It’s Been Real

On March 26, 2011, I shared my very first blog post. I was so tired of “trying” to lose weight and “trying” to get my life together. I figured it was time to start “doing”. I wasn't sure if publicly airing my dirty laundry was the best idea, but hey since nothing else seemed to be motivating me to make a change, why not?

My initial reason for blogging was to jump start my wellness journey and if along the way I inspired someone to do the same, my job would be done.

I remember back in middle school we used to say “it’s been real, it’s been fun, but it hasn't been real fun”. I mean, how clever were we? Such sass.

It was very important to me to keep this blog real. Social media, especially Facebook, allows people always put their best foot forward. You can edit your pictures before you post them. Share your most amazing moments and delete the not so incredible. Post and re-post profound words of wisdom to live by. And you can defriend people if you don’t like what they say back to or about you. Crazy! I’m not meaning to bash social media, I do believe the benefits outweigh the cons.  However I wanted to move beyond the surface and go deep. My husband says I’m the deepest person I know and I think sometimes that’s not a compliment, LOL.

I've made it a point to share my deepest moments with you.

I really had no idea how much impact my words would have, especially to me. I know that might sound a little odd, but I had forgotten how much I love to write. I wrote poems and short stories in school, but never shared them. It’s so freeing to give the innermost parts of your soul life.  

After 100+ posts, I've decided to take a break from blogging for a while. I’m not sure what a while will be, but for now, I’m off on a new adventure. I’m going to start writing my first book. Maybe it will be published or maybe it will simply be a legacy I leave to my children, to learn a little bit more about their Mom. Either way, I’m excited to take this next leap.

I want to sincerely thank you for coming along on this wellness journey with me. What started out as a weight loss journey turned into so, so, so much more! This journey took me well beyond the scale, on a trip of self-discovery, reinvention and renewal. My trials and errors, combined with your feedback was a powerful source of change. I am sincerely blessed and humbled to have your support.

I leave you with a few things I've learned since March 2011:

• Stop focusing on the number on that scale and begin to focus on living your best life- the scale results will follow.  
• Cut yourself and others some slack.
• Those who say “nothing tastes as good as thin feels” have never had a piece of Baker’s of Buffington cake, just sayin’.
• You are stronger than you think.
• Patience is one tough virtue.
• If you quit now, you will never bask in the glory of finishing.
• Enjoy the person you are right now while continuing to strive to be the person you want to be.
• Stretch goals hurt.
• Being healthy is more important than being thin.
• Stop the negative talk, about yourself and others, period.
• Laughter is a universal healer.
• Smalls changes lead to big results.
• No matter what you’re facing right now, your life is abundant.
• Each new day is a gift that’s yours for the taking.
• Change is only once choice away.
• Smiles, compliments and thank you's cost nothing to you and might be priceless to someone else. 
• God thinks you’re beautiful, unique and worthy of all things good and in time, His time, they will come to you. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Thanks for keepin' it real with me! 

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

De-stress the Distress

This week's Weight Watchers topic was one of my favs, how to flip up a slip up. I so love this message! it's such a timely reminder that no matter what stresses we're facing, big or small, God always gives us a chance for a do-over.

This question is, do we even want a do-over? Or would we rather wallow in self pity and despair? The answer varies by person. Have you ever met that person that continually creates their own drama and will never EVER be happy?

Sometimes, it's easier to wallow than to face the F-word, failure; followed by the C-word, change.
My take away from this week's lesson is a four step process to get back on track.

1. Own it. 
2. Change it. 
3. Embrace it. 
4. Move beyond it. 

Own it. For Pete's sake (whoever Pete is), please step up to the plate and own your stuff. Only you can control your actions and reactions, y-o-u. If you muffed something up, whether a work task or something more serious like a relationship, own it. Don't blame traffic, or the weather, own it. Don't blame your parents, friends, kids or childhood, own it. When we make mistakes, silly or the more damaging kind, we need to own them before we can move beyond them. 


Change it. Each of us has the power to change our behavior, if we want to. Once we know what we did, it’s time to change things up. But that requires that dreaded self reflection thing which is sometimes  downright painful. Once we own our slip up, it’s time to do things differently. The beauty of this? It’s never too late to make a change. Take a pause and take stock. Ask yourself a few questions. Was my behavior within my control? What were the circumstances around it? Were those circumstances within my control? If faced with this situation again, what would I do differently? What would my do-over look like?

Embrace it. This step is crucial to being able to move beyond the slip up.  When we falter, it’s so easy to quit. It’s so easy to self-berate. It’s not so easy to self-forgive. Think about some negative things you’ve said to yourself over the past week.  I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I failed before so why try again. I don’t have those skills. Now imagine saying those negative things to a friend, family member or co-worker. We wouldn’t do it (hopefully) because we are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Be kind to yourself- own it, change it and move beyond it. 

Move beyond it. I’ve been asking my classes, “if you have a flat tire, do you stop and pop the rest of your  tires?” No, you change the tire and keep on driving! If only it were that easy.  As a child we quickly learn if we touch fire we’re going to get burned. As grown-ups, we’ve been burned so many times, we’re afraid to fuel our fire and try again. However, humans are beautifully resilient. Every day I hear amazing stories of people who face incredible trials and come out triumphant. This is where that one small change that Weight Watchers asks its members to make each week comes into play. Moving beyond it is all about regaining control of our actions and reactions. Think about one small change that you can apply to your situation and start right now. Not tomorrow, not next week, right now. 

By nature of my personality, I often work myself up and make things seem much more overwhelming than they actually are. Instead of getting locked up and stuck, one of the best things I can do is to tackle one small change at a time. Often times I find that when I really look closely at my situation, I can take the small steps I need to de-stress my distress. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Roadside Assistance

Last week’s Weight Watchers topic was the Ripple Effect. We talked about how every small change we make can lead to big results.

Whether you’re early on in your wellness journey or coming back after a hiatus, this is not the easiest notion to embrace.  

I mean, sure, we can go along with the concept. It makes decent sense. If we introduce one small change at a time, master that change, add another, then another, eventually it will lead to something (or someone) amazing, right?

Right! But how do we get there? And by there, I mean the dreaded G word, GOAL.

I remember when I first started my wellness journey. I sat quietly in the back of the Weight Watchers meeting room in disbelief at the number I saw on the scale. It seemed so overwhelming. I sat there berating myself, wondering how I had let myself get to that point. Thinking it was going to take forever to lose the weight. Knowing that I had failed before, why try again. As I looked at the path that was ahead of me, I had serious doubts about my longevity, ability and commitment to the journey.

Fast forward 16 years, and here I am, at goal.

Of course I have faced some trials along the way. I have no doubt that life will continue to put up road blocks and speed bumps as I continue my journey.  I recently heard someone compare weight loss setbacks to getting a flat tire.  She asked “if you get a flat tire, do you go ahead and pop the rest of your tires”? No, you repair the tire and keep on trucking.

The small changes that I’ve made over the years; they are my emergency repair kit. By making each of the below changes, one change at a time, I have roadside assistance for life. I have the assurance that no matter what happens to my car, I know how to get it back on the road.

I thought it would be kind of neat to come up with 38 changes that have helped me to lose my 38 pounds.

So here goes. 

I:

1. Drink more water.

2. Drink less coke.

3. Eat more fruits.

4. Eat Try more veggies.

5. Increased my activity.

6. Decreased my black and white thinking.

7. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.

8. Make time to take care of me.

9. Eat less fried foods.

10. Eat more whole grains.

11. Became a Weight Watchers leader.

12. Surround myself with healthy, positive, people.

13. Set small measurable goals.

14. Evaluate my progress once a week.

15. Focus less on the scale.

16. Focus more on my health.

17. Laugh more.

18. Moderate my stress by being active.

19. Started this blog.

20. Try one new food a month (hey, that’s a stretch goal for me).

21. Practice self-forgiveness.

22. Open myself to new opportunities.

23. Take control of my environment.

24. Track all of my food and drinks, even the not-so-smart choices.

25. View every meal as a fresh start.

26. Don’t let my emotions sabotage my eating. And if I do, I go back to #25.

27. Eat less prepackaged meals.

28. Eat more fresh foods.

29. Allow myself to indulge. And if I indulge a little too much, I go back to #25.

30. Try a few new healthy recipes a month.

31. See food as fuel for my body, not a solution to my problems.

32. Understand that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet.

33. Always have a healthy snack with me in case of emergency.

34. Eat a snack before I go to social events.

35. Don’t use special occasions as an excuse to overeat. And if I do, I go back to #25.

36. Put my fork down in between each bite.

37. Drink a full glass of water after dinner if I’m still hungry.

38. Take it one day at a time.

I’d like to challenge you to make one small change this week. Just ONE. That’s all I ask.

One small manageable change. 

Once you make that change, start on another.

And before you know it, you will be exactly where you want to be.

As you build that momentum, there’s nothing or no-one that can stop you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

This Too Shall Pass (like a kidney stone)

When the pains of life come our way, we have a choice. We can choose to be the victim or the victor.

The past month for me has been an extremely pain-filled time. I, along with several members of my family have been dealing with a traumatic event. We are all experiencing the pain from different perspectives. Yet we each feel it deeply. And while I cannot share the details, I will say that it is one of the most difficult personal challenges I have faced in twenty years.  The event itself I liken to the ripping off of a band-aid, immediate and shocking. All at once, the wound is exposed, open and festering. With every day that passes, the healing progresses. Yet sometimes you rub up against or bump the wound, and the pain comes right back to the surface.

I saw this sign on Facebook this week and in spite of everything, it made me chuckle. 

This Too Shall Pass (like a kidney stone).

Pain comes and pain goes, and life moves on. The question we need to ask ourselves is, have we moved on? There is life beyond the pain. Are we living it?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my not-so-swell childhood, it’s that only two forces have control of my life, God and me. And let's face it, my life goes much smoother if I give control to God that which I cannot manage on my own.

The type of life event I am talking about, it’s a make or breaker, for myself and several members of my family. It’s the kind of event where someday we will look back and realize that this event was a defining moment in our lives. It could make us stronger, bring us closer and build our resilience. Or it could tear us apart at the seams, leaving behind anger, broken hearts and defeated spirits.

Experience is a tough teacher, because she gives the test first, the lesson after.

There have been many days recently, when my heart is so heavy, and my eyes can’t seem to stop leaking. In those moments, I question the injustice of it all, for every single person who has been touched by this event. Why? So many people hurt.

Every day, I am faced with a choice. What should I be today, victim or victor? Every day, I have the chance to re-write my story.

Someone once said to me, we are the story we tell ourselves.

If I choose to be the victim, I lose.  I blame. I get angry. I feel sorry for myself. I judge. I isolate.

If I choose to be the victor, I win. I release. I forgive. I embrace. I love. I live. I hope.

Once this wound has healed up, however long it takes, I want to be able to run my finger over the scars of my heart and know that all is well in my soul. That I have chosen to be victorious. That I have chosen to live my best life. Not in spite of it all, but because of it all.

Remember, this too shall pass (like a kidney stone).

Pain is temporary.

Hope is everlasting.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

So Long Sarong

Last week, I was blessed to go on a family vacation to the beaches of South Carolina and it was absolutely wonderful!

Beach vacation---for many years of my life those two little words brought about such dread.  Beach= bathing suit.  Most times, I’d rather wear my beach bag than a bathing suit.

When I was a little girl, I was a tad chunky. I had the pleasure of shopping in the husky section, fun right? Who the heck had the grand idea to label clothing as husky? I was always the girl wearing the bathing suit with the skirt. I longed to wear a more stylish suit or even a bikini like the other girls. I had a few years as a teenager/young adult when I dieted and exercised and yes, I finally donned a bikini. Funnily enough, when I look back on those years, I was still critical of my appearance even though I looked h-o-t. We’re our own worst critics aren’t we?

I had myself a little aha moment on our vacation last week. Size and shape wise, I’m the smallest I’ve been in 12 years. I mean, a few times on vacation, I was mistaken for Jennifer Lopez. We have the same curves, I’m just a bit shorter than she is—LOL. No, seriously, this is an important aha moment, so listen up ladies (and gentlemen). As my family and I frolicked on the beach (let’s be honest here, they frolicked while I read my book), I still kept a pair of shorts on over my bathing suit. Maybe a comfort thing, maybe a modesty thing…I can’t be certain why.  What I can be certain of is this…for the first time…in a long time…I felt free on vacation. You know that Special K commercial where the woman is strolling down the beach and the wind blows her sarong off? She hesitates for a moment and then gives herself a once-over and is like uh-huh, I’m f-i-n-e.

Last week I realized that I was free. Free to be me, free to be healthy. The aha moment wasn’t about my new shape, it was about my new wellness. It was about being fit, not being thin. It was about accepting my body as it is and feeling blessed to be well. It hit me when I was carrying our beach bags and chairs.

A few years ago, I remember walking from our rental house to the beach. I was carrying our beach supplies and I was so tired I had to stop and catch my breath a few times. Everything seemed so heavy, including me. The extra pounds I was carrying were literally weighing me down. Once we were at the beach, I was down for the count. Too tired to walk and enjoy the views. Too tired to hang out with the kids. I wasn’t even forty, and I was worn out.

Last week, I felt healthy and energized. My goal was to get in an hour of activity each day. Walks on the beach were a pleasure. My mind was clear, my heart, lungs and legs were strong. Taking a bike ride was total enjoyment. Instead of looking at my watch to see how much time we rode, I looked at my watch to see how much time was left until we had to turn the bikes back in. An aside - I didn’t look at my watch, I looked at my iPhone…does anybody wear watches anymore?

All these years, I’ve been striving for a bathing suit body when what I really needed was a healthy body.

Not a perfect body. Not a tan body. Not a ripped body. (Ok, I’ll take tan and ripped if it comes my way).  A body that can run, jump, swim and play. A body that is open to having fun, sharing laughs and taking risks. A body that lets me be my best me.

It is my wish for you, as you enter this summer season, that you can say so long sarong and hello to a new you. 

Remember, every single pebble, even those buried deep in the ocean, impacts its ebb and flow. Even though you may not see results right away on the surface, every small change you make is working in your favor.   

Summer is here. Breathe it in!

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

The Experiment

A friend of mine once said to me that when her mother passed away, she wished she could wear some sort of badge, informing people of this event. Because it hurts so badly, and we walk around appearing perfectly fine on the outside, yet on the inside we’re falling apart, just trying to get through the day, facing this new reality. 

For many years, this is what it’s felt like to live with chronic and severe facial pain. I remember so clearly a day in August, twelve years ago. I went to church that day even though I was in extreme pain. I sat crying quietly during the worship, tears streaming down my face, because I wanted to sing, yet I couldn’t open my jaw wide enough. I remember the first time I went to meet my neurologist, absolutely beside myself, telling him that I just wanted to be able to smile again. I sobbed in his office for the loss of who I was. I was a joy-filled person, yet some days, it was painful even to smile.  Years of pain, and the fear of new pain, took an emotional toll. In many areas of my life, I retreated.  

I self- protected and isolated.  I longed for a badge that would let people know how badly I was hurting.  

Fast forward to today. As I’ve shared before, thanks to acupuncture, prayer/meditation, healthy eating, exercise, and anti-seizure medication, my illness has been mostly controlled.

A little over two years ago, I began an experiment. The better I felt, the more I experimented. For every pain free day, I gave life my very best. I felt (and still feel) that God has richly blessed me and when I’m well, I don’t want to waste a single day. And so, with the help of others, I started to rehab my life.

I got healthy.

I went back to Weight Watchers and got back to my goal weight. I haven’t been this physically fit in 10 years.

I put myself out there.

I started a new job. Nate and I joined a Bible Study group. I opened myself to new friendships.  

I leaped out of my comfort zone.

Last summer, my family and I went to Guatemala to build a home for a family in need. This was a big leap of faith for me. Yet I chose (and still choose) faith over fear. I could have feared the many pain triggers that waited for me in Guatemala. Unknown temperatures, cultural differences, long work days, job site noise/vibrations, trying new skills, plane flights, sun exposure. I could have stayed home. Yet I went, and it was the best trip of my life.

I jumped.

When we came home from Guatemala, I felt encouraged to continue my experiment. I felt like God had given me gifts and passions I wasn’t sharing and while I was feeling well, I wanted to share them. So I became a Weight Watchers leader. Due to my absolute fear of public speaking, this might have been a greater risk than going to Guatemala. No…seriously. Yet here I am, leading classes and loving every single interaction I have with others who share in the desire to change their lives.

I stumbled.

Last Wednesday through Saturday, I had one of the worst neuralgia pain attacks I’ve ever had. It landed me in bed for days and turned my world upside-down.  It was like someone shooting a gun in my head over and over again, every few seconds. Relentless, punishing pain. Pain where you don’t dare move your head for fear of triggering more pain. Pain where all you can do is lay in bed and silently cry, begging God for mercy. Yet crying triggers more pain. Pain where you wish for death, because death brings relief. Excruciating, irrational, thrashing pain.

I self- protected and isolated.  I rested, medicated, slept and prayed. And finally, a week later, the pain is gone.  

And so I find myself again, at a crossroad between faith and fear. Feeling like someone who has been beaten and is learning how to trust again. Knowing deep down that faith is an open hand not a clenched fist.  Knowing that I just need to reach out and grab it. Knowing that it’s mine for the taking.  Knowing that with faith I can continue this experiment called life.  

I choose faith. Because God chose me.

Last week, I randomly opened the bible to Psalm 139 verse 13. For you created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. And on that same day, Psalm 139 verse 13 was my You Version bible verse of the day.

God chose me. He’s got my back. He is good. Life is good. Enough said.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Stormy Weather

One of my most favorite parts of being a Weight Watchers leader is getting to know people and hearing their stories. Every week, I am reminded of the power of the human spirit- to survive AND to conquer.  I admire and respect the men and women who walk through the doors every week to face the scale, because it’s so much more than that. They are facing their fears, insecurities, gremlins. Every week, they take a risk, just by showing up.  They risk potential failure. To some, not losing after a week of hard work means they didn’t quite stand up to the task at hand.  Facing the scale, week after week can be a very trying experience. Their courage and endurance amazes me.  And as I say over and over again to my members, no matter what the scale says, the most important thing you can do is to never EVER give up on your journey.

The second piece of advice I give to my members (and myself) is to understand that this is NOT meant to be a perfect journey. It can’t and won’t be.  

Too many times I see members that join with the expectation of the arrow on the left, perfect weight loss. I’m going to work hard, really hard, and the weight is going to drop off. I am in the zone. Nothing and no one is going to stop me. I’m a weight loss rock star. I know this. I’ve got this. Watch me rock this program.  I’ll take a member (friend, family member) with a positive attitude any day of the week.  My concern with this approach is--- what will happen when stormy weather rolls around?

Reality is messy. We are not trying to take control of our weight in a utopian environment.  Every day, life sticks it to us. From the minor stressors like traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, an incorrect electric bill; to the biggies like illness, strained relationships, divorce, extended families and death.

Life is demanding. We’re over- scheduled. At work we think of everything we need to accomplish at home. At home we think about everything we need to accomplish at work. And just when we believe we have it under control, another layer of complication is added.

Our bodies are complicated. Emotionally and physiologically we’re all wired a little bit differently. The way we act and react to the stressors and demands above differ from person to person. People view storms in different ways. One of my best friends LOVES thunderstorms, she sits outside on her front porch, pulls up a chair and enjoys mother natures’ show. Me? I’m absolutely terrified of thunderstorms. If one comes around when I’m trying to sleep, I put sheets over the windows so I don’t have to see any of the lightening. Yep, that’s what I do.  True story.

Weight Watchers (or any balanced wellness program) helps us to weather life’s storms.  It teaches us to change the way we look at things. Instead of covering the window with sheets, it encourages us to face the storm head on.

Having a balanced approach to wellness helps us to bridge the gap between expectations and reality. It shows us that we can succeed in spite of our circumstances, and sometimes in spite of ourselves.

It helps us to understand that some weeks we will lose, some weeks we will gain, some weeks we will maintain--- but ultimately, armed with the right tools and attitude, we WILL reach our goal!

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Limitless Part III

It’s a beautiful evening at the Babe Ruth field, a crisp, clear night. I sit in the shadows, bundled up in layers.  What some take for granted, I cherish; the ability to watch my son play baseball.  To most, the weather is perfect. But me, I watch the temperature slowly drop as the sun sets. Once the temperature hits the low 60’s I will need to move inside.

Thanks to my trigmenal/atypical facial neuralgia, this is my normal. If I stay outside for too long in the cold, I’m a goner. The cold is my biggest pain trigger and it can result in many different types of pain. The right hand side of my face can turn to pins and needles and feel like I just had a bunch of Novocain shots. I can have shooting pains in my right eye or in teeth. I might get tapping pains on the top of my head, like someone is repeatedly poking me. Or the very worst- excruciating pain, like my head is being squeezed in a vice, or lightning bolt type pains that run down the back of my neck. The severe pains can put me down and out for a day or two, even with medication.  

So I pack up my stuff and head for my car. I try my best to ignore the seemingly judgmental stares from the other parents as I leave mid-game. Some families that I’m close to know why I have to leave and the rest…I’m guessing they just speculate as to why I can only make a handful of the games.

I pull around to the other side of the baseball field to get the best vantage point I can to watch the rest of the game from my car. The view is marginal at best.

For a brief moment I feel sad and angry that I’m different. That I can’t be sitting in the stands with the other parents, seeing the plays up close, rooting on my boy. It hurts to be apart from the crowd. I wonder if my son understands? Most times I don’t understand this illness myself.

I breathe and I release the pain…because this is my life.  

I settle into my car, keeping it running for a while to warm things up; keeping the window rolled down so I can hear the announcer.

I relax, accepting the moment for what it is. Because I can only see a portion of the field, I let my ears do the talking. I listen for the crack of the ball against the bat. I hear the boys teasing laughter and camaraderie.  The coach’s instructions loom in the air. I listen for the thud of the ball as it’s cradled by the catcher- thunk! I hear the parents shouting encouragement as the kids round the bases during a fantastic play.

I breathe and I adjust my point of view…because this is my life.

As I’m sitting there, I think about the book I’m reading by Kathy Gilbert Taylor, With Great Mercy. She too suffered from trigeminal neuralgia and writes about the testing and growth of her faith during her journey. What really stood out to me from her message is the need for us to be able experience joy in between pain.  When those joyful moments present themselves, both big and small, we need to reach out and grab them, and clutch them tight to our hearts. These moments are gifts from God. They are meant to sustain us during times of pain.  We just need to be still and patient enough to find them.

As the game winds down, so does my anger, it’s gone. I look up and am reminded of the beauty that surrounds me.  I watch the wind move fluidly and silently across the American flag at the ball field. What a glorious and beautiful sight. I let God’s grace move fluidly and silently over me.

I breathe…and I give thanks…because this is my life.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Begin Again

Two years ago, on a cold blustery March day, I opened up my laptop and started writing. I guess it’s kind of like having teen angst and jotting everything down in a journal except I’m not a teenager (thank the good Lord) and teens don't typically use the word jot. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and boy was I desperate.  I was stuck and frustrated. I could not get the scale to move in my favor. I had gained back over half of the weight I had lost and maintained for such a long time. I was ashamed.

There I was, a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers since 1997, looking in the mirror and the eyes that looked back at me were filled with self- loathing.  How could I have let this happen? When did it happen? Why did it happen? I knew what to do. I knew how to be successful on the program.  For many years I was dialed-in, laser-focused on my goals. And then…life happened.

Oh, I could blame this, that or some other thing. I could say I gained weight because of a stressful job transition. Or because I was working and going to school full time while trying to be a wife, Mom, friend---you get the picture. I could say I gained weight because I was battling a chronic and painful illness.

The reality is that I gained weight because of all of those things, in combination with the fact that:

I’m human.

I make mistakes.

I love to eat.

Plus many, many, MANY other simple AND complex reasons.

On March 26, 2011, I wrote my first blog post. I decided to publicly share my words with anyone who would read them to hold myself accountable during my wellness journey.  And I must say, it’s both humbling and gratifying to be able to see my progress, not just the physical changes, but the emotional changes I’ve gone through.

Fast forward to today, and I’m proud to say I’m not only at goal, I’m 8 pounds below my goal.

And the best part? As a Weight Watchers leader, I now have the privilege of helping others reach their goals.

Often times, I meet people who are at the exact same spot I was at two years ago. Sometimes, it seems like they are looking to me for a magical answer to their road back to wellness.  The best advice I can give is this- DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

This advice isn’t meant to be trite or cliché. It’s a heart-felt plea to keep on keepin’ on. If I could take their hand and look into their eyes I would say with all sincerity- please do not stop now. I will meet you wherever you are in your journey and will do whatever it takes to help you succeed.

Tired and broken. Lost and weary. Frustrated and scared. I’ve been there. Angry and self-deprecating. On the brink of giving up. I’ve been there. Exasperated beyond belief. I’ve been there. 

Your Weight Watchers leaders and peers can help you because not only have they been there, they are now here. And being here, at goal, feels so darned amazing.  

Being here means we didn’t give up on ourselves. Being here means knowing we are worth the work. It means that we are living our best lives. Being here means we did not stop.

Being here has led to joy, increased energy, a willingness to take risks, laughter, confidence, self-forgiveness, the courage to try new things, contentment and pride. 

Being here means NEVER forgetting that I was there.

And sometimes, being here means knowing how to begin again.   

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

When the Cookie Crumbles

Well, I haven’t posted for a few weeks and it seems like ages. I sure have missed writing about my random adventures. Life’s been a bit more chaotic than usual and I’ve been just holding on for dear life. Ok, that might be a little a lot dramatic. Things haven’t been THAT bad, but I do feel like I’ve been strapped into a Tilt-A-Whirl, a little disoriented, disheveled and uneasy.  And without sounding like a bad country song, let’s just say things have been extra stressful. I won’t bore you with the details…

What happens when the cookie crumbles? Or life gives you lemons? Or whatever other cliché for “life sucks right now” we want to <insert here>.  I don’t know about you, but when the cookie crumbles, I pick the crumbs up off the floor and eat them.  They’re still dee-lish!

But seriously, I’ve learned so much the past few weeks about how far I’ve come with my wellness skills, especially my number one biggie- stress eating. I have written about this before, I’ve been stress eating since I was in elementary school.  Food has always been my healing balm and saving grace, but I don’t need it anymore.  I’m not saying I’m cured. I am saying that I’m new and improved.

If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to turn to food this past month for comfort, I’d be building a nice little savings account. It has been really crazy, almost an out of body experience, to feel myself turning to food and walking away. Countless times each day, especially because I work from home, I’ve walked to the pantry or refrigerator to grab something “not so good for me”.  While sometimes I didn’t make a wise choice, most times I did, and that’s what counts.

I continually revisit non-scale victories with my Weight Watchers (WW) classes because it’s these non-scale victories that lead to scale victories and long term weight loss maintenance.  This week at WW, we’re talking about behavior. It’s that whole chicken-egg scenario- do you change your mind to change your behavior or do you change your behavior to change your mind? Both.

What’s important to remember is that just changing your mind isn’t enough. As I’ve posted before, willpower is overrated. If we could all think ourselves thin, we’d be at goal already.

It’s much MUCH more complicated than that. If we factor in the complexity of the human brain, body and emotions-how we’re wired and designed; along with outside factors such as our environments and relationship dynamics- where we work and live and with whom; we might just get to the root cause of why we do the things we do.

The reason I was able to a) walk away from food temptations and b) eat better foods when I wanted unhealthier versions and c) allow myself to enjoy but not over indulge--- these past few weeks is because I’ve learned (and relearned) through WW some really clutch behaviors and skills that help me to stay on track, even when I am my own worst enemy.

It’s not that I’m super strong or powerful, it’s that finally, after all these years, I am not doing the Weight Watchers program, I am living it. It’s simply become a part of who I am. So that even on the most stress-filled days, I am armed and ready for the fight and am in a position to win.

So even when life hands me lemons, I’ll plug them into my WW recipe builder and find a way to make them into something tasty and good!  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Another Day

Just recently, I was introduced to a song called This Is The New Year by Ian Axel (thanks Jen!). I love, love, love this song, because it sums up how I aim to live my life.

After suffering from chronic pain for so many years and finally getting my life on track, I don’t plan on wasting a moment. I am living the heck out of this life, with joy and thanksgiving. And I want you to come along for the ride.  

Do you realize that the promise of a new day is yours? It’s yours for the taking. All you need to do is reach out a grab it! It's not just another day, it's ANOTHER day!!! Brand new, just for you!

Here’s the link to their song on You Tube, if you have time for an upbeat jam session:  The Is The New Year . The song goes a little something like this:

Another year you made a promise, another chance to turn around.

And do not save this for tomorrow, embrace the past and you can live for now.

And I will give the world to you.

Speak louder than the words before you, and give them meaning no-one else has found.

The role we play is so important, we are the voices of the underground.

And I will give the world to you.

Say everything you’ve always wanted, be not afraid of who you really are.

Cause in the end we have each other, and that’s at least one thing worth living for.

A million suns that shine upon me, a million eyes you are the brightest blue.

Let’s tear the walls down that divide us, and build a statue strong enough for two.

I pass…it back…to you…And I…will wait…for you…

Cause I, would give the world…And I, would give the world…And I, would give the world, to you.

This is a new year. The new beginning. You made a promise. You are the brightest. We are the voices.

This is a new year. We are the voices. This is a new year.

I have so much more to say, yet in some ways, the song says it all.

Take risks. Believe in yourself because you are amazing. Love hard. Laugh until your stomach hurts.  Always look for the good in people. Live well. Celebrate every single day. Say I love you often. Take time for you. If there’s something you’ve been meaning to say, say it. You are stronger than you think. Live a regret-free life. Stay positive. Remember that pain often brings growth.  If there’s something you’ve been meaning to do, do it. Say thank you often. Welcome change. Never give up. Remember that you are worth it. Dream big.  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Ditch the Diet

Am I the only one, or do you feel like you’re surrounded by people that are on a diet? Maybe it’s still the New Year’s resolution thing, but I swear, between Facebook and chatting with people in person, it’s all I see and hear.

So what’s the deal Tara, why does this bug you so much? Don’t you love how I just had a dialogue with myself? The deal is that the word diet REALLY agitates me. Now I don’t mean to pick on the poor word, maybe it’s the use of the word. When I hear or see people use the word diet, it’s usually associated with:

Deprivation. Oh, I can’t have that, I’m on a diet <insert your guilt here>.

Short Term Thinking. If I can just do this diet for 6 months, I’ll be all set for that wedding, high school reunion, vacation <insert special event here>.

Irrational behavior. I’m on this juice cleanse. I can eat protein only.  Yep, I’m eating those meal bars, they’re super filling. The grapefruit diet, soup diet, cereal diet, frozen foods only diet <insert your diet of choice here>.

Unrealistic expectations. If I stick to this diet, I will lose 7 pounds in one week <insert your disappointment here>.

Does anybody remember Susan Powter from the 90’s? What ever happened to her anyway? Remember her catch phrase? Stop the Insanity! Well do it people, I beg you to Stop the Insanity!

Pretty please on top of cheese… remove the word diet from your vocabulary! Why? Because it implies:

Deprivation.  In case you’re new to the whole feeling deprived thing, it stinks! When we deprive ourselves, we end up eating even more and before we know it, we’ve gained the weight back and maybe then some.  Please find a program, Weight Watchers or otherwise, that teaches you how and what to eat, along with allowing you to occasionally indulge and live your life. It’s a long life! If you don’t want to be in the never ending cycle of deprivation and overindulgence, jump off.

Short Term Thinking. One reason I love being a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers, is that I’m in this for life. And not in a prison sentence kind of way, in an I can do this for life because it’s maintainable, practical and flexible kind of way. I am making small changes that are achievable for the rest of my days.

Irrational behavior. If it seems too good to be true, most times it is! Those fad diets might produce the results you’re looking for, but let’s think about the word fad. A fad is something that’s temporary. Hmmm…what an interesting coincidence…a fad is temporary…it comes and it goes. And most times, when we follow a fad diet, our weight loss comes and goes.  If you follow a program that teaches you how to make the best choices using real food that you eat in real life, you are going to be able to maintain those choices for the long haul.

Unrealistic expectations.  Although it might seem awesome, you should not expect to lose vast amounts of weight each week. Weight Watchers and other scientific and medically based wellness programs recommend losing .5 to 2 pounds per week.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Remember, the tortoise beats the hare, EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Enough said. J

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Love Letters Part II

For those of you just join reading my blog for the first time, you might be wondering…what kind of blog is this? I thought this was a wellness blog?

And for the most part, it is. Yet some times I just want to write about life and my life experiences, so I do, because I enjoy it.

Some of you might be wondering…is this a “Christian” blog. And while that’s not necessarily my intention, my faith is who I am, it’s not a separate entity or part of me, it is me.

When I write posts like the one here, I take the risk of losing readers and…I make no apologies.

Wellness for me goes beyond the scale. It’s being well mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

So, you’ll find a mixed bag of posts here, and I hope you enjoy them. Below is a continuation of my Love Letters post. Take the time to love yourself as God loves you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

If God was writing a love letter just for you, what would he say?

My dear child,

Let me first start by simply stating- I love you. My love for you is greater than you might ever understand, until we meet someday.

I think that you are incredible. Every time you turn your face to me, I smile.

I created you exactly as I planned. I make no mistakes. You are what I intended. And you are good.

In my eyes, you are perfect.

You are capable of loving greatly, because my heart is yours.

I think that you are amazing. Every time you open your life to me, I smile.

You are worthy and deserving.  

Even when you turn away from me, I love you.

I will always pursue you.

When you think no-one is listening, I hear you.

When you think no-body could possibly understand, I do.

You are different because that’s how I designed you.

Please do not place limits on yourself, for I have created you with many purposes in mind.

I want you to take risks and live your life out loud, in my name.

There will be pain so you might know me.

You are strong and courageous.

When you fall I will catch you.

I love you so much that I gave my only son for you. 

Know that no matter what you do or what you say, you are forgiven.

I’d say I can’t wait to meet you someday, but we’ve already met.

Until then, I love you.

Your loving Father

Love Letters

This past week, lots of people went gaga over Valentine’s Day. I know many-a-Mom who made little goodie bags or got special treats for their kids. The news featured couples tying the knot on this lovely day. Kids (though mine are too old) exchanged paper valentines with their class mates.  Perplexed husbands wandered the stores looking for that special gift while most likely muttering under their breath “stupid Hallmark made up holiday”. Wives (myself included) took a few moments to jot down their sentiments on a card. I ran into people adorned in red and pink clothing coordinated with some heart shaped jewelry (of course). And it seemed that every other commercial was an advertisement for flowers or chocolate. What’s not to love?

How about yourself? Did you give yourself any Valentine’s love?

Valentine’s Day got me thinking about the words we say to ourselves.  I know…I know…I’ve posted before about positive affirmation and what can I say? I’m a big fan. So I thought I’d do a different take on positive affirmation this time around, exploring a love letter that only we can write.  

Imagine for a moment, writing the below note to your child, spouse or friend.

Dear (loved one),

You were just terrible in your (insert activity here) today. I was appalled at your lack of intensity. You said you were trying, but obviously it wasn’t enough. Maybe you should consider giving up? And while I’m at it, you look like heck.  Did you even look in the mirror before you walked out the door? Could you perhaps put a little more effort into it next time? And you know that dream you’ve been holding on to, pluueease…give it a rest. It’s out of your reach. You are not smart enough, ambitious enough or talented enough to achieve it. Plus, there are many people out there that are better than you so, how about just quitting while you’re ahead pal? You’re not good enough and quite frankly you don’t deserve it. I say this all with loving candor.

XOXOXO,

Me

Can you imagine writing this letter to that special someone in your life? I hope not.

Yet, too often, we say those exact words to ourselves.  How many times have you been hard on yourself for your work performance? We compare ourselves to a colleague or maybe our own previous work efforts. We wonder why we didn’t get the promotion or that oh so perfect job we interviewed for. Driving ourselves crazy with the notion that we're not doing what we're supposed to be doing or what we want to be doing. We begin to self-doubt. Our shoulders start to slump, and we think twice before we put ourselves out there again. How about appearance? Who can scrutinize our stray chin hairs, droopy jaw lines, frumpy figures, out of season wardrobes, pointed/round/upturned/freckled noses and not quite-so-right  bodies better than we can? And occasionally, whether subconscious or intentional, we sabotage our dreams.  Somewhere along the line we make up our minds that we don’t have “the stuff”. You know, that magical stuff that others are made of, but not us. 

When we repeat these words over and over to ourselves, we begin to believe them. And for some, the unkind words grow into an ugly reality that they just won’t let themselves break free from.

Why is it that we’re so afraid to love ourselves? Are we afraid we’ll appear over confident, even cocky?

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who truly loves themself? Someone who is comfortable in their own skin? You can feel it when you are with them. It’s in their smile, their posture, their…dare I say…swagger. J I have a few good friends like this and I cherish being with them because their positive energy bounces off them and on to me, and it makes me see myself in a different light.

Take a few minutes right now to write yourself a love letter. It doesn’t have to be lengthy, just a few sentences. It doesn’t have to be poetic, just honest. It doesn’t have to be sugary sweet with a cherry on top.  Take a moment to appreciate one thing about you.  Just ONE thing. C'mon, I know you can come up with something. If God were writing a love letter just for you, what would He say?

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Birthday Cake

Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too? This past week, we celebrated 3 birthdays; mine, my son’s and my cousin’s. Cake all around! Between the parties and dinners out, I had cheese steak, fries, and cake, cake, cake! And when I got on the scale, I lost a pound.  And did I mention that I lost said pound without exercising? (I’m still on exercise ban healing my broken foot).

If I sound like some infomercial for the latest diet craze, it’s intentional.  

Eat all the junk food you want, don’t exercise and YOU too can lose weight- NOT!

Let me clarify my half-truths.  This week, between the parties and dinners out, I had a half of cheese steak, a half a serving of fries, and two half slices of cake.   And I lost a pound. Even though we had two nights out and one party, I did not use that as an excuse to go off program. I allowed myself to have a few treats and then dialed it in.

Since I posted the Great Confessional, in which I confessed to gaining 2.6 pounds over the holidays, I have lost 3.2 pounds. This is not to say how flipping fantastic I am, it’s to say YOU CAN DO IT TOO!  

Weight Watchers asks us to write down and commit to one small change every week. And you know one of my favorite sayings, small changes lead to big results. This week my small change was pretty major to me. Every year I use my birthday as an excuse to…ah… how do I put this lightly…eat as much cake as I darn well please…and then I get back on track. I order a cake from my favorite bakery, Bakers of Buffington in Downingtown.  Hands down, they have the best vanilla butter cream icing! My saliva glands are in overdrive as I write this. I’d use the icing as hand lotion if I could and then I’d lick my fingers all day long.  During my birthday week, I eat a slice of cake a day…until it’s gone. Sometimes I even share it with my family. ;)

This year, I took a different approach. I feel too healthy to sabotage my hard work, yet I still love cake. Who doesn’t? So I brought home a slice of cake for each person in my family. And boy did I cherish it. I cut the slice in half and had half of it one day, and half of it the next day. My teenage son with a never-ending appetite saw my unfinished half of cake slice in the pantry and said “Mom- are you going to eat that?” Son, you don’t mess with your Momma and cake!!

I am so glad that little by little I have been able to make small changes that have led to a sustainable weight loss AND I still get to enjoy life with family and friends.

What’s one small change that you can commit to this week?

Start right now!!!

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara