Love Letters Part II

For those of you just join reading my blog for the first time, you might be wondering…what kind of blog is this? I thought this was a wellness blog?

And for the most part, it is. Yet some times I just want to write about life and my life experiences, so I do, because I enjoy it.

Some of you might be wondering…is this a “Christian” blog. And while that’s not necessarily my intention, my faith is who I am, it’s not a separate entity or part of me, it is me.

When I write posts like the one here, I take the risk of losing readers and…I make no apologies.

Wellness for me goes beyond the scale. It’s being well mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

So, you’ll find a mixed bag of posts here, and I hope you enjoy them. Below is a continuation of my Love Letters post. Take the time to love yourself as God loves you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

If God was writing a love letter just for you, what would he say?

My dear child,

Let me first start by simply stating- I love you. My love for you is greater than you might ever understand, until we meet someday.

I think that you are incredible. Every time you turn your face to me, I smile.

I created you exactly as I planned. I make no mistakes. You are what I intended. And you are good.

In my eyes, you are perfect.

You are capable of loving greatly, because my heart is yours.

I think that you are amazing. Every time you open your life to me, I smile.

You are worthy and deserving.  

Even when you turn away from me, I love you.

I will always pursue you.

When you think no-one is listening, I hear you.

When you think no-body could possibly understand, I do.

You are different because that’s how I designed you.

Please do not place limits on yourself, for I have created you with many purposes in mind.

I want you to take risks and live your life out loud, in my name.

There will be pain so you might know me.

You are strong and courageous.

When you fall I will catch you.

I love you so much that I gave my only son for you. 

Know that no matter what you do or what you say, you are forgiven.

I’d say I can’t wait to meet you someday, but we’ve already met.

Until then, I love you.

Your loving Father

Love Letters

This past week, lots of people went gaga over Valentine’s Day. I know many-a-Mom who made little goodie bags or got special treats for their kids. The news featured couples tying the knot on this lovely day. Kids (though mine are too old) exchanged paper valentines with their class mates.  Perplexed husbands wandered the stores looking for that special gift while most likely muttering under their breath “stupid Hallmark made up holiday”. Wives (myself included) took a few moments to jot down their sentiments on a card. I ran into people adorned in red and pink clothing coordinated with some heart shaped jewelry (of course). And it seemed that every other commercial was an advertisement for flowers or chocolate. What’s not to love?

How about yourself? Did you give yourself any Valentine’s love?

Valentine’s Day got me thinking about the words we say to ourselves.  I know…I know…I’ve posted before about positive affirmation and what can I say? I’m a big fan. So I thought I’d do a different take on positive affirmation this time around, exploring a love letter that only we can write.  

Imagine for a moment, writing the below note to your child, spouse or friend.

Dear (loved one),

You were just terrible in your (insert activity here) today. I was appalled at your lack of intensity. You said you were trying, but obviously it wasn’t enough. Maybe you should consider giving up? And while I’m at it, you look like heck.  Did you even look in the mirror before you walked out the door? Could you perhaps put a little more effort into it next time? And you know that dream you’ve been holding on to, pluueease…give it a rest. It’s out of your reach. You are not smart enough, ambitious enough or talented enough to achieve it. Plus, there are many people out there that are better than you so, how about just quitting while you’re ahead pal? You’re not good enough and quite frankly you don’t deserve it. I say this all with loving candor.

XOXOXO,

Me

Can you imagine writing this letter to that special someone in your life? I hope not.

Yet, too often, we say those exact words to ourselves.  How many times have you been hard on yourself for your work performance? We compare ourselves to a colleague or maybe our own previous work efforts. We wonder why we didn’t get the promotion or that oh so perfect job we interviewed for. Driving ourselves crazy with the notion that we're not doing what we're supposed to be doing or what we want to be doing. We begin to self-doubt. Our shoulders start to slump, and we think twice before we put ourselves out there again. How about appearance? Who can scrutinize our stray chin hairs, droopy jaw lines, frumpy figures, out of season wardrobes, pointed/round/upturned/freckled noses and not quite-so-right  bodies better than we can? And occasionally, whether subconscious or intentional, we sabotage our dreams.  Somewhere along the line we make up our minds that we don’t have “the stuff”. You know, that magical stuff that others are made of, but not us. 

When we repeat these words over and over to ourselves, we begin to believe them. And for some, the unkind words grow into an ugly reality that they just won’t let themselves break free from.

Why is it that we’re so afraid to love ourselves? Are we afraid we’ll appear over confident, even cocky?

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who truly loves themself? Someone who is comfortable in their own skin? You can feel it when you are with them. It’s in their smile, their posture, their…dare I say…swagger. J I have a few good friends like this and I cherish being with them because their positive energy bounces off them and on to me, and it makes me see myself in a different light.

Take a few minutes right now to write yourself a love letter. It doesn’t have to be lengthy, just a few sentences. It doesn’t have to be poetic, just honest. It doesn’t have to be sugary sweet with a cherry on top.  Take a moment to appreciate one thing about you.  Just ONE thing. C'mon, I know you can come up with something. If God were writing a love letter just for you, what would He say?

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Birthday Cake

Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too? This past week, we celebrated 3 birthdays; mine, my son’s and my cousin’s. Cake all around! Between the parties and dinners out, I had cheese steak, fries, and cake, cake, cake! And when I got on the scale, I lost a pound.  And did I mention that I lost said pound without exercising? (I’m still on exercise ban healing my broken foot).

If I sound like some infomercial for the latest diet craze, it’s intentional.  

Eat all the junk food you want, don’t exercise and YOU too can lose weight- NOT!

Let me clarify my half-truths.  This week, between the parties and dinners out, I had a half of cheese steak, a half a serving of fries, and two half slices of cake.   And I lost a pound. Even though we had two nights out and one party, I did not use that as an excuse to go off program. I allowed myself to have a few treats and then dialed it in.

Since I posted the Great Confessional, in which I confessed to gaining 2.6 pounds over the holidays, I have lost 3.2 pounds. This is not to say how flipping fantastic I am, it’s to say YOU CAN DO IT TOO!  

Weight Watchers asks us to write down and commit to one small change every week. And you know one of my favorite sayings, small changes lead to big results. This week my small change was pretty major to me. Every year I use my birthday as an excuse to…ah… how do I put this lightly…eat as much cake as I darn well please…and then I get back on track. I order a cake from my favorite bakery, Bakers of Buffington in Downingtown.  Hands down, they have the best vanilla butter cream icing! My saliva glands are in overdrive as I write this. I’d use the icing as hand lotion if I could and then I’d lick my fingers all day long.  During my birthday week, I eat a slice of cake a day…until it’s gone. Sometimes I even share it with my family. ;)

This year, I took a different approach. I feel too healthy to sabotage my hard work, yet I still love cake. Who doesn’t? So I brought home a slice of cake for each person in my family. And boy did I cherish it. I cut the slice in half and had half of it one day, and half of it the next day. My teenage son with a never-ending appetite saw my unfinished half of cake slice in the pantry and said “Mom- are you going to eat that?” Son, you don’t mess with your Momma and cake!!

I am so glad that little by little I have been able to make small changes that have led to a sustainable weight loss AND I still get to enjoy life with family and friends.

What’s one small change that you can commit to this week?

Start right now!!!

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Thumbnails

This weeks’ Weight Watchers meeting topic was Believe It and Achieve It.  Would you agree that it’s easy easier to believe in yourself when things are going well? When you’re succeeding? But what happens when you get stuck? Or bored? Or lost? Or demotivated to continue the journey? What then?

A few many-many years ago, I was in college majoring in art education. Side bar #1: I later changed my major to business. One of my first college art classes was Drawing 101. I was totally psyched to take the class. I enthusiastically bought my supplies, my drawing pad, pencils, various smudging tools and erasers and was on my way. I had been drawing with a passion since, well, since I could hold a crayon.  This was going to be my class. I was going to do my thang! 

After some enlightening tutelage, my Professor, who I shall not name here, gave us our week 1 drawing assignment. It was a still life, a drawing of a few inanimate objects arranged in a composition of our choice. We had a week to complete the drawing. Piece of cake, I thought to myself. I’ve got this assignment in the bag! As we were walking out the door he shouted, make sure you do at least 8 thumbnail sketches.

I chuckled to myself as I walked out of the classroom. Thumbnails…snicker, chuckle, snort…he wants us to do thumbnails. What a waste of time. Thumbnail sketches are small rough sketches to help you design your final drawing. They are intended to help you explore composition, lighting, different techniques and so forth.

The following week I strolled into class with my final drawing. As you might guess, I never bothered to do the thumbnails. I already had my concept in my mind and that’s what I drew. My Professor asked us to hang up our drawings and he’d walk around for our critiques.  Side bar #2: If you’ve never been through a critique in front of a class of your peers, it’s a ball confidence buster.  And much to my chagrin he also asked us to post our thumbnails. Oh snap! I thought as I began to perspire and inwardly panic. I didn’t do the darned thumbnails. Fast forward to the end of the critique, and not only did he blast my work but I got my first “D” on an art project for not doing all of the work. My husband and I were dating at the time and I’m very sure he remembers my many calls to him lamenting about how unfair and terribly mean my Professor was.

When I was reflecting about my weight loss journey, and how I’ve been able to maintain and stay motivated for the long haul, the importance of thumbnails came to mind. So many times people, myself included, want to jump right to the after picture. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we woke up the next morning thin? Ah? Yeah!

Yet the thumbnails are where the magic happens. Our composition begins to change. We re-arrange and re-prioritize our days. We edit and re-edit what we eat until we discover a winning combination that leads to less of us on the scale. And if the first sketch isn’t quite right, we try again. We explore new ways to be active, alone and in groups until we find something that works.  We examine our habits and find new routines.  We squint our eyes and look in the mirror, searching for the person we already know is inside and ever so slowly we see ourselves in a new light.  We draw and we erase. Sometimes we crumple up the paper and sometimes we frame it.  And finally, after days, weeks, months, years of trial and error, we are faced with and end result that fills us with accomplishment and pride.  Suddenly we see a magnificent work of art that only God and hard work could design.   

What I’ve found after being a Weight Watchers member for 16 years is that my work is never done. And I don’t mean that in a “life’s a chore kind of way”. I mean it in a “life’s a gift kind of way”. When I’m bored, or tired, or demotivated or disenchanted, I take a few steps back from the canvas and find a new way to look at the old me. Maybe I need to change my composition or my  technique. Or maybe this time around, I don't need to change at all. Perhaps I just need to see myself in a different light.

Don’t be afraid to try. That’s why God made erasers.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

The Great Confessional

Well…well…well….yesterday I found myself face to face with…the great confessional…Every day…at a Weight Watchers meeting near you….its members face something with mighty and majestic powers…the scale. 

As a WW member and now a leader, it’s so interesting to watch people as they approach the scale…a.k.a. the great confessional.  Some approach with an “I’m all that and a bag of chips” confidence. Chin held high, they weigh in, maybe even wearing jeans, jewelry AND keeping their shoes on.  If you've weight in publically before, you know what I'm talking about with the jeans, jewelry and shoes. They know they had a great week and are excited to see their weight loss reflected on the scale.

Others are just not sure. As they wait in line, they can’t tell if they had a good or bad week. They think they had a good week and based on their behaviors all signs point to yes, yet they’re a bit unsettled about it. They shuffle their feet, wring their hands, glance around the room avoiding all eye contact and patiently wait their turn to be weighed.

Lastly, there are those who are very sure that facing the scale is their come to Jesus moment. All of the sudden that scale becomes the great confessional.  We’ve all been there right? Speaking from experience, it goes a little something like this.  On a day such as this, as I’m dressing for my WW meeting, I put on my lightest clothes possible.  I definitely DO NOT eat before my meeting but I do bring a snack and a water to eat AFTER my weigh in. As I drive to the meeting, I replay my bad choices in my head thinking “what the he@$ is a matter with you Tara, you KNOW better?” By the time I actually get to the meeting, I’m already in a tizzy. I (of course) hit the bathroom getting every ounce of pee out of my system. Waiting in line for the scale, I fidget and jitter around like I have ants in my pants and am facing the Queen of France. When it’s my turn to weigh in, I strip down to what’s socially acceptable without going naked.  And then, the great confession begins. It starts something like “I already know what the scale is going to say. I’m sure I gained. I didn’t drink enough water. I ate out three times. I drank too much coke.  I couldn’t exercise because I was sick. I didn’t write down my food. I had my period. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. Work stressed me out. The dog ate my homework”. Soon I sound like some sad, bad country music song that’s playing the score of my life.

As I’m blurting my confession out to my leader or the receptionist and I hear her whisper that I’ve gained, suddenly what I’m hearing is “You’re a failure. You didn’t try hard enough. How could you do this to yourself? You’ve been doing this for 16 years. You should be perfect.  How could you get this wrong? You know better.”

This week, after not weighting in for a month and that month being the holiday season, I knew my weigh-in was not going to be pretty. Add to that a broken foot, being on exercise restriction combined with just getting back from an all-inclusive all you can eat vacation…I knew it was not going to be pretty, it was going to be downright ugly.  And I was right, I gained 2.6 pounds. I must admit that while I was prepared for a gain, I was not prepared for that gain and it sent me reeling for the rest of the day.

Yet today is another day and while I was folding laundry and watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN, I heard Martha Beck say “what you believe and what you expect is what you will get”.  That hit close to home for me as I reflected on my actions of the past month.  Because it was the holiday season, and I had a broken foot, and I was going on an all-inclusive all you can eat vacation, I expected a gain and that’s exactly what I got.

I’m not surprised by this, but I am disappointed with myself. Because I know that if I truly wanted to, I could have lost the weight. And I know that if I set out to do so, I could have maintained my weight.  It’s like when you were a kid and one of your parents instead of yelling at you gave you that look that said “you know better and I am very disappointed”. Sigh…exhale...

I know that I have more power than that mighty and majestic scale.  I know that I have the tools, the knowledge, the will, the determination, the grit and the positive attitude it takes to conquer the great confessional.  

Next week I expect to see a loss on the scale. Even though I still can’t exercise, I can control my eating habits and behaviors. I will not use the inability to exercise or any other excuse to sabotage my wellness journey.

No-one or no-thing should have power over you.

I repeat, do not give people or things power over you.

You control you.

Not others, not your past, not your future, not your circumstance.

Y-o-u control you.

Set a goal for yourself this week and know that "what you believe and expect is what you will get". 

Expect the best and amazing things will happen for you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Why Not?

When was the last time you were truly afraid of something?

My husband and I just got back from an awesomesauce trip to St. Thomas. During our time there, a snorkeling excursion was scheduled and I gladly hesitantly went along. I’m not a big fan of getting wet or swimming, so snorkeling was kind of a no-go for me. Add to that the fact that I’m terrified of fish both large and small and you can understand why I went into the trip with a grand plan that included lounging, reading and sunbathing.

Before we boarded the boat, I had already informed my husband that I would joyfully watch him and the others snorkel, if I decided to move from my lounging, reading and sunbathing position. 

We sailed from St. Thomas to the calm, caribbean blue waters of St. John.  The boat anchored and the crew began handing out the snorkeling equipment and explaining some safety procedures. Most people on board were chatting amongst themselves and eagerly donning the snorkel gear. The views of the cliffs and reefs nearby were incredible and the water was a gorgeous blue even our camera couldn’t capture. After I assured my husband that I was fine with hanging back on the boat, he rode down the boat’s slide, arms in the air.

Once (most) everyone was in the water and off exploring, I told myself that I was perfectly content with being an observer. I stood on the deck, head raised to the sky, enjoying the glory of the warm sun combined with a cooling breeze on my skin. I watched as people explored the ocean depths in groups or alone, wondering what they were seeing. And slowly, my curiosity started to get the best of me. Maybe I was missing out on something really good? Did I want to be an observer or a participant?

I planted myself on a bench on the front of the boat and began lamenting to no-one in particular that I really wanted to snorkel, but I was terribly afraid. The nice solid bench on the boat was comforting and predictable. How could I venture into those waters not knowing what was in there? What if I saw a sting ray? Steve Irwin was an expert in his field yet died from close contact with a sting ray. What if I got too close to the black prickly sea urchins? Their poison-filled spines could make me sick and sore for days. What if I met up with an especially large fish and it could most likely swim faster than me?

My fears might sound irrational and to some silly, but at the time they kept me plastered to the bench. Yet there I was in the Carribbean, surrounded by the incredible beauty of God’s creations, with an expert crew there to support me. So after a little bit a lot of pacing, hand-wringing and pep talks, I decided to give it a go, with a few conditions of course. Condition #1- I wouldn’t “snorkel” per say, but I would go for a leisurely swim with goggles and a swim noodle. Condition #2- My husband would swim ahead of me and warn me of any “large fish” or potential danger. Condition #3- I could get out at any time and was allowed to scream like a girl because, I am one.

After sitting at the top of the slide for a while, I finally opted to slowly back down the steps and into the water. The water was warm and lovely. I peered through my goggles, checking out the sea life below and slowly made my way at a pace that suited me just fine, s-l-o-w. I will admit that my terror was not reduced much by the beauty around me but I did relax slightly and try to appreciate my surroundings. I floated about for a while until my husband took out his snorkel and said “I don’t mean to alarm you, but there is a very large fish right below you”. And that my friends, was the end of my adventure. I swam as hard and as fast as my arms and legs would take me and hastily boarded the boat.  

A few years back, as I was beginning to get myself well, physically, spiritually and emotionally, I decided that I wanted to be a WHY NOT person. I declared that if God placed a situation before me, I wouldn’t ask WHY, I would ask WHY NOT.  Easier said than done right? Yet for the most part I am proud to say that I am turning into a WHY NOT person. I have begun to view situations that are scary, challenging and new as blessings and gifts.

And I’m beginning to understand that just like the crew and equipment on the boat, God has equipped me with the talent, support and equipment for the task at hand, whatever that may be.

All I need to do is ask WHY NOT?

If there is something new you’ve been wanting to try or something overdue you’ve been meaning to face, there is no better time than now to dive in. If you’re like me, you’ll find that the worry was worse than the act itself. And you might surprise yourself and have fun along the way.

I want to be that person who slides into life feet first with my hands in the air. How about you?

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

WW Debunked

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re listening to someone talk and they’re…well…let’s just say…a tad ill-informed? You patiently listen as they blab on and on and on…

Wouldn’t it be awesome if just once it was socially acceptable to cut someone off in mid-conversation? Or if it was cool to roll your eyes and let out a huge sigh? 

It’s always interesting when you hear people discussing something you’re passionate about. With representation from folks like Charles Barkley, Jennifer Hudson and Jessica Simpson, Weight Watchers has been getting a lot of airtime, both on TV and in real life. A while back I was watching a daytime talk show (to go unnamed) and they were talking about Weight Watchers. It was fascinating to hear what they thought the program was about. Some of the hosts were on the money and knew a lot about the program and some made assumptions and generalizations that made me cringe.  When I’m chatting it up with people (and maybe they’re the ones rolling their eyes) about Weight Watchers, I’m really surprised about people’s impressions of the program. And while everyone is certainly entitled to their opinions, I thought I’d take a moment or two to debunk some of the things I’ve heard about the program, especially with the rollout of Weight Watchers 360. Plus, I’ve always wanted to use the word debunk, so here we go:

1) I can’t eat out. WW is designed so you can enjoy life while losing weight. On top of your daily points plus target, you get additional points plus allowance to use however you want and wherever you want. These additional points can be used on that mocha latte, drinks and appetizers at girl’s night out or for a special occasion. WW also provides tools for you to calculate the points plus values of restaurant foods, so you can make wise choices and plan accordingly. While I don’t eat out nearly as much as I used to, I eat out several times a week and I relish every tasty morsel.

2) Working the points plus system doesn’t teach me how to eat right.  This might be the most frustrating statement I hear about the program. WW has created a simplified process for calculating the value of food and has assigned points plus values to each food based on its fiber, fat, carbohydrate, protein and overall nutrition. And yes, things that are “not so healthy” such as baked goods and fried foods also have points plus values and are a part of this program. However, the very core of the program is made up of good health guidelines which are the daily recommended intake of lean proteins, fruits and vegetables, lowfat/nonfat dairy, whole grains and healthy fats. WW also emphasizes Power Foods that are high in nutrition, low in fat and make you feel fuller longer.  You will learn about making wise food choices, incorporating activity, along with behavior changes to revamp your spaces and routines.

3) I already know how to lose weight so I probably won’t learn anything new. I’ve been a WW member for 16 years and I STILL learn something new at almost every meeting. From new recipes, food substitution or preparation tips; to ways to evaluate my goals, behaviors and reinvent myself. I truly value the knowledge and support I receive from my WW leader, peers and materials.

4) I can’t afford it. For some who are financially strapped, I can appreciate your dilemma. I’ve been there, where I’ve had not one extra penny to spend, and yes there is a cost to the WW program. The program ranges in cost from $11 to $14 per week depending on your area and the plan you choose. Please consider the following when mulling over the cost of the program. Some insurance will reimburse you for the cost of the program once you reach goal. My insurance fully reimbursed me for the program and I used the money for smaller clothes. You might be spending $14 a week on lunch out with friends. Think about using that $14 for taking better care of you. Skip that lunch out with friends and take a walk with them instead. $14 is a minor cost for such an important investment- you!

5) I tried a meeting once and did NOT like it. Try again (please). I have been to a variety of meeting locations over the years; they all have their own vibe and attract different member audiences.  Every leader is different and what will appeal to some will not appeal to others.  Some leaders are serious, some no-nonsense, some funny and some hands-on.  Find a meeting location and leader that is right for you. Once you make that click with a leader and location, you will be on the fast track to a new you.

Now that I’ve told you what Weight Watchers is not, let me tell you what it is. Weight Watchers is a program designed for human nature. It’s been around for 50 years and is backed by member success and years of scientific research. It’s a program that will teach you how to make healthy food and lifestyle choices for life. It goes beyond the food to the behaviors behind and around the food.

I feel very blessed to be a part of the Weight Watchers organization, as a member and an employee. The program has changed and continues to change my life for the better.

I invite you to come along on a wellness journey with me. To learn more about WW click here.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara