Lighten Up

Last week marks a milestone for me, 5 years since I started on my wellness journey. I remember that time in my life so clearly, I was tired of myself, heck I was just plain tired. Tired of the starting and stopping. Tired of the trying and failing. Tired of the plateaus. Tired of my clothes not fitting. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Tired of the limits I put on myself because of my weight. Tired of being tired. Shall I go on?

So I went back to Weight Watchers for what seemed like the millionth time. At the time I was feeling quite hopeless and I had absolutely no reason to believe I would succeed. Yet here I am, 40+ pounds down and maintaining. Truthfully sometimes I still can’t believe I’m here.

I had a great visual last week to remind me of how far I’ve come. I flew out to Arizona for some family fun in the sun and flying out I traveled by myself. I usually have my husband, who says he is my mule, to carry everything but this time I was on my own. Boy did I miss my mule. I had my purse, laptop bag and  suitcase. My suitcase weighed 42 pounds. I had such a hard time lugging that thing around. I had to schlep it in and out of the airport, on and off the shuttle bus, into and out of my trunk and up 3 flights of stairs in our rental home. Sheesh! It was killing my back and my knees. And then it occurred to me, that’s almost exactly how much weight I lost. How did I carry that around for so many years? No wonder I was tired.

It was a helpful reminder for my maintenance journey. Let’s face it, maintaining is hard. I’d argue it’s almost as hard as losing. Aren’t I a ray of sunshine? Making good choices day after day, being consistent and persistent- it’s just not easy when you love (and are addicted to) food.

As spring has (thankfully) emerged, we know that summer is lurking around the corner. And I don’t know about you but I went through many changes of season when my clothes seemed to shrink in my drawer. What the heck? There I was ready to spring into something fabulous and nothing fit. Not.A.Single.Thing. I don’t use the word hate much, but I hated that feeling. The feeling of shame  because I had to go up another plus size.  

Last weeks’ vacation reminded me of how good it feels to be well. That being well is a choice not a chore. It’s not something I have to do, it’s something I want to do. It was such a good feeling to pack my suitcase with clothes that I love that make me feel good. Of course it’s so much more than the clothes. It was an incredible feeling to be active with my family on vacation. My goal was to be outside and active every day- walking, biking, hiking a mountain, horseback riding- and I did just that. To have the energy to be an active Mom and wife, that’s something I always wanted.

My question to you is- what do you need to unpack from your suitcase to make room for a healthier you? 

If you want to start on or continue with your own wellness journey- what’s stopping you? 

This week I challenge you to take pen to paper and make an unpacking list-

• Take out fear and replace it with faith.
• Unpack your mistakes and replace them with lessons learned.
• Throw away your excuses and exchange them for plans.
• Take out struggling in silence and fill your bag with supportive friends.
• Unpack negative self-talk and replace it with an attitude of gratitude.  
• Throw away the impatience and exchange it for persistence.

Do whatever it takes to lighten your load, the destination is worth it.  

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Press On

For most people, last night would have been a stellar evening. I went out for my annual birthday bash with a group of dear friends. We laughed and carried on and had a blast. However with my neuralgia and the cold even the best of nights can come to a screeching halt. When our night came to a close I said my goodbyes, warmed up my car with my automatic starter, bundled up and headed out. In the time it took for me to walk to my car the pain started and before long it felt like knives were jabbing my eye socket. The 45 minute drive home seemed twice as long, the headlights painfully bright. Fast forward to today, I’m medicated and pressing on. Making my way through my work day and Mom duties the best I can while resting in between.

It’s funny how God’s messages are so timely, it’s like He knows our lives or something?  

At our weight loss group this week we talked about how to stay on track with our wellness routines during tough times. And today I find myself struggling with my eating, wanting to soothe my pain with food and go back to bed until it all goes away. Yet we just can’t do that. We can’t pull the covers over our head and hide because we’ve got this life to live. We’ve got responsibilities, commitments, relationships, plans, goals, dreams…we have to keep on keeping on.

Why is it that when life gets hard one of the first things we sacrifice is our own wellness? It seems kind of counterproductive. When everything around us seems to be spinning out of control, we have the ability to breathe, to slow down, to refocus and take control of our wellness and maybe, just maybe it’s the only thing we WILL be able to control for a time.  This kind of focus in the middle of the whirlwind takes more than fortitude, it takes planning, patience, persistence and a positive outlook- I like to call it the four P’s.

Planning: There’s comfort in having a plan, in having control of something when everything is falling apart. Many people believe that planning takes time that they just don’t have when in reality planning is a time saver. It’s important to make time for our wellness. Notice I didn’t say take the time, I said make the time. Examine your day, and find a way to begin to build healthy routines into your day. Take five minutes the night before to plan out your eating for the next day or take 15 minutes to prep your food for the next day. Spend some time over the weekend grocery shopping and preparing meals for the week. I know that some of you reading this are thinking “Tara do you EVEN know my life? I’m just too busy!!! I have not a moment to spare in my day.” And to that I will ask you to re-examine how you are spending your time and to think about what you can let go of that’s less important than taking care of your health. Schedule in your fitness plans as non-negotiable appointments. What’s more important than taking care of you so that you can then help others?

Patience: This is a funny one because as my husband knows I’m one of the most impatient people we know. Impatient with myself, others…Yet I’ve learned that being well is a long term and full time gig. We will be faced with many challenges that are temporary. In the moment they may seem like they are going to last forever. They will try our mettle and be the bane of our existence. They will exhaust and test us. They will take every last ounce of energy we have. Financial strains, marital issues, work challenges, health woes, death, divorce, parenting our children, parenting our parents- doing for and caring for everyone but ourselves. To this I say hang in there baby. Kick, scream, battle, do whatever it takes to survive. Do your best to remember that this too shall pass. Accept and acknowledge the slow down while doing whatever you can when you can to take care of you.

Persistence: While you’re kicking, screaming and battling your way through, remember this- sometimes the challenging circumstance has moved on and we have not. We’re so mired in the woefulness that we don’t even remember to come up for air and re-evaluate; to truly take a look at where we are and what needs to be done. Sometimes we use life challenges as excuses to not take care of ourselves.  Don’t we all know that one person who seems to always have something going on in their lives? Drama and chaos follows them around like a shadow and while some of it is real, some is also self-induced because if they continue to focus on others they won’t have to take a hard look at themselves. I know- I’ve been there.

Persistence isn’t about doing it just right, it’s about doing IT, doing something, ANYTHING to move forward. It’s about accepting the circumstance that we’re in and making the best of them. Making one decision that we have control over and taking actions based on that decision.

A positive outlook: "Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right."- Henry Ford. The brain believes what you tell it. The brain has a hard time differentiating between perception and reality. So fake it until you make it honey. You really can think yourself into being well. Words spoken and unspoken are so powerful. Being positive has been extremely important in learning to manage my chronic pain. Pay close attention to the story you’re writing in your mind. Whatever story you write will come true, you control the ending.

Use these four P’s to press on wellness warrior. You’ve already got what it takes to reach your goals. God knows your heart and He’s prepared you for this moment in time. Know and believe that He’s equipped you for the task at hand.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

What's Your Everest?

Last night while hunkering down in the Blizzard of 2016, we watched Everest (incredible movie by the way although I should have done my research as I didn’t know the ending was so tragic- sniff). A line in the movie stuck with me. As they were leaving base camp 6, on their way to the summit, the leader said (roughly quoted) “do not look at the summit, keep your head down and take it one step at a time.” Really, that’s all they could do with such an overwhelming task in front of them- take it one step at a time.

What goal are you working toward right now that has you so overwhelmed that you’re stuck or afraid to get started? What’s your Everest?

I remember when I started my weight loss journey thinking it was going to take forever and a day to reach my goal. I did the math and the time it was going to take (at a realistic rate) wasn’t pretty. Especially given my track record and how many behavior changes I was going to have to make to get there.

Next month at the weight loss group I co-lead, we’ll be talking about goal setting. It’s important to have a specific goal, an X to Y by when. If we don’t know where we want to go and when we want to arrive, how are we supposed to develop a plan to get there? The elements of planning it took to summit Everest was amazing; the physical training, weather forecasting, medical care and supply preparation to name a few. To make it work, they had to have a start date, and end date and every detail planned in between. 

Is the goal you’re trying to reach so daunting that you don’t know where to begin? I was thinking about what is my Everest and have come to the conclusion that my current Everest is two-fold.

1) The getting started part.

2) The thinking I have to be super- duper- over-prepared to get started.

This fear of not getting things quite right has slowed me down on plenty of endeavors. I spent many years of my 30’s waiting to be ready. How ridiculous. So much time wasted. Before I started anything new, things had to be just right. Often times things were never quite right so I never started. Makes me furious when I think about it.

More times than not, my heart is ready WAY before my mind is willing to jump in. My heart says “yes, yes, yes, let’s do this” and my mind says “no fool, we’re not ready!” Over the past few years I’ve worked hard to live out my mantra of Faith Over Fear and for the most part, I’ve taken on challenges that I would not have thought possible.  I want to say “YES” before I’m ready. I want to trust that if God opens my heart to an idea, that he’ll give me the tools to make it happen. I want to remember that failing isn’t falling, it’s learning how to take a different approach the next time around.

To reach the top of Everest, the climbers had to make it through 6 base camp; the climb to each camp was different and challenging. To be ready to summit, the climbers had to do several mini excursions. They needed to get their bodies used to the terrain. It was literally two steps forward and two steps back. They would journey out for the day, get as far as they could and turn around before nightfall.

That was an a-ha moment for me. The learning is in the journey, not in the perfection of the journey. They fell, they got hurt, they regrouped, they tried again. Each time, they got a little farther. 

I love the idea of setting mini-goals (think of them as your base camps) that lead up to the main goal. They can tie into the main goal or simply get you one step closer to where you want to be. For a perfectionist personality like mine, prone to be so anxious that the fear of trying something new can be paralyzing, setting small manageable goals that tie into one larger stretch goal is the way to keep me motivated and moving forward.  

What’s your Everest? How do you plan on conquering it? 

Take a good look at the summit and then let it go. Keep your head down and move forward, one step at a time. You might be surprised that the next time you look up, you’ve reached your goal.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

To the weight loss warriors of 2016,

I feel you. I feel your frustration. I hear you that you are fed up with the trying, with the starting and stopping, with the losing and gaining. Sick and tired of the endless cycle of what sometimes feels like hopelessness.  Let’s just call it what it is- freaking exhausting- a suckfest of sucktastic proportions.

I’m writing this because I never thought I’d be here, at goal for going on four years now. Healthy. 40+ pounds lighter. Living my best and most energized life. Feeling downright giddy about being well. Looking and feeling better in my forties than I did in my twenties. But here I am…I made it!

I’m writing this because I remember how desperate I was, just to get the scale to flipping move (in the right direction) and I know how hard it is to keep the momentum going. We’d like weight loss to be a sprint, yet in fact it’s an endurance run. And the mileposts keep changing. And sometimes it rains on the run and the trail gets foggy and we lose our way. We lose our spirit. We lose ourselves. Because we’re so tired of doing, so tired of trying, so tired of failing.

As my last post of 2015, I thought I’d capture what I would have told myself way back in 2011, when I was first starting back on my wellness journey.

You’re doing the right thing. You’ve made the choice to be well. You picked a program that works for you, a program that’s proven. Don’t be swayed by the quick fixes and fad diets. It took years to gain the weight and it’s going to take time and a crap load of hard work to lose it. Stay the course.

Set a weight goal and put a timeline to it. Instead of I want to lose weight. Be specific. I WILL get from X to Y by when. Make sure the goal is realistic. Not the weight you were in high school (for me at least, that was a long time and a few kids ago).

Create some non-scale goals. My goal was to lose one pants size and feel better in my clothes. I’m still a little dumbstruck that I lost 4 pants sizes. I had no idea it was even possible!

Surround yourself with people who are like-minded, who are healthy or are working their way to good health. I forget which comedian said “if you hang around 4 stupid people, you’ll be the fifth.” Join a support group online or in person. Head to a wellness event in your area. Subscribe to wellness magazines, blogs. Buy wellness related books.

Invest in yourself. If you cannot invest in yourself, you might as well stop this journey right now. Being well requires some self-centeredness. You’re going to have to learn to say no to some things and to say yes to things that scare you. Think about the work you’d put in if you went back to school or started a new job. You’d study. You’d prepare. You’d network. You’d set the time aside to put in the work. Weight loss requires work and it requires commitment. I think that this is one of the biggest reasons why folks don’t reach their goals. They are not willing (or ready) to put themselves first.

Ditch the diet. We are an instant gratification society. When we go on a diet we make temporary changes that lead to quick results. Embrace the small changes. One pebble in the ocean can change the current. Make one small change and build on it. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish.

Think about the thinks you think. I can affirm that for many years I was the reason that I did not reach my goal. For years I tried to lose weight, but I got in my own way, over and over again. I’d encourage you to pause here and to really tune in to the emotions of why you’re not getting where you want to be. I’m guessing you have the know-how and most likely you have the tools and support. I’m guessing that you also have the willingness. There is something stopping you, holding you back from achieving the very best health you desire. Maybe it’s the fear of the known- you know that you get half way to goal and quit. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown- what will life be like after you reach your goal? What will that new person look like? Feel like? Live like? What if that means that other things must change too? Maybe it’s the fear of failure- what if you reach your goal and then can’t maintain it? Whatever the reason- dig deep- it’s there.

For the love of Peter, Paul, Mary & Joseph- KEEP GOING!!! I’ve blogged about this. I’ve talked to groups about this. IF I had quit, I NEVER WOULD HAVE REACHED MY GOAL. Please, please, pretty please on top of cheese with strawberries, DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

Love yourself where you are while working toward who you want to be.

You’re worth starting. You’re worth planning. You’re worth prioritizing. You’re worth 

investing.

You’re Gods precious gift, a one of a kind. Loved. Cherished.  

Now- cherish yourself.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

So What? Now What?

So here we are. We decked the halls and then some. Christmas gifts opened. Friends and families visited. Traditions followed. Memories made. House a little messy (well mine is anyway). And possibly, it’s a slight possibility that we may have mildly over-indulged.  You know- just a little taste here and there, a little nibble, a little lady-like bite.  That last part makes me think of the book I’m reading that’s set in the mid 1800’s. I’m seated in the parlor, just setting up for afternoon tea. I’m fixing to have a dainty bite of scone. I’m the picture of self-control, demure even.  I’m wearing little white gloves. I’m appalled at the idea of eating so much that my corset might burst. So I politely nibble while mastering a rousing round of conversation.

That’s exactly how my Christmas calories were consumed, slowly, savoring each bite. Filled with self-control I was… Ok, let’s be honest. My Christmas calorie consumption was a little more along the lines of Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. OK, maybe not quite that bad, but you get the idea. This holiday season, I didn’t have to worry about bursting out of my corset because I was wearing yoga pants. And not just any old yoga pants, the special kind, the kind with the stretchy waist band that you wear when you don’t actually intend to do yoga. Unless it’s food related yoga poses like chocolate chip cookie to mouth- yes, let’s hold that pose for 30 seconds- until the chocolate chips melt- good, very good.

I went into the holiday week with great intentions. My intention was to remember that it was only a holi-DAY. Not a holi-week or a holi-month. I started the week strong. I tracked my eating, got in my activity. My goal was to allow for indulgences on Christmas eve and Christmas day- that’s it. But once I got a taste of sugar, I was like Buddy the Elf, all of the sudden sugar became my four food groups. I even had cake for breakfast because well…it’s filled with breakfast foods- milk, butter, eggs- it’s practically an omelet.

So here I am. My holi-day went into holi-days. It’s Monday. The get-togethers and left overs are winding down and it’s time to regain control of my eating. I’m happy to say that I’m tired of indulging. It was fun, for about a day. Really. I don’t like the way I feel anymore when I’m not eating right. I don’t like feeling tired and sluggish. I don’t want to take yet another nap to avoid reality. If you’re like me and you got off track…

Don’t –

do some crazy detox or fad diet.

self-punish or self-berate. It’s over. It was only a couple of days. So what?

Do –

set specific goals.

offer yourself some grace. It’s over. You made some not so wise choices. Now what?

It’s time to get back to basic goal setting and planning.  Let’s get to it:

1) Start with one small daily goal. I will *insert your goal here*.

2) Make a plan to change. To reach my daily goal I will change the following behaviors *insert your “I WILL” behaviors here*.

3) Make a plan to stop. To reach my daily goal I will stop the following behaviors *insert your “I WILL NOT” behaviors here*.

Write these down. Keep them in front of you. Take it one day at a time.  

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Believe and Achieve

Today I was texting with a friend about the good choices we were making throughout our day and how hard it is to make those choices.  I texted “it’s not easy, but we’re worth the work.”

She texted back “what do you do on the days you don’t feel worthy?” And I answered “well- sometimes I eat like crap and then beat myself up. But most times I remember that God desires me to believe I’m worthy. That He wants me to see myself as worthy because He does.”

This text conversation and an article I read the other night made me pause and think about the idea of self- belief. The article was about emotional intelligence (EQ), to read more click here. Part of the article talks about self-motivation. That people with a high EQ are motivated by their own desire to do well.  I’ve been self-driven as long as I can remember.  I always want to do my best work, to excel, not for recognition, but to know that I’ve done something in an excellent way. I’m this way in pretty much everything I do. Yet for years, there has been one area that I struggle with, weight loss.

Isn’t that interesting? Those who know me know that I am super driven. Yet there have been days, months, years that I have not been able to reach my goal weight. This is what had me thinking about self-belief. How can you believe in yourself when you’ve failed before? Even harder, how can you believe in yourself if you’ve never seen yourself at a healthy weight or it’s been a long time since you have?

There were years when the struggle was real. I felt like I was traipsing through mud. I’d take a few steps forward and then I’d get stuck.  I started to sink so deep I had no idea how to dig myself out. The weight loss process can be slow and murkey and can be so tiring it starts to drag you under. Soon you start to question your ability to succeed. This can lead to limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are when we base our current beliefs on past behaviors. Soon enough we start to believe the story we’re replaying over and over again. Years can go by, and we’re not the same person that we used to be, yet we’re still judging ourselves against those standards. This is not only limiting, it can be crippling. If I based my self-belief on my past behaviors, I’d still be overweight. Truth!

As the new year approaches, I challenge you to think about how you currently see and talk to yourself. Do you believe that you can reach your goals? Or do you fall into the Eeyore camp? I’ve tried this before so why bother (did you just read that like Eeyore)? There is really something to be said about the idea of fake it til’ you make it. It’s like being a distance runner, even though you can’t see the finish line, you keep moving forward, one step at a time. You know that eventually you'll finish the race.

What do you want to accomplish in 2016? Do you believe that you can achieve it?

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship, 

Tara

That Girl

Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I want to say the hell with it and eat whatever I want.  I don’t want to track my foods or weigh and measure them. I don’t want to make healthy choices. Some days I want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I want to order the fries instead of the healthy side. I want to eat the whole dessert. Some days I want to drink a big tall icy cold Coke. Or have the butter on the popcorn at the movies. Because being well and staying well, it’s just damned hard. Hard enough that I’ve cursed *gasp* twice already in this post.

When my husband and I were going through FPU (Financial Peace University), I remember Dave Ramsey talking about baby fits. Any long term journey that takes discipline can be exhausting and when our endurance is tested, the baby fits come out. You know them- the temper tantrum, life’s not fair, pity party table for one, I hate doing this, other people don’t have to- baby fits.

That’s just about how I’m feeling right now. Tired. Slightly unmotivated. Holiday distracted. Complacent.

So tonight, I’m giving myself a pep talk in the form of this post. To remind myself of why I’m doing what I’m doing and I hope that in some way it helps you to stay on track or to get moving in the right direction. I’m doing this because I don’t want to be that girl anymore.

I don’t want to be the girl who used to take the elevator to go up ONE flight of stairs at work because she was too tired to carry all of her work stuff plus her body weight up the stairs. I want to be this girl who treks up THREE flights of stairs at her doctor’s office with a spring in her step and vows not to hold the banister to get an even better workout.

I don’t want to be the girl sitting on the edge of her bed ready to burst into tears because the fifth outfit she tried on to wear out to a party doesn’t fit anymore. So she decides just not to go out. I want to be this girl who is (still somewhat amazed) to be able to go into a fitting room and actually feel good about what she is wearing and sometimes, on occasion even feel (dare I say) sexy.

I don’t want to be the girl who stayed inside the beach house on vacation because she was too tired to carry the beach gear and her body weight to the beach. I want to be this girl who loves to be active on vacation with her family, to take walks, bike rides, go kayaking and play games.

I don’t want to be the girl who was tired ALL the time, who slept more than she should, sometimes just because life itself was overwhelming. I want to be this girl, who is energized and ready to tackle the day because she knows that something amazing could be in store.

I don’t want to be the girl who was afraid to go to the YMCA because she was too big and everyone would be staring at her and what if she did something wrong because she still feels like the last girl to get picked for the team in gym class. I want to be this girl who realizes she can be strong and fit and that maybe, just maybe there’s an athlete inside of her just waiting to be unleashed.

I don’t want to be the girl that used food as her medicine to fill all of life’s voids and pains, to ease the hurts. I don’t want to be the girl who thought food was her friend.  I want to be this girl. The girl who believes that food is a way to nourish and take good care of her body.

Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I want to say the hell with it and eat whatever I want.  I don’t want to track my foods or weigh and measure them. I don’t want to make healthy choices. Some days I want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I want to order the fries instead of the healthy side. I want to eat the whole dessert. Some days I want to drink a big tall icy cold Coke. Or have the butter on the popcorn at the movies. Because being well and staying well, it’s just damned hard.

Yet most days, I want to be this girl. All it takes is a simple reminder of what’s harder than being well and staying well-it’s being that girl.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara