Faith

“It doesn't matter what you've heard, impossible is not a word. It's just a reason for someone not to try. Everybody's scared to death, when they decide to take that step. Out on the water, it'll be alright”. ~Kutless (What Faith Can Do)

For those of you who have been following along, I’m extremely excited to say that as of yesterday, I am a certified Weight Watcher’s leader!!! This milestone means far more to me than being able to lead a Weight Watcher’s meeting. For me, it means keeping the faith when everything seems to be falling apart.  I want to share this story with you, my friends and readers, in hopes that you’ll see that in dark times, the sun is always shining behind the clouds. Sometimes you might not feel its warmth or see its light, but the possibility is always there.

Just a few short years ago, I was in a much different place emotionally and physically than I am now. I was in a job that didn’t let me be me. Sure, I was really good at my job, but just because you’re good at your job doesn’t mean that it’s THE job for you. My confidence dropped to an all-time low. I became really boxed in at work and because certain people put limits on me, I put limits on myself.

I was sick. I know I’ve shared my struggled with my neuralgia in previous posts. I was so darned sick. Dealing with chronic and daily pain is enough to send a person over the edge. The illness controlled everything I did. I could get pain from stress, pain from heat, pain from cold, pain from noise, pain from movement, pain from laughing. My illness put limits on me, so I put limits on myself.

My solution was food. I fed the pain. I fed the sadness. I fed the anger. I fed the exhaustion. I fed the frustration. I fed the desperation. The food was limitless. I could eat as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. The food was always there. I was stuck in a never-ending cycle. Pain made me eat and food caused more pain, then pain made me eat again.

It really wasn’t until I had a little major breakdown in my neurologist’s office that I realized that I was allowing myself to be the victim. I remember sobbing hysterically in his office and saying “I’m so tired of fighting this illness”. And he said to me “stop fighting it, start living with it”. Start living. LIVING! And in the words of Oprah, that was an a-ha moment for me. I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t even living anymore. I was just going through the motions. I had spent so much energy fighting everything that was wrong, and going wrong, that I didn’t have enough energy to simply live.

Fast forward three years. I found alternative medicine (acupuncture), and I started living. I had the courage to go after a new job, and I started living. I began to take responsibility for what and how I was eating, and I started living. With every new step I took, the limits began to slowly fall away. When my doctor said “start living with it”, I heard start living. LIVING! And I realized that it was up to me to make a change. These changes did not, and will not, happen overnight. These changes have taken patience, reflection, discipline, self-forgiveness, the ability to ask for help, perseverance, humility and most of all faith. When I began this journey a few years ago, I had no idea where it would lead. I wasn’t sure I could believe in myself. I didn’t know if I had what it took to break free.

Yet I did, and here I am today. Taking leap after leap of faith, knowing that no matter what happens, I will land on my feet. And you will too!

 “Life is so much more, than what your eyes are seeing. You will find your way, if you keep believing.” ~Kutless (What Faith Can Do)

Ask for help. Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara