you on this journey.

3- Have an attitude of gratitude. There were days when I was bedridden. I could not move, any movement, including moving my head, mouth, jaw, even my eyes would create lightning bolts of pain. Some nights I would lie in bed and silently cry. Yet as I laid there I would praise God and thank him for the gift of life. I would ask him for a chance at another day.  When I could move, I kept a gratitude journal. I would write down five things I was grateful for. Even in our darkest time, life is abundant; beauty is around and within us.  There is always something to be thankful for, big or small.

 

4- Live for today. Living with an illness, whether it is chronic, mental or physical can bring about fear. Fear of the unknown- will I get worse? Fear of the next diagnosis- am I getting better? Fear of pain- will I hurt more tomorrow? I have a mantra that I started then and still use now- I choose faith over fear.  Fear is an emotion that we can have power over and we can win. It’s not easy to choose faith, yet I choose it over fear every single time. Choose to live in and with your current reality. Don’t lament over what could have been, or escape to what could be. Live now. Accept now. During one of my sessions with my neurologist, I sobbed to him saying “I am sick and tired of fighting this illness!!!” He said to me “stop fighting, start living.” It made me see that I will most likely have this illness for life, so I need to find a way to live my best life with it.

5- Celebrate the small wins and build on them.  When I started my path to wellness in the fall of 2010, I never would have guessed that I would- lose 44 pounds, gain confidence- lose my fear of public speaking, gain the ability to lead Weight Watchers- lose my fear of living, gain my trust in life- lose my fear of failure- gain a new career- lose caring what others think, gain caring about others- lose anger of the past, gain appreciation for the present. Every time I make a positive change and master it, I push myself to make another small change.

Change didn’t and won’t happen overnight, we just need to believe that it is possible. I think that’s what living above the clouds is all about. It’s about knowing that there is great potential within ourselves and others and taking small steps to achieve greatness together.

Live above the clouds. Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara