De-stress the Distress

This week's Weight Watchers topic was one of my favs, how to flip up a slip up. I so love this message! it's such a timely reminder that no matter what stresses we're facing, big or small, God always gives us a chance for a do-over.

This question is, do we even want a do-over? Or would we rather wallow in self pity and despair? The answer varies by person. Have you ever met that person that continually creates their own drama and will never EVER be happy?

Sometimes, it's easier to wallow than to face the F-word, failure; followed by the C-word, change.
My take away from this week's lesson is a four step process to get back on track.

1. Own it. 
2. Change it. 
3. Embrace it. 
4. Move beyond it. 

Own it. For Pete's sake (whoever Pete is), please step up to the plate and own your stuff. Only you can control your actions and reactions, y-o-u. If you muffed something up, whether a work task or something more serious like a relationship, own it. Don't blame traffic, or the weather, own it. Don't blame your parents, friends, kids or childhood, own it. When we make mistakes, silly or the more damaging kind, we need to own them before we can move beyond them. 


Change it. Each of us has the power to change our behavior, if we want to. Once we know what we did, it’s time to change things up. But that requires that dreaded self reflection thing which is sometimes  downright painful. Once we own our slip up, it’s time to do things differently. The beauty of this? It’s never too late to make a change. Take a pause and take stock. Ask yourself a few questions. Was my behavior within my control? What were the circumstances around it? Were those circumstances within my control? If faced with this situation again, what would I do differently? What would my do-over look like?

Embrace it. This step is crucial to being able to move beyond the slip up.  When we falter, it’s so easy to quit. It’s so easy to self-berate. It’s not so easy to self-forgive. Think about some negative things you’ve said to yourself over the past week.  I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I failed before so why try again. I don’t have those skills. Now imagine saying those negative things to a friend, family member or co-worker. We wouldn’t do it (hopefully) because we are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Be kind to yourself- own it, change it and move beyond it. 

Move beyond it. I’ve been asking my classes, “if you have a flat tire, do you stop and pop the rest of your  tires?” No, you change the tire and keep on driving! If only it were that easy.  As a child we quickly learn if we touch fire we’re going to get burned. As grown-ups, we’ve been burned so many times, we’re afraid to fuel our fire and try again. However, humans are beautifully resilient. Every day I hear amazing stories of people who face incredible trials and come out triumphant. This is where that one small change that Weight Watchers asks its members to make each week comes into play. Moving beyond it is all about regaining control of our actions and reactions. Think about one small change that you can apply to your situation and start right now. Not tomorrow, not next week, right now. 

By nature of my personality, I often work myself up and make things seem much more overwhelming than they actually are. Instead of getting locked up and stuck, one of the best things I can do is to tackle one small change at a time. Often times I find that when I really look closely at my situation, I can take the small steps I need to de-stress my distress. 

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

Roadside Assistance

Last week’s Weight Watchers topic was the Ripple Effect. We talked about how every small change we make can lead to big results.

Whether you’re early on in your wellness journey or coming back after a hiatus, this is not the easiest notion to embrace.  

I mean, sure, we can go along with the concept. It makes decent sense. If we introduce one small change at a time, master that change, add another, then another, eventually it will lead to something (or someone) amazing, right?

Right! But how do we get there? And by there, I mean the dreaded G word, GOAL.

I remember when I first started my wellness journey. I sat quietly in the back of the Weight Watchers meeting room in disbelief at the number I saw on the scale. It seemed so overwhelming. I sat there berating myself, wondering how I had let myself get to that point. Thinking it was going to take forever to lose the weight. Knowing that I had failed before, why try again. As I looked at the path that was ahead of me, I had serious doubts about my longevity, ability and commitment to the journey.

Fast forward 16 years, and here I am, at goal.

Of course I have faced some trials along the way. I have no doubt that life will continue to put up road blocks and speed bumps as I continue my journey.  I recently heard someone compare weight loss setbacks to getting a flat tire.  She asked “if you get a flat tire, do you go ahead and pop the rest of your tires”? No, you repair the tire and keep on trucking.

The small changes that I’ve made over the years; they are my emergency repair kit. By making each of the below changes, one change at a time, I have roadside assistance for life. I have the assurance that no matter what happens to my car, I know how to get it back on the road.

I thought it would be kind of neat to come up with 38 changes that have helped me to lose my 38 pounds.

So here goes. 

I:

1. Drink more water.

2. Drink less coke.

3. Eat more fruits.

4. Eat Try more veggies.

5. Increased my activity.

6. Decreased my black and white thinking.

7. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.

8. Make time to take care of me.

9. Eat less fried foods.

10. Eat more whole grains.

11. Became a Weight Watchers leader.

12. Surround myself with healthy, positive, people.

13. Set small measurable goals.

14. Evaluate my progress once a week.

15. Focus less on the scale.

16. Focus more on my health.

17. Laugh more.

18. Moderate my stress by being active.

19. Started this blog.

20. Try one new food a month (hey, that’s a stretch goal for me).

21. Practice self-forgiveness.

22. Open myself to new opportunities.

23. Take control of my environment.

24. Track all of my food and drinks, even the not-so-smart choices.

25. View every meal as a fresh start.

26. Don’t let my emotions sabotage my eating. And if I do, I go back to #25.

27. Eat less prepackaged meals.

28. Eat more fresh foods.

29. Allow myself to indulge. And if I indulge a little too much, I go back to #25.

30. Try a few new healthy recipes a month.

31. See food as fuel for my body, not a solution to my problems.

32. Understand that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet.

33. Always have a healthy snack with me in case of emergency.

34. Eat a snack before I go to social events.

35. Don’t use special occasions as an excuse to overeat. And if I do, I go back to #25.

36. Put my fork down in between each bite.

37. Drink a full glass of water after dinner if I’m still hungry.

38. Take it one day at a time.

I’d like to challenge you to make one small change this week. Just ONE. That’s all I ask.

One small manageable change. 

Once you make that change, start on another.

And before you know it, you will be exactly where you want to be.

As you build that momentum, there’s nothing or no-one that can stop you.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara

This Too Shall Pass (like a kidney stone)

When the pains of life come our way, we have a choice. We can choose to be the victim or the victor.

The past month for me has been an extremely pain-filled time. I, along with several members of my family have been dealing with a traumatic event. We are all experiencing the pain from different perspectives. Yet we each feel it deeply. And while I cannot share the details, I will say that it is one of the most difficult personal challenges I have faced in twenty years.  The event itself I liken to the ripping off of a band-aid, immediate and shocking. All at once, the wound is exposed, open and festering. With every day that passes, the healing progresses. Yet sometimes you rub up against or bump the wound, and the pain comes right back to the surface.

I saw this sign on Facebook this week and in spite of everything, it made me chuckle. 

This Too Shall Pass (like a kidney stone).

Pain comes and pain goes, and life moves on. The question we need to ask ourselves is, have we moved on? There is life beyond the pain. Are we living it?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my not-so-swell childhood, it’s that only two forces have control of my life, God and me. And let's face it, my life goes much smoother if I give control to God that which I cannot manage on my own.

The type of life event I am talking about, it’s a make or breaker, for myself and several members of my family. It’s the kind of event where someday we will look back and realize that this event was a defining moment in our lives. It could make us stronger, bring us closer and build our resilience. Or it could tear us apart at the seams, leaving behind anger, broken hearts and defeated spirits.

Experience is a tough teacher, because she gives the test first, the lesson after.

There have been many days recently, when my heart is so heavy, and my eyes can’t seem to stop leaking. In those moments, I question the injustice of it all, for every single person who has been touched by this event. Why? So many people hurt.

Every day, I am faced with a choice. What should I be today, victim or victor? Every day, I have the chance to re-write my story.

Someone once said to me, we are the story we tell ourselves.

If I choose to be the victim, I lose.  I blame. I get angry. I feel sorry for myself. I judge. I isolate.

If I choose to be the victor, I win. I release. I forgive. I embrace. I love. I live. I hope.

Once this wound has healed up, however long it takes, I want to be able to run my finger over the scars of my heart and know that all is well in my soul. That I have chosen to be victorious. That I have chosen to live my best life. Not in spite of it all, but because of it all.

Remember, this too shall pass (like a kidney stone).

Pain is temporary.

Hope is everlasting.

Make the choice. Commit to the choice. Ask for help. Continue with courage.

Hugs and friendship,

Tara