Slow and Steady Maniac

2015 has not been a stellar fitness year for me. It started out with one of the coldest winters on record which meant I was stuck inside with my neuralgia and had to find creative ways to exercise from home. Then I fractured the same foot bone- twice! Two weeks ago I had vein surgery on my lip and I find myself once again on exercise restriction.

Yet ironically enough, I’m in the best physical shape I’ve been in 18 years. 2015 could have been the year that I threw in the towel. Old Tara certainly would have. Old Tara would have gleefully used these limits as a perfect excuse to cozy up on the couch, read a good book (or ten) and binge watch some great shows. She would have succumbed to that all or nothing attitude- well if I can’t get a good calorie burning workout in- why bother?

New Tara? I’m not having it. I worked too hard to get to where I am- healthy, well, energized, and comfortable in my body. New Tara realizes that small slow changes make a lasting impact and eventually get you to your goal. I'm a slow and steady maniac! 

Today I walked on the treadmill at 2.5 miles an hour for 30 minutes. This is vastly slower than I’d usually walk. I could say that I ONLY walked a little over a mile or I ONLY burned 207- calories- why bother? What difference is it going to make? Will it make a difference in my weight loss/maintenance this week, maybe? The difference is that I choose to keep moving. It keeps me emotionally and physically well- my mind, heart, lungs- every single organ gets stronger, better with every step.

2015 has been a test of my willingness. Am I willing to do what it takes to stay well? To find new ways to move my body while stuck inside this winter? Yes! To buy a stationary bike (Craig’s List) when I’m only allowed to use a bike while wearing a boot and stuck inside this winter? Yes! To show up at my personal training appointments while wearing said boot, knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to work as hard yet knowing that I was still working? Yes!

My past few weeks of post-surgery recovery have been way worse than expected. To quote my husband “I was sold a bill of goods.” Truthfully, I expected to be down a week. Last week, when I was sitting in my doctor’s office getting my stitches removed he asked if I had any questions and I asked “when can I exercise?” Now don’t get all judgy of me here, I’m not an obsessive compulsive exerciser, I just know that exercise is a part of my overall wellness regimen. If we could take a moment of silence here to remember old Tara who looked at exercise as a chore, exercise as overwhelming, too embarrassed by her size and physical limits that she wouldn’t even go to the YMCA…

So the doctor answers that he’d like me to rest for two more weeks and normally this would send me into an emotional tailspin and I’d go into an overeating-feel-sorry-for-myself-binge for two weeks. Not this time! I’m walking it, slow and steady. Not focusing on what I can’t do, focusing on what I CAN do.

Often I think that we don’t start something because we can’t do it well enough (or at least that’s how I feel sometimes). So we don’t.even.try. Gosh if we stepped back and looked at that, we’d realize how counterproductive it is.

When life’s obstacles get in the way, just keep going. Don’t try to keep up with others, just do you. Make the choice and find a way to be the best, healthiest version of you.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

I Love Fall

Is anybody else reading this glad it’s back to school time? Being a working mother of two, I know that back to school brings mixed emotions for Moms, Dads and all caregivers alike. Me? I always tended to do the happy dance when back to school came around. Not to say that I don’t love my children as much as Beverly Goldberg (great show on ABC check it out). I love my schmoopees! I also love getting back into a routine.

Fall is such a great time to get back to a predictable wellness routine or to start a new one. Not just because of the awesome play on words “fall into a routine” but for many reasons. Let’s start with the weather, we get to leave behind that awful humidity and breathe in that crisp air. Each day as the leaves change we get a front row seat to the amazing beauty around us. It’s such a great time to get outside and get our bodies moving.  Fall brings to mind abundance and gratitude. As the seasons change, we get to experience a whole new variety of fruits and vegetables.  Nothing tastes better than a meal prepared from farm to table. What a cool excuse to go out and visit a farmers market and to support the local economy. I don’t know about you but Fall just reminds me how grateful I am to be alive, to be given one more day to do life with my friends and family.

When I was a Weight Watchers leader I used the season change to remind my members to take a pause to check in and see how their wellness routines were going.  It’s a good time to evaluate and re-calibrate. Since weight loss and overall wellness is a lifetime gig, sometimes we can get off track and we don’t even realize it.

As the season changes, I encourage you to take a look at the wellness program you are following. Is it working for you? Are you working it? I mean really doing the work? 

The list below is what I use as my wellness report card. They are the guidelines I use to keep myself on track. Yes, they happen to be the Weight Watchers guidelines and although I don’t work for Weight Watchers anymore, I do believe that the program is practical and doable for life. You may have your own guidelines to add/subtract, the important part is that you check in with yourself and see how you’re doing:  

·         (5) fruits & veggies

·         (1-2) servings of lean protein

·         (2-3) servings of non-fat/low fat dairy

·         Swap out processed foods for whole grains

·         (30+) minutes of activity per day

·         (6) servings of no sugar added liquids (avoid diet sodas if you can)

·         (2) servings of healthy oils

·         Multi-vitamin

·         Limit eating out

·         Watch your sodium & sugar intake

·         Be sure to have an occasional indulgence (key word: occasional)

·         Keep an eye on portion sizes

·         Keep a journal of what you eat and drink (no fibbing)

My kids call me the President of NerdCo and when it comes to school and learning, I don’t deny it. I love to learn, about myself, about others, about everything! I think that this love of learning has served me in my wellness journey because I want to get better. 

Not perfect, better.

Before the holiday chaos and deliciousness, before the New Year’s resolutions, take some time for you. Take a look at where you are and where you want to be, then put a plan in motion to make it happen.

There is no better time to Fall in love with being a healthier version of you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Awakening

It’s funny, when I started seeing a personal trainer back in May- I did a fitness assessment and as part of that assessment they asked two questions:

1) What is your biggest obstacle?

2) What is your level of confidence?

My biggest obstacle was patience. I want results and I want them NOW. My level of confidence was high. I had a “can do” attitude; I was psyched and ready to go!

Yet when I got to the gym I thought to myself- what am I doing here? Gyms are only for fit people. As I was talking to my trainer he said that’s one of the reasons people never sign up, because they wait until they are fit enough to do well. Isn’t that ironic? It’s like cleaning your house before the cleaners arrive.  I felt that way at church too, that I couldn’t lead or participate in a group because I didn’t have enough spiritual knowledge. I let that fear hold me back for years- ridiculous! Now I see that I am a work in progress. God is OK with that and that the goal is progress not perfection.

I was talking with a friend of mine about our weight loss struggles and she mentioned that in high school she used to be an athlete. I responded back that there is still an athlete inside of her; she just lost touch with it. That got me thinking, could I be an athlete? Highly unlikely as I was always more of an art, poetry, dance kind of girl. Yet I posted the word athlete to my vision board a few weeks ago.

If an athlete is a person trained or gifted in exercises or contents involving physical agility, stamina or strength; why can’t I be one?

Before I signed up at Passion for Fitness, I had many excuses as to what I could or could not do. I could not do squats due to bad knees. I could not do much arm work due to bad wrists. As I was working out on Monday- doing kettle bell squats, wall squats, planks, bar push ups- I had a little out of body experience. I was looking in the mirror thinking- who IS that girl? She’s doing everything she said she couldn’t do.

I wonder how many times you’ve stopped and started something because of a preconceived notion that you couldn’t do it. Or worse, have never tried something new for fear of failure.  

Have you ever tried something new because someone believed in you? I’ve been fortunate throughout my life that although I had some tumultuous moments, there has always been that one person who believes in me, who encourages me to just give it a try. This is why I like to invest in people, to show them their possibility and their unique gifts.

What would it take for you to try something new this week?   

What if I told you that you have an all-loving God who has faith in you? He’s your biggest cheerleader. He doesn’t care if you stumble, he’ll love you through it.

What can you do this week that awakes your soul? That makes your heart go pitter-patter with excitement?

Do that!

Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Lost and Found

Have you ever gone through a time in your life when you felt a little lost? Maybe you’re there now?  Like a sailboat missing its sails, or even worse that you’re up the creek without a paddle?

Stranded. Stuck. Aimlessly drifting.

That’s the way I felt about six months ago and it continued on for quite some time. Not only did I feel like I was stranded, stuck and aimlessly drifting; I felt like I was flailing about, not sure how or where to expend my energy.

I blogged about it. I cried about it. I prayed about it. I whined about it. I festered about it. I prayed about it some more. I asked God to give me some direction. I listened for him in the quiet places- and nothing.

I became frustrated. I felt like there was something really fantastic in store for me, that it was within my grasp, but I couldn’t find it. I felt really lost (and a little sad and a lot agitated).

This past spring, Leanne Stolpe came to speak to a Moms Group that I was involved in. Leanne is a Life Purpose Coach, to learn more about how she can help you, click here.

Leanne’s group session was truly a God send to me. It was just what I needed and didn’t even know I needed it. That night, after the session, I could not get to sleep. My mind was reeling. I was jazzed up! Ready to make a change! My heart was aflutter! That night, into the wee hours of the morning, I grabbed a note book and drafted a five-phased plan on how I wanted to get my life back on track.

If we can pause here, my husband cracked up that I didn’t just start with a Phase 1, that I went all the way to Phase 5 which spans several years. That’s just me and how I got my nickname “over the top Tara”.

While I was writing fast and furiously, I realized that I knew what I wanted all along. I know where my areas of passion are. I know what inspires me. I was stranded, stuck and aimlessly drifting for a few reasons:

1- My departure from being a Weight Watchers leader shattered my confidence.

2- My fear of failure stopped me in my tracks from trying something new.

3- I became overwhelmed by the big picture of change and didn’t know where to start.

One of my favorite wellness sayings is that “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. I had a purpose (we all have many of them), what I needed was a plan.  

Fast forward to today, and I am thrilled to share that I’ve achieved Phase 1 and Phase 2 of my plan! The rest remain on my vision board, in plain sight where I can keep my goals in front of me.

It’s funny, I was trying so hard to tune into God’s plan for me that I missed out on the fact that God can take us only so far- we need to actually do the hard work to make our dreams a reality.

I am so thankful to have found my way again, to be feeling energized, focused , motivated and ready to help others to feel the same.

Your journey does not have to define you, let it refine you. If you feel lost at sea, may hard work and perseverance keep you moving in the right direction and faith in God and yourself be the beacon lights your way.  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. MAKE A PLAN! Ask for help. Continue with courage.
  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Dear Holley-

You don’t know me, but I’ve been praying for you all week. Your fundraiser came through my Facebook newsfeed and because I also have Trigeminal Neuralgia, I wanted to learn about your story. Holley, my heart aches for you as you are living my worst nightmare and greatest fear. That you have reached the point where you need to put your life on hold and explore repeated surgical options for relief.

I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia in 2002 at age 29 which is young for the illness. At the time my daughter was 9 and my son was 2. My illness has run the spectrum over the years, from less severe atypical facial pain- numbness, spasms, slight stabbing- to the earth shattering lightning bolts of pain that just take your breath away and seemingly take your life away.

One day when I was sobbing in his office, my neurologist said to me “no-one will ever understand your pain” and that was so validating because no word could ever capture the severity of the pain, or the gravity of the toll it takes on not only your life, but the life of your loved ones.

Today I am blessed to have a pain mitigation regimen that is working for me. It is a combination of acupuncture, exercise, eating right, meditation, prayer, positive thinking and prescription meds.  Because of what I’ve faced, I am truly grateful and mindfully present in every pain free day that God gives me.

I also know that there might be a time when my illness regresses and I am back to the point where I was in 2010, in constant severe pain, at the edge of my rope. Trying any form of treatment that might work- desperate for relief. Taking heavy meds that made me lose my mind and my memory. Attending a support group that was more depressing than uplifting. Wondering if I would have to quit my job. Feeling guilty because my husband had to do everything for me and our kids. Having days where I could not move from bed and would not move my head for fear of triggering new pain. I remember going to church one day and wanting to sing with the hymn but I couldn’t open my jaw so I just let the tears silently roll down my cheeks. There were days when I could not eat. There were days when I wondered how I could continue living that way.

I write a wellness blog and every once and a while I write about my neuralgia, because it has a direct impact on my mental and physical well-being.  In my latest post I touch on one of the worst pain attacks I’ve had in years: http://chewingthefatonskinny.blogspot.com/2015/07/share-your-selfie.html. It also talks about hope in the face of suffering.

It is my prayer that this post gives you encouragement.  Please know that even people that don’t know you are praying for you.

To my blog readers, please take a moment to read Holley’s story, lift her up in prayer and consider donating to help cover the costs of her medical expenses: http://www.gofundme.com/pesinafam.

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE Holley, it is the greatest gift that God offers us. With Him in our lives, there is always hope. Even on the days when I lie in bed in pain and all I can do is cry, I say thank you Jesus, because I’m still alive.  He gave me another day.

Many people with this illness become crippled by fear- afraid to do anything that might cause them pain. Afraid to live life. I work really hard to live out my mantra- I choose faith over fear.

Praying that God sends you relief in the form of this surgery and alternative treatment options and that He gives you the strength and courage to live your best life through it all.

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Share Your Selfie

While for the most part I love Facebook and the ability to connect with people, to be inspired, to learn something new.  There is one thing that bothers me about the platform- it allows people to post and share picture perfect lives that we all know aren’t quite so perfect. With the ability to filter and edit pictures, why should we put the bad stuff out there- air our dirty laundry?

I’m guilty. Sometimes I see someone post a not-so-flattering selfie and I think H-E-L-L-O, you have a smart phone, do a re-take. But it goes far deeper than this.  Facebook allows people to post the best moments in time of their lives and I think that for the everyday Joe, with real life struggles this can cause feelings of jealously, comparison, emptiness, loneliness, isolation and feelings that they are less than.

Over the past few days, I suffered with one of the worst neuralgia attacks I’ve had in a long time, maybe in years. I dealt with relentless stabbing pain in my head that persisted for 12 hours straight with no rest or respite that usually comes with my prescription medicine. I’ve posted about this kind of pain before. It’s the kind of pain when you just lie in bed and cry, you pray to God asking Him to make it stop and you do this over and over again, bartering, holding your breath, hoping for a break. Yet the pain still comes. I finally got some relief almost 24 hours after the pain started by calling my neurologist and asking him to prescribe me an alternate medicine.

I took this photo during a moment of rest and while I was hesitant to share it, I feel it’s important for people to see me. Not just the best me, but me. Broken. Exhausted. Rock bottom. Me.

This picture made me think of a sermon that our Pastor shared on Sunday called “Sick as Our Secrets”, to watch it, click here.

It made me think of friends and family who are suffering silently, not just with illness, but with real life struggles. They might smile on the outside but their insides look and feel like this picture. Broken. Exhausted. Rock Bottom.

They might struggle with addictions or have someone in their family that does. They might be one paycheck away from homelessness. Or their heart is heavy missing a departed loved one or a loved one who is in prison. They might be stuck in a loveless marriage or an abusive one. Maybe they are reeling from a mistake they made, a poor choice and they don’t know how to begin again. Perhaps they’re trying to mend a broken relationship and they don’t know how to make it right. Maybe they ache for a child they lost or they never will have. Or they long to find a place where they belong. 

So much hurt. So much darkness. So much physical and emotional pain. They carry around secrets and every secret weighs them down making it harder and harder to walk through life.

I’ve been there. I’m still here. I’ve dealt with family secrets that almost destroyed me. But I’m still here. Because I trusted someone. I talked to someone. I bared my soul to someone. I took a risk. I told someone I wasn’t perfect. I shared my fears, my inadequacies, my regrets, my pain, my shame. I asked for help. I realized that I was only as sick as my secrets.

Darkness and light cannot exist at the same time.

I heard this song for the first time tonight. It reminded me that God’s love shines brightest during the darkest times.  

Doesn’t matter how deep how dark the night is, keep hoping, keep on shining. And they’ll see his light burning in your heart. And if the road is rough just keep your head up, let the world see what you’re made of. That his love’s alive in your deepest parts.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jb1TTADzf9Y

You are not alone. You are never alone.  Share yourself with someone. Share yourself with Him.

You are not your shame. You are not your pain. You are not your past. 

There is a way out. Hope waits for you. Help is here for you. 

You can shine right where you are. God loves you where you are. Ask Him to meet you where you are.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

One More Try

This picture reminds me of a time (2005) when I was trying (yet failing) to get control of my weight. I was going to Weight Watchers meetings with a friend during lunch. I was doing the right things (well in my mind I was) but the scale wouldn’t move.

I wanted to write about how I was feeling during that time to encourage you that you can move past whatever you’re facing right now to get to where you want to be.  WALK THROUGH THE FEAR. 

“You can’t let one moment in time define your LIFE time!” – Steve Harvey

When I was a Weight Watchers leader, I saw many people get within 10-15 pounds of their goal and they got so frustrated they stopped.  PLEASE NEVER EVER STOP.

From about 2005-2010, I was relentless in my pursuit of wellness (well in my mind I was a rock star). I visited a bunch of Weight Watchers locations (because clearly it wasn’t me, it was the leader) and tried every exercise fad out there. Yet the scale only moved upwards.

As the scale increased my frustration and discouragement did too. I started the talk of shame.

“I’m probably just destined to be a little fluffy. Many of my family members are heavy. It’s in my genes, why fight it? I was a heavy kid, I’ll most likely be a heavy adult. I’m tired of trying. Tired! Losing weight is hard. Why can’t I be naturally thin? Food tastes so good. I hate feeling deprived. Why am I hungry all the time? How can I succeed at everything else except weight loss? I’m so weak. I’m embarrassed that I gained my weight back. I hate shopping in the plus size section. I can’t believe that I went up another size. I’m a failure.”

If you are having this dialogue with yourself, I feel you. My heart hurts for you. The pain is real. The struggle is real. The shame is real. I’ve binged. I’ve hidden food.  I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry. And then I’ve eaten afterwards to make myself feel better.

I wish I could say that in 2010 I had this magical transformation experience or a specific moment that set me on my wellness journey. If you’ve been following my blog since then you know that I started the blog as a desperate measure to make my weight loss struggle public to be held accountable.

A magic bullet didn’t get me here- hard work, persistence and consistence got me here. NEVER GIVING UP got me here.  Making small changes to my daily routine got me here. Giving it just ONE MORE TRY got me here. Believing that I was worth the work got me here.

During one of my Weight Watchers meetings, I shared with them my weight trajectory from 2005-2010 and even though I was going to Weight Watchers my weight either plateaued or went up. I remember seeing some dropped jaws in the room. My message to them was that if I would have stopped, I wouldn’t be standing there at goal, maintaining a 40 pound weight loss.

I tried to lose weight for 5 years and then guess what? I did.

What if you’re one step away from success and you stop?

I’m begging you- please BELIEVE in yourself enough to give it ONE MORE TRY.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara