That Girl

Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I want to say the hell with it and eat whatever I want.  I don’t want to track my foods or weigh and measure them. I don’t want to make healthy choices. Some days I want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I want to order the fries instead of the healthy side. I want to eat the whole dessert. Some days I want to drink a big tall icy cold Coke. Or have the butter on the popcorn at the movies. Because being well and staying well, it’s just damned hard. Hard enough that I’ve cursed *gasp* twice already in this post.

When my husband and I were going through FPU (Financial Peace University), I remember Dave Ramsey talking about baby fits. Any long term journey that takes discipline can be exhausting and when our endurance is tested, the baby fits come out. You know them- the temper tantrum, life’s not fair, pity party table for one, I hate doing this, other people don’t have to- baby fits.

That’s just about how I’m feeling right now. Tired. Slightly unmotivated. Holiday distracted. Complacent.

So tonight, I’m giving myself a pep talk in the form of this post. To remind myself of why I’m doing what I’m doing and I hope that in some way it helps you to stay on track or to get moving in the right direction. I’m doing this because I don’t want to be that girl anymore.

I don’t want to be the girl who used to take the elevator to go up ONE flight of stairs at work because she was too tired to carry all of her work stuff plus her body weight up the stairs. I want to be this girl who treks up THREE flights of stairs at her doctor’s office with a spring in her step and vows not to hold the banister to get an even better workout.

I don’t want to be the girl sitting on the edge of her bed ready to burst into tears because the fifth outfit she tried on to wear out to a party doesn’t fit anymore. So she decides just not to go out. I want to be this girl who is (still somewhat amazed) to be able to go into a fitting room and actually feel good about what she is wearing and sometimes, on occasion even feel (dare I say) sexy.

I don’t want to be the girl who stayed inside the beach house on vacation because she was too tired to carry the beach gear and her body weight to the beach. I want to be this girl who loves to be active on vacation with her family, to take walks, bike rides, go kayaking and play games.

I don’t want to be the girl who was tired ALL the time, who slept more than she should, sometimes just because life itself was overwhelming. I want to be this girl, who is energized and ready to tackle the day because she knows that something amazing could be in store.

I don’t want to be the girl who was afraid to go to the YMCA because she was too big and everyone would be staring at her and what if she did something wrong because she still feels like the last girl to get picked for the team in gym class. I want to be this girl who realizes she can be strong and fit and that maybe, just maybe there’s an athlete inside of her just waiting to be unleashed.

I don’t want to be the girl that used food as her medicine to fill all of life’s voids and pains, to ease the hurts. I don’t want to be the girl who thought food was her friend.  I want to be this girl. The girl who believes that food is a way to nourish and take good care of her body.

Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I want to say the hell with it and eat whatever I want.  I don’t want to track my foods or weigh and measure them. I don’t want to make healthy choices. Some days I want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I want to order the fries instead of the healthy side. I want to eat the whole dessert. Some days I want to drink a big tall icy cold Coke. Or have the butter on the popcorn at the movies. Because being well and staying well, it’s just damned hard.

Yet most days, I want to be this girl. All it takes is a simple reminder of what’s harder than being well and staying well-it’s being that girl.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara