To the weight loss warriors of 2016,

I feel you. I feel your frustration. I hear you that you are fed up with the trying, with the starting and stopping, with the losing and gaining. Sick and tired of the endless cycle of what sometimes feels like hopelessness.  Let’s just call it what it is- freaking exhausting- a suckfest of sucktastic proportions.

I’m writing this because I never thought I’d be here, at goal for going on four years now. Healthy. 40+ pounds lighter. Living my best and most energized life. Feeling downright giddy about being well. Looking and feeling better in my forties than I did in my twenties. But here I am…I made it!

I’m writing this because I remember how desperate I was, just to get the scale to flipping move (in the right direction) and I know how hard it is to keep the momentum going. We’d like weight loss to be a sprint, yet in fact it’s an endurance run. And the mileposts keep changing. And sometimes it rains on the run and the trail gets foggy and we lose our way. We lose our spirit. We lose ourselves. Because we’re so tired of doing, so tired of trying, so tired of failing.

As my last post of 2015, I thought I’d capture what I would have told myself way back in 2011, when I was first starting back on my wellness journey.

You’re doing the right thing. You’ve made the choice to be well. You picked a program that works for you, a program that’s proven. Don’t be swayed by the quick fixes and fad diets. It took years to gain the weight and it’s going to take time and a crap load of hard work to lose it. Stay the course.

Set a weight goal and put a timeline to it. Instead of I want to lose weight. Be specific. I WILL get from X to Y by when. Make sure the goal is realistic. Not the weight you were in high school (for me at least, that was a long time and a few kids ago).

Create some non-scale goals. My goal was to lose one pants size and feel better in my clothes. I’m still a little dumbstruck that I lost 4 pants sizes. I had no idea it was even possible!

Surround yourself with people who are like-minded, who are healthy or are working their way to good health. I forget which comedian said “if you hang around 4 stupid people, you’ll be the fifth.” Join a support group online or in person. Head to a wellness event in your area. Subscribe to wellness magazines, blogs. Buy wellness related books.

Invest in yourself. If you cannot invest in yourself, you might as well stop this journey right now. Being well requires some self-centeredness. You’re going to have to learn to say no to some things and to say yes to things that scare you. Think about the work you’d put in if you went back to school or started a new job. You’d study. You’d prepare. You’d network. You’d set the time aside to put in the work. Weight loss requires work and it requires commitment. I think that this is one of the biggest reasons why folks don’t reach their goals. They are not willing (or ready) to put themselves first.

Ditch the diet. We are an instant gratification society. When we go on a diet we make temporary changes that lead to quick results. Embrace the small changes. One pebble in the ocean can change the current. Make one small change and build on it. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish.

Think about the thinks you think. I can affirm that for many years I was the reason that I did not reach my goal. For years I tried to lose weight, but I got in my own way, over and over again. I’d encourage you to pause here and to really tune in to the emotions of why you’re not getting where you want to be. I’m guessing you have the know-how and most likely you have the tools and support. I’m guessing that you also have the willingness. There is something stopping you, holding you back from achieving the very best health you desire. Maybe it’s the fear of the known- you know that you get half way to goal and quit. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown- what will life be like after you reach your goal? What will that new person look like? Feel like? Live like? What if that means that other things must change too? Maybe it’s the fear of failure- what if you reach your goal and then can’t maintain it? Whatever the reason- dig deep- it’s there.

For the love of Peter, Paul, Mary & Joseph- KEEP GOING!!! I’ve blogged about this. I’ve talked to groups about this. IF I had quit, I NEVER WOULD HAVE REACHED MY GOAL. Please, please, pretty please on top of cheese with strawberries, DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

Love yourself where you are while working toward who you want to be.

You’re worth starting. You’re worth planning. You’re worth prioritizing. You’re worth 

investing.

You’re Gods precious gift, a one of a kind. Loved. Cherished.  

Now- cherish yourself.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

So What? Now What?

So here we are. We decked the halls and then some. Christmas gifts opened. Friends and families visited. Traditions followed. Memories made. House a little messy (well mine is anyway). And possibly, it’s a slight possibility that we may have mildly over-indulged.  You know- just a little taste here and there, a little nibble, a little lady-like bite.  That last part makes me think of the book I’m reading that’s set in the mid 1800’s. I’m seated in the parlor, just setting up for afternoon tea. I’m fixing to have a dainty bite of scone. I’m the picture of self-control, demure even.  I’m wearing little white gloves. I’m appalled at the idea of eating so much that my corset might burst. So I politely nibble while mastering a rousing round of conversation.

That’s exactly how my Christmas calories were consumed, slowly, savoring each bite. Filled with self-control I was… Ok, let’s be honest. My Christmas calorie consumption was a little more along the lines of Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. OK, maybe not quite that bad, but you get the idea. This holiday season, I didn’t have to worry about bursting out of my corset because I was wearing yoga pants. And not just any old yoga pants, the special kind, the kind with the stretchy waist band that you wear when you don’t actually intend to do yoga. Unless it’s food related yoga poses like chocolate chip cookie to mouth- yes, let’s hold that pose for 30 seconds- until the chocolate chips melt- good, very good.

I went into the holiday week with great intentions. My intention was to remember that it was only a holi-DAY. Not a holi-week or a holi-month. I started the week strong. I tracked my eating, got in my activity. My goal was to allow for indulgences on Christmas eve and Christmas day- that’s it. But once I got a taste of sugar, I was like Buddy the Elf, all of the sudden sugar became my four food groups. I even had cake for breakfast because well…it’s filled with breakfast foods- milk, butter, eggs- it’s practically an omelet.

So here I am. My holi-day went into holi-days. It’s Monday. The get-togethers and left overs are winding down and it’s time to regain control of my eating. I’m happy to say that I’m tired of indulging. It was fun, for about a day. Really. I don’t like the way I feel anymore when I’m not eating right. I don’t like feeling tired and sluggish. I don’t want to take yet another nap to avoid reality. If you’re like me and you got off track…

Don’t –

do some crazy detox or fad diet.

self-punish or self-berate. It’s over. It was only a couple of days. So what?

Do –

set specific goals.

offer yourself some grace. It’s over. You made some not so wise choices. Now what?

It’s time to get back to basic goal setting and planning.  Let’s get to it:

1) Start with one small daily goal. I will *insert your goal here*.

2) Make a plan to change. To reach my daily goal I will change the following behaviors *insert your “I WILL” behaviors here*.

3) Make a plan to stop. To reach my daily goal I will stop the following behaviors *insert your “I WILL NOT” behaviors here*.

Write these down. Keep them in front of you. Take it one day at a time.  

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Believe and Achieve

Today I was texting with a friend about the good choices we were making throughout our day and how hard it is to make those choices.  I texted “it’s not easy, but we’re worth the work.”

She texted back “what do you do on the days you don’t feel worthy?” And I answered “well- sometimes I eat like crap and then beat myself up. But most times I remember that God desires me to believe I’m worthy. That He wants me to see myself as worthy because He does.”

This text conversation and an article I read the other night made me pause and think about the idea of self- belief. The article was about emotional intelligence (EQ), to read more click here. Part of the article talks about self-motivation. That people with a high EQ are motivated by their own desire to do well.  I’ve been self-driven as long as I can remember.  I always want to do my best work, to excel, not for recognition, but to know that I’ve done something in an excellent way. I’m this way in pretty much everything I do. Yet for years, there has been one area that I struggle with, weight loss.

Isn’t that interesting? Those who know me know that I am super driven. Yet there have been days, months, years that I have not been able to reach my goal weight. This is what had me thinking about self-belief. How can you believe in yourself when you’ve failed before? Even harder, how can you believe in yourself if you’ve never seen yourself at a healthy weight or it’s been a long time since you have?

There were years when the struggle was real. I felt like I was traipsing through mud. I’d take a few steps forward and then I’d get stuck.  I started to sink so deep I had no idea how to dig myself out. The weight loss process can be slow and murkey and can be so tiring it starts to drag you under. Soon you start to question your ability to succeed. This can lead to limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are when we base our current beliefs on past behaviors. Soon enough we start to believe the story we’re replaying over and over again. Years can go by, and we’re not the same person that we used to be, yet we’re still judging ourselves against those standards. This is not only limiting, it can be crippling. If I based my self-belief on my past behaviors, I’d still be overweight. Truth!

As the new year approaches, I challenge you to think about how you currently see and talk to yourself. Do you believe that you can reach your goals? Or do you fall into the Eeyore camp? I’ve tried this before so why bother (did you just read that like Eeyore)? There is really something to be said about the idea of fake it til’ you make it. It’s like being a distance runner, even though you can’t see the finish line, you keep moving forward, one step at a time. You know that eventually you'll finish the race.

What do you want to accomplish in 2016? Do you believe that you can achieve it?

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship, 

Tara

That Girl

Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I want to say the hell with it and eat whatever I want.  I don’t want to track my foods or weigh and measure them. I don’t want to make healthy choices. Some days I want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I want to order the fries instead of the healthy side. I want to eat the whole dessert. Some days I want to drink a big tall icy cold Coke. Or have the butter on the popcorn at the movies. Because being well and staying well, it’s just damned hard. Hard enough that I’ve cursed *gasp* twice already in this post.

When my husband and I were going through FPU (Financial Peace University), I remember Dave Ramsey talking about baby fits. Any long term journey that takes discipline can be exhausting and when our endurance is tested, the baby fits come out. You know them- the temper tantrum, life’s not fair, pity party table for one, I hate doing this, other people don’t have to- baby fits.

That’s just about how I’m feeling right now. Tired. Slightly unmotivated. Holiday distracted. Complacent.

So tonight, I’m giving myself a pep talk in the form of this post. To remind myself of why I’m doing what I’m doing and I hope that in some way it helps you to stay on track or to get moving in the right direction. I’m doing this because I don’t want to be that girl anymore.

I don’t want to be the girl who used to take the elevator to go up ONE flight of stairs at work because she was too tired to carry all of her work stuff plus her body weight up the stairs. I want to be this girl who treks up THREE flights of stairs at her doctor’s office with a spring in her step and vows not to hold the banister to get an even better workout.

I don’t want to be the girl sitting on the edge of her bed ready to burst into tears because the fifth outfit she tried on to wear out to a party doesn’t fit anymore. So she decides just not to go out. I want to be this girl who is (still somewhat amazed) to be able to go into a fitting room and actually feel good about what she is wearing and sometimes, on occasion even feel (dare I say) sexy.

I don’t want to be the girl who stayed inside the beach house on vacation because she was too tired to carry the beach gear and her body weight to the beach. I want to be this girl who loves to be active on vacation with her family, to take walks, bike rides, go kayaking and play games.

I don’t want to be the girl who was tired ALL the time, who slept more than she should, sometimes just because life itself was overwhelming. I want to be this girl, who is energized and ready to tackle the day because she knows that something amazing could be in store.

I don’t want to be the girl who was afraid to go to the YMCA because she was too big and everyone would be staring at her and what if she did something wrong because she still feels like the last girl to get picked for the team in gym class. I want to be this girl who realizes she can be strong and fit and that maybe, just maybe there’s an athlete inside of her just waiting to be unleashed.

I don’t want to be the girl that used food as her medicine to fill all of life’s voids and pains, to ease the hurts. I don’t want to be the girl who thought food was her friend.  I want to be this girl. The girl who believes that food is a way to nourish and take good care of her body.

Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I want to say the hell with it and eat whatever I want.  I don’t want to track my foods or weigh and measure them. I don’t want to make healthy choices. Some days I want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I want to order the fries instead of the healthy side. I want to eat the whole dessert. Some days I want to drink a big tall icy cold Coke. Or have the butter on the popcorn at the movies. Because being well and staying well, it’s just damned hard.

Yet most days, I want to be this girl. All it takes is a simple reminder of what’s harder than being well and staying well-it’s being that girl.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara