The next question is...why?
There are plenty of reasons as to why we settle. Because change is so damned hard. Because fear of the unknown is paralyzing. Because addressing the issue at hand might just turn your entire life upside down.
A few weeks ago I had an aha moment during an appointment with my spine doctor. He's been treating me for a herniated disc in my neck which is triggering my trigeminal neuralgia and has turned my life inside out. I did (yet another) neck pain analysis and we determined that my pain at that time was a 2 (much better than the 10+) and he seemed tickled. He leaned back in his chair almost like he was going to clap his hands together like it was a done deal, I was healed. Now I do really like my doctor and he has a great reputation and his job is pain management and in that aspect, I suppose he succeeded. But I was thinking "WTF!!! The only reason my pain is low is because I'm not doing anything...for the love of Pete!" <insert lots of cursing here>
I didn't truly embrace a wellness lifestyle (nutrition, movement, self care, prayer, meditation, sleep, positivity, stress management) until I was 40 and it was only 3 years ago (at 43) that I discovered how much I love being fit and active. I have waited most of my life to get to this place. A place in which I feel delighted with every aspect of my life- mind, body, spirit. A place in which I feel whole. Where I live my life around being active and enjoying that time with my family. Here is my doc asking me "Is level 2 pain manageable for you"? Ah, n-o. And so I made this collage of the active life I have built for myself and my family. A lifestyle I've used to help others embrace fitness and wellness and I took it to my next appointment. Because it's taken me all these years to see that I was settling and was living a shell of myself, minimizing my potential because I didn't think that I deserved more or could even do or be more. I made myself small and I boxed myself in due to the limits that I put on myself.
For so many years, I didn't think that I was good enough. In some ways I thought that I had to earn my way to being more. Through people pleasing, rule following, perfectionism. And so I just survived, went through the motions and accepted less. Less in my relationships. Less in my finances. Less in my job. Less in my wellness. It's crazy the limiting beliefs that we put on ourselves but I can say that if you look at my childhood and the trauma I went through, my adulthood makes sense. I have created a zone of safety for myself. Because I fear judgment. I fear rejection. I fear failure.
In 2012 my family and I went to Guatemala on a mission trip. It was a risk for me because of my trigeminal neuralgia. The climate, construction noise, food, uncertainty, all potential pain triggers. But it turned out to be an incredible life-changing experience and I promised God that whatever He led me to, I would say yes. That was a grand promise while I was in Guatemala, but when I got home, it was a little tougher to put into practice. It took faith, trust and a belief that something/someone greater than me is guiding my life. But I've done it. I've said yes over and over again. Risking failure, risking feedback (man oh man, perfectionists hate feedback). And every yes has led me to where I am today. Becoming a Weight Watchers leader. Starting a wellness related small group in my church. Opening myself to new friendships. Organizing Saturday morning fitness classes at my church. Becoming a Beachbody coach. Becoming a fitness instructor. Expanding my reach on social media. Being willing to put myself out there for people to judge me. I've shared my story of being sexually abused and my recovery. Starting my Color Street business. Taking on a new role at work. I have listened and I have tried to go wherever God wants to take me. I want to be obedient, even when I'm afraid. I want to continue to live my best life. By continuing to say yes even when I'm terrified. By being open to new experiences that feel paralyzing. By pushing past the fear to reach for more.
And so I ask you again "In what area of your life right now are you settling and why? What changes do you need to make to settle for more?"
You are worth the work. You are worth the discipline. You are worth the minor or major life alternations.
Because guess what? You are already more. But we can always get a little bit better. One decision, one action, one change at a time. Believe it and keep moving forward.
Xoxoxo,
Tara
No comments:
Post a Comment