It came from a chat with my bestie about the empty nest which can also be known as the restless nest (from my point of view). It's not just for empty nesters, it's for all of us who are trying to balance the never ending push pull of being a parent while also trying to be ourselves.
It's also inspired by a FB post from my Aunt about blooming and knowing who she is and where she fits in the world. "Ha, back then I thought I was just a wife, mom and grandmother. Now I am ME! (still a mom and gmom but..."
Her words resonated with me as perhaps they do for you. I most certainly lost myself in my 30's, in the peak of raising 2 kids while working and trying to be and do it all. And on top of that, to be it all and do it all perfectly. Ugh, exhausting! And as the reality (and also excitement) of empty nest freedom began to loom, I also began to wonder who the hell I was...it made me understand the whole mid-life crisis thing. But why does it have to be a mid-life crisis? Why not a mid-life opportunity?
Even after launching 2 kids, there are days when I have no idea who the hell I am. So many life changes have taken place over the past few years. Some good. Some crappy. Some freaking fantastic! They've left me feeling unsettled. I don't know who I am without fitness...I don't know who I am without my kids...I don't know who I am without something to do...I don't know who I am without <insert yours here>...Without the drama...without my job...without my spouse...without my parent...without the food/alcohol/drugs...without a friend.
I like to do. To have a plan and execute. I usually have a few goals in my back pocket that are my next to tackle. I hate uncertainty. I hate waiting. I like to know what's next. I'm awful at being still. So this phase of life has me feeling antsy. Health issues have forced me to slow down. But slowing down means too much Tara reflection time. Aka analyzing the heck out of things.
Usually when we meet someone for the first time we tell them what we do, or that we're so and so's spouse, or parent, or friend. We create these roles and if you're like me that feels good, comforting. What happens when this changes? Either by our own choice or not. I believe that's where the mid-life opportunity comes in. I love the thought of shifting our mindset from the idea that life is happening to us to life is happening for us. I know that if you're in a real shit moment right now you're probably rolling your eyes and tuning out...but I firmly believe this.
It reminds me of Hillsong's song, New Wine. I listen to it on replay during times of change.
In the crushing, in the pressing, you are making new wine.
In the soil, I now surrender.
You are breaking new ground.
So I yield to you and your careful hand.
When I trust you I don't need to understand.
I may not know who I am at the moment or where I'm going. Yet my heart is slowly settling. It can do that because of what I know for sure. I know who I am with God. I am loved. I am provided for. I know who my kids are with God. They are loved. They are provided for. And this brings me peace.
It also brings me courage to lean unto the uncertainty. To lean into who I am now. To be more patient and kind to myself.
To embrace where I am physically. I will not reduce myself to my limitations. All the fun stuff that comes with age. The gargantuan chin hair. Losing my glasses when they're still on my head. Unruly eyebrow hairs that have a mind of their own. The aches and pains. The oh so awesome night sweats.
I lean into the not knowing. To the paralyzing fear of my unreasonably high self standards. Of not being enough or doing enough as a spouse, a parent, a family member or friend.
I release myself from the unrealistic societal pressure of beauty, physicality and home life. From the Instgram and Pinterest cultivated lifestyles that I'll never measure up to.
My mantra lately has been to be positive and present. Not racing so hard to get into a future state to when things are better or different. In doing this I change my narrative, from being a victim of my circumstances to victor over whatever life brings.
Lean in to you.
XO,
Tara
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