Last night Nate (my husband) and I were sitting in the
living room chatting while I was doing some social media stuff. I started to
laugh and said “who the hell am I? I just posted on Facebook about healthy muffins
that I made from scratch using whole foods?” We had a good chuckle about that.
And while I was posting, my profile pic caught my eye. It’s me wearing fitness
gear holding weights- how absurd! I’m not that girl…am I?
If you know me you know that I hate to cook. I find it to be
laborious and exhausting, stressful. Yet I’ve found that since I started
Beachbody (BB), there is something satisfying that comes with knowing that I am
preparing something that is healthy for my body. It almost makes me see cooking
in a different way (almost but not quite). It almost feels good. To take that
control into my hands. I’ve gotta be honest (and please don’t be offended), I
used to call people who ate whole foods “food freaks”, yes it’s true. Because I
really couldn’t be bothered and it seemed like a lot of work. A few years back
I went to a personal trainer in my town to see what their program was all
about. After listening patiently, I politely declined, came home, thrust the
food lists at my husband and said “this is not doable, who eats this stuff!?!”
Funny enough, those same foods are on my BB food list now. They are ones that
I embrace and enjoy because I know that I am fueling my body. But I’m not that
girl…am I?
Today, I decided to go live on Facebook (FB) to share the
progress I’ve been making on PIYO. If you know me you know that FB live
terrifies me. I’m a perfectionist and when you go live there is no way you can
edit- meep! What if something goes wrong? What if I screw up? Yikes! But I went
ahead with sharing because I’m so pumped about my progress! And I wanted to
share that progress is about more than weight and inches- it’s about strength,
stamina, endurance; being willing to try something new, to take risks. I wasn’t
even sure if I’d be able to do PIYO, but week by week I got stronger. I
modified less, I held the poses longer. I finished my 30 days feeling
empowered, longer and leaner. So I made a video of me doing a few of the PIYO
moves and it was so scary! My heart was beating out of my chest when I was
done. But I did it! I shared a video of me doing workout moves on FB! Yet I’m
not that girl…am I?
I’m not the girl who is running her own fitness business.
Who loves to exercise. Who considers it a gift to be able to move her body. I’m
not the girl who wants to shout from the rooftops how healthy and energized she
feels, who enjoys eating to fuel her body. I’m not the girl who has begun to
put herself out there, to stop being so hard on herself, who embraces failure
as growth. Am I?
Aren’t I still this girl on the left? I remember this girl. She was
invisible. She was sad and depressed. She smiled on the outside and was fading
away on the inside. Back in her early 20’s she decided to get a Y membership. Before
she went into the gym, she sat in the car for a while, too afraid to go in.
When she finally decided to go in, she had no idea where to start. She was
so self-conscious, she felt like everyone was judging her. So after a short
time she left and on her way home she stopped to get a pack of Entenmann’s
chocolate crumb donuts. And she ate them alone, filled with feelings of shame
and self-doubt.
She was
lonely. She self-isolated. Instead of going out, she stayed at home. Embarrassed
about her weight and too tired and too scared to do anything about it. She went
shopping for this dress for her college roommates wedding. Shopping was
torture. She had maxed out at a size 16 and the dresses in the plus size
section seemed like they were made for a much older woman. And so she settled,
bought a dress and got the heck out of the store. She will never forget that
feeling, wondering how she had even gotten to that point.
Throughout my 20’s and 30’s, I have plenty of stories like
this. Maybe you do too? Maybe you’re living them right now. Maybe you’ve hit
your rock bottom, you are lost and losing hope. I am here to tell you that YOU
WILL NEVER KNOW IF YOU CAN BE THAT GIRL, the one that is healthy, the one that
is energized, the one that feels better than she ever has…IF YOU DON’T TRY. So what you’ve tried before, TRY AGAIN.
WHAT IF THIS IS YOUR TIME? What if this is YOUR moment? YOUR
year? What if you could be on your way to living your best life? YOU WILL NEVER
KNOW IF YOU DON’T TRY. I don’t care if you have tried before and quit. TRY
AGAIN. Dig deep. If I can do this, if I can be that girl. The one who went into
a dressing room yesterday and tried on a dress that made her feel amazing, and it was in a single digit dress size! The one who wakes up happy to be alive. You
can be that girl (or guy) too! It starts with a belief in yourself.
Decide. Commit. Succeed.
Hugs and friendship,
Tara
