Cold Feet

Have you ever jumped into something and once you committed thought “oh crap, what have I gotten myself into?"At that point you know that you have two options: 1) quit 2) plow through your fear.

That’s where I was last month with Beachbody. Now some of you may be thinking- ah Tara, it’s a little early on to get cold feet (just two months in)- but no, not really. Becoming a Beachbody coach was an even bigger risk than becoming a Weight Watchers leader- why? The big fat “R” word- rejection. In the Weight Watchers meetings, while people would come and go, for the most part I had a captive and engaged audience. Not the case with Beachbody, I have to work for it.  

Perfectionists and people pleasers don’t do well in the land of potential failure and rejection. I have always wanted people to like me, to show me some level of approval. As I mature and as I remember that I’m a child of God and he’s really the only one that I need to be pleasing, the need to be liked has decreased, but it’s still there. It creeps up on me every once in a while.  

I just got off of an incredible three hour Beachbody webinar. One of the things that they talked about is that not everyone is going to support your journey and you have to be OK with that. On the flip side, there will be champions who surface who you didn’t even expect. This was a very important reminder to me. Haters gonna hate, right?!? As long as you love what you’re doing, why should their opinion even matter?

The biggest battle I’m fighting right now is getting over the NO. This one is seriously a character builder. I know that a year from now I’m going to be blown away by how much I’ve grown by being willing to put myself out there. You don’t get if you don’t ask. But the asking, it can be so scary. Maybe that all comes back to me translating a NO into people not liking me. I know that to succeed in running this business I need to get past this. So as I found myself at a crossroads last month, quit and cower or plow through my fear, I chose to plow through. How could I not when I wear the same ring each day that reads-faith over fear?

I am confident that I am exactly where God wants me to me. That he has set me up for this moment. That everything I’ve learnt and every person I’ve come into contact with is spilling over into this opportunity. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so excited about something!

I don’t have to be the shrinking violet. The person who works behind the scenes who’s afraid to speak up. Always the back-up singer, never the lead. That was my choice, nobody put me in those roles but me.  And now it’s my choice to shine. To lead. To follow my calling. To work my ass off. To blow my goals out of the water. Because I can. I control my choices. I control my actions and reactions. I choose to be well. I choose to help others to be well. I chose to plow through, one plodding step at a time. Because dammit, I have never EVER felt better and I want people to have a chance to achieve their goals and to pursue what they once thought impossible.

I’m throwing some socks on these cold feet until they’re nice and toasty. I’m not going to wait to do something until everything is lined up in perfect order. I’m just going to do and I’m going to work. Have you ever looked at a time in your life when you went through tremendous spiritual or personal transformation? And you can pinpoint exactly what you were doing and what transpired to get you to that moment? I know that is what 2016 is going to be for me. What do you want to do and what or who is stopping you?

Go back to school. Look for a new job. Change careers altogether. Pursue a new friendship. Walk away from an unhealthy relationship. Start a wellness plan. Try a new hobby. 

Fear is not a real emotion. It’s something that we create based on our current perception of our reality. Some people may look at a snake and be terrified. Some people love snakes. It’s the same snake. It’s our thoughts that change. It’s our thoughts that need to change for us to move forward. 

For the past two months, I’ve been operating in a steady state of discomfort. I have a little flutter in my belly and I know that flutter leads to growth and change.

Decide. Commit. Succeed. Be all in, don’t be a dabbler. Tomorrow is not promised.

It starts with the decision to change. It continues when you put yourself out there. When you share your commitment and ask others to hold you accountable. Surprise yourself with your success. Knock your own freaking socks off! 

Just Hold On

Last week it was time to say goodbye to my good old laptop. I was filtering through and saving the most important stuff, my pictures, and came across this one. I remember how I really hated taking the pic, but I needed to create a work profile pic so I didn’t really have a choice. It’s amazing how that one pic can jolt me back to how I felt at that time in my life.

I was barely holding on. Only those truly close to me probably knew it and most I’m guessing didn’t. I was completely and utterly lost and defeated. My chronic neurological illness had beaten me down to where I started to lose hope. And I’m a rather hopeful person so it takes a bunch of crap to break me down. Besides being in almost daily physical pain, topped with the lightning bolt pain that comes with my neuralgia, my life wasn’t panning out the way I wanted it to. My job? While I was thankful for it, I was far from doing what I enjoyed but honestly I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do with myself when I grew up. I was struggling big time to lose even a pound of weight. I was disgusted that I had gained almost everything back I had lost on Weight Watchers. And while I kept trying to get the scale to move, it just wouldn’t budge.

Of course I had many blessings in my life. My husband and kids, family and friends, an awesome church family. Our finances were pretty solid. Overall good health (minus the neuralgia part). Yet I was feeling pretty restless and unsatisfied. My kids were in their pinnacle of busyness, multiple sports and activities per kid made our week nights and weekends a blur. I had gotten so caught up in the idea of being Ashlee and Josh’s Mom that I didn’t realize I had lost who I was and what I wanted. I wasn’t even really sure what I wanted, I just knew that there were some great things in store for me, I could just feel it.

I remember sitting in my acupuncturist’s office for my first appointment. I just broke out in a sob because I was so darned exhausted. I said to her “I just can’t do this anymore. I am at the edge of my rope.” At the time I didn’t realize that I was talking about more than my chronic pain. Life wasn’t working for me, but I couldn’t figure out what wasn’t working or really what I wanted.

If you’ve followed my blog at all, or know me well. You know how far I’ve come since that time. I am absolutely incredulous at how the pieces of my life have fallen into place since then to make this new me. This is the part that’s hard to explain, how it feels. It feels peaceful yet energizing. I am at complete peace with the person I am yet driven to keep getting better. I’m not a sports person (by far) but this must be what I feels like when an athlete is in the zone. When all of their training leads to their moment.

What I realize now is that it’s a culmination of everyday moments that lead to these big moments. I could not see it then, but everything (even the super crappy stuff) was breaking me down to build me up into someone stronger. The career path I’ve taken, the friendships I’ve made. Growing my faith through church groups and missions. Learning to focus on my health, being willing to explore holistic treatment options. Writing this blog, writing for Grace & Such. Taking control of my eating and behaviors. Becoming a Weight Watchers leader and now becoming a Beachbody Coach, helping others while learning how to run my own business. 

I’m so ecstatic about this life I’m living that some people might want to smack the enthusiasm right out of me. Maybe you’re one of them- LOL. But if you know me, you know, I’ve worked my ass off to get here. 

I’m writing this because I want this for you. If you’re feeling lost, stuck or at the end of your rope- just hold on. Hold on for dear life dear friend. What you may not realize is that in this tug of war called life, people are pulling for you. Dig in your heels, and pull hard in the direction of your dreams.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Arrivederci Weight Watchers

In the summer of 1996, a year after getting married at my heaviest weight, I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting. I was 24, exhausted and depressed, a lost soul. I had no idea if the program was going to work for me or if I’d be willing to put in the work. Six months later I was 40 pounds lighter and I not only fell in love with how I felt as a new healthy me, I fell in love with Weight Watchers.

I’ve been a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers since 1997, now that’s some program staying power. As many of you know, I’ve been somewhat of a Weight Watchers evangelist. Those who know me know that there are two things I get really excited about- Jesus and Weight Watchers. Of course over the span of 20 years I wasn’t always able to maintain my weight. That thing called life happened on occasion. In 2011 I went back on the program, got back to my goal weight and have been maintaining ever since.

Since then, I’ve blogged about how Weight Watchers has changed my life and indeed it has, not just physically but emotionally. One of the biggest changes that came with my (more recent) weight loss is my willingness to take risks. Deciding to become a Weight Watchers leader was a HUGE leap for me. I’m an introvert so standing in front of that room could have equaled pure torture- yet instead it led to pure bliss. I found out that I kind of (shhh- don’t tell anyone) like public speaking. More importantly, I LOVE helping people to reach their goals. I love seeing the light come on in their eyes and in their souls when they realize what they can accomplish. When they begin to see what’s possible for them.

When Weight Watchers let me go as a Leader because I couldn’t lead in the winter due to my neurological illness I was devastated. Devastated! I had finally found the thing that makes my heart sing. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I cried about it. I blogged about it. I got good and angry about it. I prayed about it and was met with silence.

If you know me, you know that I’m a little impatient. Because I’m a mover and a shaker (on most days), I expect things to happen. Waiting a year or more for something to happen, well…that’s simply unthinkable. So I started writing down goals on my vision board. I truly believe that you can think something into existence. By speaking your goals out loud, by writing them down, by keeping them in front of you.

Suddenly, I went from feeling stuck to feeling incredulous at what began to unfold in my life. I began to co-lead a weight loss support group at my church. While the group remained small, I met some truly amazing women who continue to have an impact in my life. One of the women who came to my group is my current Beachbody Coach Erica. She came and shared her successes and struggles and also talked about Beachbody. She led a Cize (dance workout) for the group and brought in some Shakeology samples.

While I was curious about Beachbody, I wasn’t overly eager to learn more about it because being a Weight Watcher had been ingrained in me for 20 years and it was working for me. Erica and I kept in touch over Facebook and I watched her continued success on the program. I loved her enthusiasm and energy and what I really started to get intrigued about were the workouts. While Weight Watchers has a solid nutrition plan and they encourage you to be active, they do not offer a fitness component as part of the plan. Since I was already at goal, I really wanted to start to transform my body, changing fat into muscle.

Fast forward several months from when Erica came to my weight loss support group…and all it took was one ask…Erica asked me if I wanted to join a Beachbody challenge group. While I was hesitant (I blogged about my entire 21 Day Fix experience here), I decided to give it a go to get rid of some winter weight gain and to start to tone my body. I was intoxicated by the results. So much so that my addiction to feeling fit and healthy is now overpowering my addiction to food (and I LOVE food). That’s a statement right there folks.

I believe in the program so much that after my first challenge group I decided to become a Coach. Can I tell you what a blessing it is to be able to help people again? It lights my soul up from the inside out. Can I tell you what a God thing this is? That I found a program that I love as much (if not more) than Weight Watchers, that allows me to help myself, to help others, to run my own business, to make a profit and to do it at my own pace and on my own schedule? A-maz-ing! Beachbody is an incredible company that provides ongoing support, motivation, personal and professional development. In the short month that I’ve been a Coach I’ve received more training, development and recognition than I ever did at Weight Watchers (as an employee). And the people---they are passionate, driven and inclusive. It’s like having an instant wellness family.

I’m a firm believer that everything (I mean everything, even the super crummy stuff) happens for a reason and that many times it doesn’t happen at your desired time, but it happens at the right time.

Weight Watchers will always be my first love. Just like when you think back to your first love, you get that nostalgic feeling and maybe breathe a heart-filled sigh, that’s what Weight Watchers will always be to me.

This is why I’m saying arrivederci (until we see each other again) to Weight Watchers. It’s a part of who I am. The behavior changes and the friendships I made during my time as a Weight Watcher will always be with me. I’m just packing them in my suitcase and bringing them along on this new adventure. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Continue with courage. 

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

New Day New Way

Last night we watched Eddie the Eagle. I was enthralled with the main character Eddie- his never quit mentality and his consistently sunshiny outlook. Come to find out that Nate (my hubby) felt this way, direct quote- “I was looking for a sharp object to dag my eyes out.” Well, I guess we had two different takes on the movie.  None-the-less it inspired some wellness related thoughts for this post.

Starting a wellness journey, whether to lose weight, transform your body, or both can seem like a task of Olympic-sized proportions. Especially if say, you’ve been there and done that before, perhaps again and again only to never reach your goal. At some point in that vicious cycle of self defeat, you may decide “why bother” and you settle for a life that’s “good enough” because it takes too much out of you to consider trying again.

I get that. I’ve been there. Several times. But I’m so glad that for some reason this time around I decided to see it through and I think that one of the biggest reasons why I was successful was a change in my mindset.  

Mindset is more important than skill set.

Eddie, who decided he was going to be an Olympic ski jumper, had no training or skills to be a ski jumper. Yet he got in his mind that he was GOING to be a ski jumper and that nothing was going to get in his way. He may not have had the skills but he had the right frame of mind. Skills can be taught, a positive mindset comes from within. When you decide to have a positive frame of mind, you start to take control of your choices. You become the victor not the victim. Every day you wake up you can make the choice to be well. Will there be obstacles? Yes. Will there be crappy a$$ days? Hell yes. Getting healthy is hard work and it comes from consistently and persistently making one small choice that leads to one small action that leads to one small choice that leads to one small action that eventually, EVENTUALLY can lead to your Olympic-sized change.

Glory comes from seeing that the everyday moments are actually the big moments in the making.

At one point in the story Eddie’s coach tells him that he’s settling. That in choosing to do the 70m jump in the moment rather than training longer and working harder toward the 90m jump, he’s selling himself short. This one I agree and disagree with. Of course you’re going to shoot for that big moment- whatever that moment is for you. Getting to your goal weight. Running a half marathon. Being a certain size again (or for the first time). Doing a triathlon. Whatever it is, you know that it’s within your reach AND it’s going to take a lot of sweat and tears (and perhaps good cry here and there) to reach it. It’s important to keep our eyes on that big moment so we stay focused, but we don’t want to miss out on the everyday moments that are getting us there.

Preparing a healthy meal. Exercising when we don’t feel like it. Trying a new food. Starting fresh when we screw up. Increasing the weights or reps during a workout. Noticing that our clothes fit looser than they did before. Baking food instead of frying it. Cooking something at home instead of eating out. Passing on the bread bowl while eating out. Drinking water instead of soda. Having a single scoop ice cream cone instead of a double. Swapping out white bread for whole grain bread. THESE are the moments, that require determination, that require resourcefulness. These MOMENTS lead to the big moments. Don’t forget to celebrate these small wins.  

Your past does not determine your present.

Eddie was surrounded by naysayers, but that did not stop him. Eddie knew that doing his best was his only option and that’s how he approached each day. He decided to prove people wrong. He decided to prove himself wrong. *movie spoiler alert* That state of mind is what got him to the Olympics.

Just because you’ve always been overweight doesn’t mean you always have to be. Just because you always stress eat doesn’t mean you have to be a stress eater. Just because you always try and fail on a “diet” doesn’t mean you have to fail this time. Eddie said these words out loud “I am a ski jumper” before he even was one and then he did what it took to make it happen.

What would happen if you started saying things like “I am fit” or “I make good choices” or “I am an athlete” or “I am strong” or “I am healthy”?

A new day can equal a new way, if you so choose.  Face your fears head on and give it a go. Sometimes you just have to take that first jump.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Movement as Medicine

This week Beachbody’s CEO Carl Daikeler shared a link about the medicinal benefits of exercise and I’m so glad he did. When you have a moment, give it a look by clicking here.

Last night there was a woman on American Ninja Warrior that uses movement to mitigate her Parkinson’s symptoms. The piece gave me mixed feelings, I was sad that this young, vibrant Mom has Parkinson’s and I was glad that the show featured her story and that she’s found some alternate relief. While of course prescription medicines are necessary to control many diseases, exercise is an often overlooked way to lessen/control certain symptoms.

I know for a fact that exercise has played a key role in lessening/controlling my chronic pain caused by trigeminal neuralgia. And now, the proof is in the numbers.  When I did the 21 Day Fix, moving my body for 21 days straight, I took no prescription medicine. Of course an illness as complicated as mine has many triggers and considerations but here’s the real deal- the more I move my body the better I feel. The more I move my body the less pain I have. I’ve been using exercise as medicine since 2011- along with prayer, meditation and eating right. Could this be the magic pill that many are searching for? Maybe. The magic is in the hard work, consistent good choices, behavior changes and cultivating a positive attitude of gratitude.

If you’re about to stop reading stick with me here…I was the girl who used to eat cake while watching the Biggest Loser. Stuffing the delicious bites in my mouth while cheering the contestants on “you go girl, go you!” I was the girl whose idea of activity was having to get up for another snack from my horizontal position on the couch. I was the girl who got winded on her own stairs at home and who always took the elevator at work. The one who always looked for the closet parking spot at the store. I was the girl who was terrified to go to the YMCA because someone might stare at me. The one who went through the drive through. I was the girl who had that Eeyore attitude about exercise “why bother?”

So what changed? After the worst year of my life due to my illness I was given a second chance. I went from being bedridden with pain to being able to move my body. What a gift! So I decided that I needed to start moving. I started with walking. It’s nice and simple and it’s free. Just lace up your sneaks and go. At the time I was 40 pounds heavier and so darned tired all of the time. But I set small visual goals for myself. First I’ll walk to that stop sign and turn around. Next I’ll walk to that street sign and turn around. And before I knew it I was walking 4 miles at a nice clip.

For me this process has been about slow and steady progressions. Start with 5 minutes on the elliptical and build from there. Start with 1 pound weights and increase your reps, then increase the weight amount. It’s also been about erasing my all or nothing attitude. I used to feel like if I couldn’t get an hour of activity in, why even start. But let’s look at it this way, 10 minutes of activity is better than no activity right? The article recommended 150 minutes of activity a week- that’s about 21 minutes a day.

Aren’t you worth 21 minutes a day? Isn’t your long term health worth 21 minutes a day? How about prolonging your time on this awesome earth with your family and friends? If you don’t invest in you, who is going to?

Start today, start small and build from there. You'll get stronger every day that you put in the work. 

A year from today when you look back on your journey you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come.

What are you still sitting around for? Get up and get moving! You’ll feel so great when you're done, the hardest part is just getting started.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Living with Intention

What if you woke up this morning and decided to take control of your choices? What would happen if you set the intention of your day to be well? What would your day look like? What would you need to do to make it a reality?

For years I was stuck in a self-imposed rut. I had many MANY excuses and blamed many MANY people and circumstances, but looking back it was all on me. There were years (and I mean years) that I could not get the scale to budge. I was even going to a weekly Weight Watchers meeting at the time with a friend. The scale would go down, and then back up, then down a bit and then back up. And I just could not figure it out!!!  For a while there I blamed a bunch of things…hormones…certain medications (not that these can’t be valid at times)…slow metabolism…my busy schedule…my family history of obesity……I got mad at a lot of things, including myself for being such a gosh-darned failure.

Yet it was really none of those things. It was my victim mentality, my piss poor attitude and my woes me state of mind that was getting in the way. When I look back, I really wasn’t working on my wellness, I was half-a$$ing it. You know what I mean if you’ve been there. I’d get good and angry that the scale wasn’t moving but truth be told, I was only eating well some of the time and I definitely wasn’t exercising as much as I should have. Yet I’d shake an angry fist at the scale and be in such an emotional funk when I did have a gain that I’d just quit- and that my friends was a vicious cycle.

I was convinced at that time in my 30’s that I was having some hormonal or metabolic issues because my tummy was bloated and I just couldn’t get the scale to move. This conviction was also false. Not that there aren’t people with real medical issues but my issue was the food I was putting in my body. Now that I’m making good food choices, my digestion is on point and no more belly bloat.

Another excuse I had was my busy schedule. Pardon the rant here, but busyness is one of the biggest excuses I hear from people who want to be well and don’t make the time to do so. Granted I was a young Mom of two young kids in multiple activities. I worked full time, had a commute, and volunteered. But once again, if I was really truly seriously about being well, I could have carved out some time for me. Busyness was another excuse in my arsenal that I used to stay angry at myself and to remain unproductive. I know people that work full time, have families, responsibilities, go to school at night and they still make time to be well. This busyness thing, it’s an epidemic; I could write pages about it, pages!  When my husband and I went through Financial Peace University, they taught us that being financially responsible is about the choices you make (they call it telling your money where to go). Being well is also about the choices we make. It’s a conscious choice that we have to make daily, over and over again. This means having to say NO to some things and people and YES to other things and people to make ourselves a priority.

Side rant here…if you’re a parent and you’re reading this…think about being a role model for your kids, no matter how young or old they are. Self-care is not selfish. It shows our kids that we value who we are and that they should do the same. When we make excuses that get in the way of our wellness, it’s almost like we’re saying “I’m not important/valuable enough to invest in myself”. Rant over (for now).

“Optimizing yourself tends to enhance those around you. People are contagious.” Dr. Daniel Amen

Lastly, I used my family history as an excuse. I have obesity on both sides of my family. I was an overweight child and that meant I was bound to be an overweight adult, right? Wrong! What this does mean is that I need to work harder than folks who are not prone to being overweight. This was a really lame-o excuse. It was me giving the power to my family and family history instead of taking control. I control my choices. Sure, we all have certain friends and family who make it harder for us to pursue wellness. They might cook in unhealthy ways, be food pushers, skinny-shamers, you name it. We may live in environments that make it harder to be healthy. But ultimately it is we who control our actions and choices, every single day.

Today I encourage you to think about the thoughts that you think and evaluate your belief system. Write them down. Take a good, hard, honest look. What is getting in the way of you taking that first step to be well? What actions do you need to take to start moving forward?

Start every day with the intention to be well. Make choices that support that intention.  

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

21 Day Fix- Week 3- Hurdles

I started out week 3 with a laser focus and a mantra of finish strong. I knew going into week 3 that I had an over-programmed personal schedule so I’d have to take extra care to plan ahead for success. What I didn’t plan on however was a knee injury.

Half way through week 3 I tweaked my knee at (of all places) my yoga class; the kind of tweak that wakes you up in the middle of the night with pain. Geez-oh-man was I discouraged. How on earth was I going to finish strong if I couldn’t keep my body moving? Yet I needed to focus on my life beyond the 21 days which meant listening to my body. The day after my injury I rested my knee and alternated ice and Motrin. The next day I decided that my upper body wasn’t broken so I did Upper Body fix and Abs. The next day I went on a slow walk, (very, very slow) to see how my knee felt.  It was tender. I knew I had to take it easy even if that meant I didn’t have the kind of finish to the 21 days that I’d hoped for.

Instead of focusing on the negative, I focused on what I could control, my eating. I knew it was important to keep my eating on track. On this particular week that was extra challenging because at work it was fiscal month/quarter end which means longer, more stressful days. On Friday 5/27 the last day of closing out the month, I experienced a non-scale victory. Usually month end drives me to Dunkin Donuts for a little stress eating, but this time I had my Shakeology. It felt amazing to stay in control of my choices. So amazing!

My knee continued to gimp along so I did what I could in the workouts modifying anything that might hurt my knee. That’s one (of the many) things I love about this program. You can modify it to your fitness level. I must admit I had stereotyped all Beachbody participants into lunks (like on the Planet Fitness lunk alarm commercial). What I learned being a part of this challenge group is that people who are working the Beachbody programs are just people who want to be the best versions of themselves. Sure, there are people who are in incredible shape, who have true beach bodies, and they worked hard to get there. There are people who are working towards weight loss goals, fitness goals, and personal bests. The challenge group helped me to stay focused, motivated and to learn new things. I loved being surrounded and supported by people who are focused on being well just like me.

 

All in all, I lost 3 pounds on the 21 day fix (you may lose anywhere from 4-7 pounds) and I gained:

• Energy
• Focus
• Better sleep/waking up before my alarm clock
• Less hunger/carb cravings
• Control of my eating
• Muscle definition
• The shorts I bought for vacation in March are now too big

What I also gained is confidence in myself and Beachbody, which is why I’m proud to announce that I am now a Beachbody coach!!!

Life is going to put hurdles in front of you that take on many shapes and forms; some less serious and some very serious.

“If you’re tired of starting over, stop quitting.” – Autumn Calabrese

Do what you need to do to keep going, whether you step over the hurdle or just barely crawl under it. Do what you need to do to be the best you.

While my 21 days has ended, my transformation has just begun.

Won’t you join me on this journey?

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara