For a perfectionist, the fear of failure and the fear of trying
new things go hand in hand. What if I try something new and fail? What if I’m
not good at it? What if I’m not good enough?
I’ve wrestled with these feeling my entire life. I’ve always
been a do-gooder, a people-pleaser, a rule follower and most of all an “I’m
going to do everything exactly right just so I don’t get it wrong” person.
For the past few years, I’ve been working really hard to push
through the paralyzing feeling that comes along with trying something new. As I’ve
written in previous posts, it started on a mission trip to Guatemala, when I
coined my mantra “I will choose faith over fear” because I knew, I just knew
that God wanted more for me and more from me. I knew, and still know that God
wants me to trust Him with my life enough to be willing to take those leaps of
faith (big or small) to change myself and others. I know that He is greater
than my fears, greater than my doubts and that trusting in Him will free me
from my self-limiting perceptions.
After Weight Watchers unexpectedly and abruptly gave me the
boot this past winter, I was left with wondering what’s next? I know that I want to help others to live
their best life and without WW I need to find a way to do that. And in order to help others, I need to help
myself too. This past long LONG LOOOONNNNGG winter of being stuck inside due to
my neuralgia and the cold slowed down my wellness progress a bit, I gained a
few pounds. I’m so glad that spring is here, it’s the best time to bloom.
Last week after visiting several fitness outfits in the area,
I decided to sign up for personal training at Passion For Fitness in
Phoenixville. I immediately loved their philosophy and staff. Yet I was
absolutely terrified to go to my fitness assessment. What if I can’t do what
they ask? What if I’m not strong enough? What if I’m not good enough?
On the day of my assessment I laced up my sneakers and gave
myself a mirror pep talk much like Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live. It
went something like- I am strong and courageous. I am excited about taking good
care of my body.
The owner Joe is phenomenal, he made me feel instantly
welcome and at home. He was tough yet encouraging, just what I needed. I tried
my best to shake it off when I couldn’t perform a move or when I fell trying to
do a deep squat. Ouch! It amazed me how I’ve come so far in my wellness but that
a simple fitness assessment could drudge up memories from the 1980’s and those stupid
presidential physical fitness tests that I never could pass because I was an
overweight kid. Running a mile? Never! Let me see how many times I can tie my
shoes during that mile. Timed sit ups? C’mon my belly is too big to sit up. And
don’t even get me started on the dreaded rope climb! I had standing
appointments with the school nurse during all presidential physical fitness
tests and field days. Mrs. Webb (the school nurse) and I were on a first name
basis.
For a few moments of my fitness assessment last week, I felt
like that chubby kid- self-conscious, awkward. Then I remembered, those feelings,
they are all in my head and they are all made up, by me. If I tell myself I’ve
never been an athlete, and I won’t ever be one, I won’t be. If I tell myself I’m
not a runner, I won’t be. If I tell myself I’m not fit, or not healthy, I won’t
be. It all goes back to the premise of:
Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t-
you’re right.
I believe in the immense and profound power of words, both
thought and spoken. I believe they have the capacity to tear us down or build
us up. I believe that we can adjust our attitudes and that we can indeed change
our minds and behaviors, one small change at a time.
In my forties I’m healthier, more content and joyful than I
was in my twenties because I finally get it. It may have taken me a while, but
I get it. I control my choices, my attitude, my lifestyle and I choose to be well.
I choose to fight my fears. I choose to embrace change (even
when it’s scary). I choose to love myself, to know that God loves me for who
I am and to recognize that He wants me to be my best me.
I choose to not focus on who I was but who I can be while staying
grounded, present and content in the here and now. I choose to open my eyes
and see myself the way that God sees me- full of limitless potential.
I choose to be well- won’t you join me?
Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help.
Continue with courage.
Hugs and Friendship,
Tara
