Share Your Selfie

While for the most part I love Facebook and the ability to connect with people, to be inspired, to learn something new.  There is one thing that bothers me about the platform- it allows people to post and share picture perfect lives that we all know aren’t quite so perfect. With the ability to filter and edit pictures, why should we put the bad stuff out there- air our dirty laundry?

I’m guilty. Sometimes I see someone post a not-so-flattering selfie and I think H-E-L-L-O, you have a smart phone, do a re-take. But it goes far deeper than this.  Facebook allows people to post the best moments in time of their lives and I think that for the everyday Joe, with real life struggles this can cause feelings of jealously, comparison, emptiness, loneliness, isolation and feelings that they are less than.

Over the past few days, I suffered with one of the worst neuralgia attacks I’ve had in a long time, maybe in years. I dealt with relentless stabbing pain in my head that persisted for 12 hours straight with no rest or respite that usually comes with my prescription medicine. I’ve posted about this kind of pain before. It’s the kind of pain when you just lie in bed and cry, you pray to God asking Him to make it stop and you do this over and over again, bartering, holding your breath, hoping for a break. Yet the pain still comes. I finally got some relief almost 24 hours after the pain started by calling my neurologist and asking him to prescribe me an alternate medicine.

I took this photo during a moment of rest and while I was hesitant to share it, I feel it’s important for people to see me. Not just the best me, but me. Broken. Exhausted. Rock bottom. Me.

This picture made me think of a sermon that our Pastor shared on Sunday called “Sick as Our Secrets”, to watch it, click here.

It made me think of friends and family who are suffering silently, not just with illness, but with real life struggles. They might smile on the outside but their insides look and feel like this picture. Broken. Exhausted. Rock Bottom.

They might struggle with addictions or have someone in their family that does. They might be one paycheck away from homelessness. Or their heart is heavy missing a departed loved one or a loved one who is in prison. They might be stuck in a loveless marriage or an abusive one. Maybe they are reeling from a mistake they made, a poor choice and they don’t know how to begin again. Perhaps they’re trying to mend a broken relationship and they don’t know how to make it right. Maybe they ache for a child they lost or they never will have. Or they long to find a place where they belong. 

So much hurt. So much darkness. So much physical and emotional pain. They carry around secrets and every secret weighs them down making it harder and harder to walk through life.

I’ve been there. I’m still here. I’ve dealt with family secrets that almost destroyed me. But I’m still here. Because I trusted someone. I talked to someone. I bared my soul to someone. I took a risk. I told someone I wasn’t perfect. I shared my fears, my inadequacies, my regrets, my pain, my shame. I asked for help. I realized that I was only as sick as my secrets.

Darkness and light cannot exist at the same time.

I heard this song for the first time tonight. It reminded me that God’s love shines brightest during the darkest times.  

Doesn’t matter how deep how dark the night is, keep hoping, keep on shining. And they’ll see his light burning in your heart. And if the road is rough just keep your head up, let the world see what you’re made of. That his love’s alive in your deepest parts.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jb1TTADzf9Y

You are not alone. You are never alone.  Share yourself with someone. Share yourself with Him.

You are not your shame. You are not your pain. You are not your past. 

There is a way out. Hope waits for you. Help is here for you. 

You can shine right where you are. God loves you where you are. Ask Him to meet you where you are.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

One More Try

This picture reminds me of a time (2005) when I was trying (yet failing) to get control of my weight. I was going to Weight Watchers meetings with a friend during lunch. I was doing the right things (well in my mind I was) but the scale wouldn’t move.

I wanted to write about how I was feeling during that time to encourage you that you can move past whatever you’re facing right now to get to where you want to be.  WALK THROUGH THE FEAR. 

“You can’t let one moment in time define your LIFE time!” – Steve Harvey

When I was a Weight Watchers leader, I saw many people get within 10-15 pounds of their goal and they got so frustrated they stopped.  PLEASE NEVER EVER STOP.

From about 2005-2010, I was relentless in my pursuit of wellness (well in my mind I was a rock star). I visited a bunch of Weight Watchers locations (because clearly it wasn’t me, it was the leader) and tried every exercise fad out there. Yet the scale only moved upwards.

As the scale increased my frustration and discouragement did too. I started the talk of shame.

“I’m probably just destined to be a little fluffy. Many of my family members are heavy. It’s in my genes, why fight it? I was a heavy kid, I’ll most likely be a heavy adult. I’m tired of trying. Tired! Losing weight is hard. Why can’t I be naturally thin? Food tastes so good. I hate feeling deprived. Why am I hungry all the time? How can I succeed at everything else except weight loss? I’m so weak. I’m embarrassed that I gained my weight back. I hate shopping in the plus size section. I can’t believe that I went up another size. I’m a failure.”

If you are having this dialogue with yourself, I feel you. My heart hurts for you. The pain is real. The struggle is real. The shame is real. I’ve binged. I’ve hidden food.  I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry. And then I’ve eaten afterwards to make myself feel better.

I wish I could say that in 2010 I had this magical transformation experience or a specific moment that set me on my wellness journey. If you’ve been following my blog since then you know that I started the blog as a desperate measure to make my weight loss struggle public to be held accountable.

A magic bullet didn’t get me here- hard work, persistence and consistence got me here. NEVER GIVING UP got me here.  Making small changes to my daily routine got me here. Giving it just ONE MORE TRY got me here. Believing that I was worth the work got me here.

During one of my Weight Watchers meetings, I shared with them my weight trajectory from 2005-2010 and even though I was going to Weight Watchers my weight either plateaued or went up. I remember seeing some dropped jaws in the room. My message to them was that if I would have stopped, I wouldn’t be standing there at goal, maintaining a 40 pound weight loss.

I tried to lose weight for 5 years and then guess what? I did.

What if you’re one step away from success and you stop?

I’m begging you- please BELIEVE in yourself enough to give it ONE MORE TRY.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara

Love Glasses

Tonight, I embark on my next round of sessions at Passion for Fitness and even better, I’m bringing a friend along- wahoo!

As much as I’m excited to continue my wellness journey, I’ll admit I gave it some thought to stop where I am and call it a day. You see, as each week goes by, the program gets harder. This is what I wanted yet it also makes me uncomfortable because I’m not quite sure I believe I can do it. It’s funny, when I was working with the owner doing my pre-assessment questionnaire, one of the questions was “confidence level?” and I answered “high”.  Boy, I must have been really jazzed about the program rating my confidence as high because as soon as I started my first workout I though “oh crap, what did I get myself into!?! I can’t do this”!

Sometimes when trying something new, I get in my own way. Sometimes I get in my own way so much I won’t even start. I’ve also learned that harboring these feelings of self-doubt makes me look for the easy way out- excuses, blame.

When I was a Weight Watchers leader, I could tell who was going to succeed on the program just by their attitude and initial belief in themselves.  Granted, as people saw success during the program, their attitudes might change for the better- yet it was those who believed that they could do it, even during a rough patch that reached their goals.  Whether it was their hardiness, steadfast willingness or sheer determination- what they had in common was a positive mindset. I also noticed that the more I believed in them, the more they believed they could do it. 

I was watching Tony Robbins the other day and he said that “love is the oxygen of the soul”. Look out world! I’m back from vacation, fully rested and watching Tony Robbins! 

It’s amazing how much time and energy we pour into those we love. Whether it’s our children, parents, spouses, friends- there is nothing we wouldn’t do for them. We sacrifice and give beyond measure.

Why then is self-love so difficult?   

Something I’m constantly working on is to stop seeking approval from outside sources and to love myself because of God’s great love for me and great love within me. And to stop judging myself according  to other people’s standards.

Maybe you’ve seen this viral video going around of this adorable baby getting glasses and seeing her parents clearly for the first time? If you haven’t, take a moment to watch it, it is just precious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbOZL8vUClc

Her open-eyed wonder at what she is seeing is so heart-warming. It reminds me of how God looks at me every single day with nothing but love. This is how I want to see myself and the world, with wonder and amazement. I want to be able to see the immense possibility, in myself in others.

I want to show my obedience to God by walking through my fears.  I want to remember that there is nothing He wouldn’t do for me. He has sacrificed and continues to give beyond measure.

Each day I want to put on my love glasses.  

I want to see myself as God sees me.  I want to believe in myself as he believes in me. I want to continue to pursue living an excellent life to honor him- taking the best care of myself and others that I can. I want to continue to try new things and adventures, pushing past my fears and anxieties.

What is something you’ve been meaning to do? What’s something you’ve been wanting to try? What’s holding you back? What’s the worst that could happen?

There’s a good chance that the only person stopping you is you! So put your love glasses on and get moving.  

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.  

Hugs and Friendship,

Tara