Happy Little Trees

Just a little over a year ago, I made a choice, which led to a decision and so began an experiment.

• The choice was faith over fear.
• The decision was to become a Weight Watchers leader.

The experiment was multi-faceted:

• Could I face my overwhelming fear of public speaking?
• Could I let go of perfectionism and self-doubt?
• Would my neuralgia thwart my efforts?

An experiment is defined as a test, trial or tentative procedure; an act or operation for the purpose of discovering something unknown or if testing a principle.

What I really didn’t consider is that sometimes, experiments can lead to unexpected results.

I’m going to age myself here, but do you remember Bob Rossi and his happy little trees? Bob Rossi was an American painter and a television host of the Joy of Painting on PBS. As a child, I used to love to watch him paint, although some made fun of his style.  Sometimes, when watching him, his paintbrush would stray off on to an unexpected space of the canvas. Ooops, he made a mistake. “Geesh, how will  he fix this on public television?” I thought to myself. And right before my eyes he would turn the paint splotch into something special, a happy little tree or a happy little cloud, as he called them.

That is how I like to think of this past year being a Weight Watchers leader. It was the unexpected results, or as I like to call them the unexpected blessings, that were really something special.

It took me quite some time to conquer my fear of speaking publicly. Each week I would be so nervous that my tummy would twist itself into knots. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. I swear I could feel my heartbeat in my head. Before every class, I would go into the bathroom and give myself a pep talk. I’d look in the mirror, take some deep breaths, and remind myself why I was there.  I wanted to make an impact. My goal each week was to reach one person, to help them in some way to keep pushing forward on their journey to wellness. 

Creating that small simple goal took the focus away from me and placed the emphasis on serving others. It really helped me to grow.  I learned that in serving others I could move from perfectionism to excellence. Being perfect serves me, striving for excellence serves others. I began to see that if my intentions were pure, helping folks to reach their wellness goals, it was much easier to just be me. And I realized that just being me is enough. I’m not perfect. I forget things. I don’t have all of the answers. I lose my place during a meeting sometimes. On occasion, I still get nervous and break out into a sweat. Yet when I look out at all of the member’s faces, my self-doubt fades away. They are my happy little trees.

They are my unexpected blessing. They turned my paint splash gone astray into a beautiful work of art. Their courage and perseverance blows me away, every single week. Time and time again they overcome obstacles, pressing toward their goals. They laugh and they share and have become family to me and each other. They have taught me that the human spirit is unbreakable. They have shown me that with a plan, support and determination; even the most daunting goals can be achieved. They have reminded me that self-forgiveness and love is a necessity for this and all of life’s journeys. They have embraced me for who I am, and I them. I am deeply marked by their stories that I will never forget.

It is with great sadness that I need to retire for the time being from Weight Watchers. The final piece of my experiment has gone awry. My neuralgia has not passed the test. It is extremely difficult to go out in the cold without feeling pain and for that reason I must take a break and take the best care of me.

I have faith in those happy little trees and clouds that show up in the most unexpected places. And I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is preparing me for the next great adventure ahead.

If you are one of my Weight Watchers class members, I love and adore you, and I will see you in a meeting room near you, as a member. I’ll be right there with you, just in a different way.

If you are a family or friend reading this, I am so grateful for your never-ending support on my journey. You are the wind in my sails.

And if you accidentally stumbled upon this blog, let this be a reminder to you. Never give up. Always follow your dreams, even if they seem impossible.  Somebody out there believes in you.

Life’s a blank canvas, waiting for your story, happy little trees and all.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara