Pin Your Tail

As a Beachbody Coach and former Weight Watchers leader, one of the most frustrating patterns of behavior that I witness is when people are plugging along on their wellness journey, consistent, persistent, sometimes absolute rock stars and then…they stop. As a Coach it makes me want to scream- “please DO NOT give up, whatever you do, DO NOT stop!!!” As a person who has struggled with her weight for a majority of her life, I get it. That’s where I was in 2008, 2009, 2010, stuck in a vicious cycle of stopping and starting, of believing and doubting, of succeeding and failing. To be honest, I was dilly-dallying (anytime I can work that word into my blog I will). I was half-assing it. Part of my brain shouted  “I so desperately want to lose this weight” while the other part whispered “why try, you’ll fail.” And so the evil little gremlin won out, time and time again. Self-doubt undermined my best efforts and intentions. How? How do we go from being locked and loaded, in the zone, fired up about losing weight to throwing in the towel?

Does anyone remember back in the day how simple children’s birthday parties used to be? Some box mix cupcakes, party hats and games? Is it just me or have children’s parties gotten extremely extravagant with the bouncy houses, rented venues and fancy cakes? Rant over. Anyone remember playing pin the tail on the donkey? The game itself is such a simple concept. You wore a blindfold, someone spun you around a few times and gave you a gentle push in the right direction toward the donkey. You toddled your way forward with the paper donkey tail in hand and did your best to tape the tail in the right place. Then you took off your blindfold and saw where you pinned the tail and most likely had a good laugh at how far off you were.

Is that how your weight loss effort is feeling right now? Are you blindly making your way through your journey, just hoping you’ll get to where you need to go? And sometimes you find yourself so far off it’s laughable and not in the funny, ha-ha kind of way? If so, it’s time to face some facts and take action.  

Take off the blind fold and stop spinning around.

There is a reason why you’re not reaching your goal, why you are stopping and starting your weight loss journey again and again. That reason most likely goes deeper than the surface excuses of being busy or it’s not the right season in my life. That reason is probably deeper than the fear of failure OR the fear of success. But we don’t usually want to go there, to those dark places and truly examine what is holding us back because that self-examination might just bring up past or present hurts and it’s much easier and less painful to keep the blind fold on. I’ve come to learn that for me, the extra weight was a kind of armor I set up for myself, a way to self-protect (or so I thought). Part of the reason I carried around the extra weight in my twenties was because of a deep dark hurt. I was sexually abused when I was younger. I realize now that I used my weight to protect against sexual advances. I hoped that being heavier would mean that men would not be attracted to me. It’s hard to even write these words because I remember that time and how I felt so exposed and how I just wanted to hide from the world and I hid behind my weight. Later in life I did the same thing for different reasons. I am (sometimes painfully) introverted. I know that surprises some of you. Up until a few years ago, I used my extra weight as an excuse to not be social. To retreat into my cocoon of comfort and quiet. I used it as a barrier to not talk to people, to not take risks or to push out of my comfort zone. I’ve worked hard to change many of my behaviors and I’m proud of who I am (and always was) now. But here’s the deal, you have to look hard into that mirror to figure out why you keep getting in your own way.

Find someone who can push you in the right direction when you get off track.

The weight loss journey is not filled with unicorns, sprinkles and rainbows. It can and will be hard. There will also be some amazing moments along the way. Sometimes those amazing moments, like being able to go up the stairs without being out of breath, or running your first mile, or fitting into a pair of jeans, or doing your first push up; some of those moments will carry you forward. And sometimes they are just not enough. That’s why you need to find your tribe. Whether it’s an accountability partner or group. Do not do this alone. Find ways to plug in using social media or in person groups. Trying to lose weight alone can be discouraging and isolating. Connect with people who have similar goals, who will keep it real with you and will help you to reach your goals, even when you want to stop.

Pin Your Tail.

Remember earlier when I talked about toddling forward trying to find your way to pin the tail on the donkey? Stop with the toddling and write down your goals. Mini goals, big hairy audacious goals. You have to know where you want to go to get where you’re going. Defining goals can be scary. Because then (oh crap) you might actually have to achieve them. Do you have goals in front of you to keep you focused and moving forward? Stop being so afraid of not achieving them that you don’t even try. Or like me, you dilly dally and keep spinning in circles because you don’t truly believe in your heart of hearts that you’ll ever get there.

Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and friendship, 

Tara

Living Life Beyond Your Limits

We all have limits. Some we were born with- physical or mental limits. Some we were born into- poverty, neglect, abuse. And some that we place on ourselves- fear, loneliness, isolation, self-doubt, poor health.

Maybe I’m an optimist but I believe that there’s a way that each and every one of us can choose to live our best life beyond our limitations. Let’s face it, there’s always somebody who has it better and somebody who has is worse than our current circumstances. 

Having a chronic neurological illness has been a test of my mental fortitude because very few people ever see me when I’m hurting, only my closest family and friends. I decided to share this picture because you can actually see what happens in my body when I have a trigeminal neuralgia attack. You can see that the vein above my temple is swollen. When my vein swells it pushes on the trigeminal nerve in my brain and triggers a variety of pain responses from a swollen face, to numbness, to feeling like bees are stinging me over and over again. From pain in my teeth and ear, to blurred vision, to feeling like someone is drilling a nail into my head, to the most severe- the lightning bolts of punishing pain that shoot through my head until I can barely breathe.

People that don’t know my story ask me how I stay motivated to maintain my weight loss (43 pounds if you’re new to my blog) and to take the best care of my health.  As a food lover, addict and emotional eater, it’s not easy. But let me tell you this, I cling to the moments when I feel well. When I feel energized, positive, emotionally present, focused, joyous and grateful to be alive like I do in this pic from Hawaii. Those moments sustain me through the times when I don’t feel so hot.

I choose to live my life with an urgency to be well because I know that there will be days when my wellness is limited by my illness. If I know that my illness will already limit me, why on earth would I choose to put even more limits on myself? Yet almost every day in some way, we do.   

• ·         We don’t believe in our physical aptitude and strength, or our stamina, or our ability to persevere- so we don’t try a new fitness regimen because hey- we’ve failed in the past. Or we get injured or a life event gets in the way and we use it as an excuse to stop and to never restart.

• ·         We don’t think we’re talented or smart enough. So we don’t apply for the promotion, talk to our bosses about our skills and willingness. We don’t go back to school because someone, maybe even years ago, told us that we weren’t that bright.

• ·         We don’t believe that we have self-control and discipline, so we succumb to addictions big and small- overspending, overeating, drugs, alcohol, sex. We bury ourselves so deep that we have no idea how we’re going to get out.

• ·         We don’t understand our worth. Maybe we were raised in an abusive or neglectful household and no-one ever said “I love you” or showed you love in a hurtful way that made you feel like you never wanted to risk your heart again. So we look to other things and people to make us feel valued.

I was watching a speaker who said that fear is not a real emotion. Now as a person who wears a ring that says Faith Over Fear I was like- say what? My fears sure seem real when I’m smack dab in the middle of them. He went on to say that fear is a chosen reaction to our current circumstance. How powerful is that? That we have the power to control our reaction to every single circumstance.

And this is why I work so hard to live my best life beyond my limits, because I know that I can. Because I have the power to. Because the control is in my hands. When I went through counseling a few years ago for a serious life trauma I was going through the counselor reminded me to focus on what I could control. And so that’s what I do, one small step forward at a time, one small change at a time. I forge ahead- some days I’m marching and some days I’m just dragging myself along kicking and screaming, my own worst enemy. I choose hope and I choose faith and I choose possibility.

What do you choose? Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara